advise about his ex

[blamesydney]

So, my daughters father had a girlfriend whom he also got pregnant, she's about 8 months along now, and he just recently left her. To back track, she's before said she couldn't give a shit less about my daughter (her father denied it and I couldn't prove it) and has threatened me about being with my daughters father ever for any reason. He simply ignored it. Finally, however, she got angry because me and my daughter went to church with him on Easter as a family and Joe finally said enough was enough and dumped her for proving she didn't care about our daughter.
Thing is, they have a history of getting back together, and at this point I'm terrified of having her around my daughter.
Can I have some advice? What should I do if they get back together? Am I being irrational?

 

[Dezireey]

If you feel she is a threat to your daughter in any way, then I would keep her away from her if they get back together. She may ( hopefully) soften a bit when she has her child ( is it her first baby?) and she may realise that your daughter is innocent and should be treated so. Your ex should protect her. If he gets back with this other girl then he needs to know that your daughters safety comes first and if that means never being at his house when that girlfriend is there, then so be it.

 

[blamesydney]

If you feel she is a threat to your daughter in any way, then I would keep her away from her if they get back together. She may ( hopefully) soften a bit when she has her child ( is it her first baby?) and she may realise that your daughter is innocent and should be treated so. Your ex should protect her. If he gets back with this other girl then he needs to know that your daughters safety comes first and if that means never being at his house when that girlfriend is there, then so be it.

This is her first baby, but let me put this out there, SHE IS CRAZY. She told me she would cut my throat if I was ever alone with the FATHER OF MY CHILD(and this was before she was pregnant). FOB and I are friends and hang out every now and again with or without Scarlet, I'm not afraid of her, but I don't want someone like that around my child, especially after expressing numerous times that she doesn't care about her at all. I have expressed to Joe MANY times that I didn't want her around my child but he ignored me. He even let her babysit her before while he was at work. Recently, she stopped coming around while my daughter was around out of spite for me, because she liked to post pictures of herself with my daughter and talk about being her stepmother(Joe has never ever ever ever ever proposed or talking about marriage with this girl) and I asked Joe to make her stop because it was creepy, and since he took my side she said "WELL I WONT EVER BE AROUND YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN THEN!!!" Of course that ended pretty soon as well, it's just a testament to how crazy she is.

I don't want to take her away from her father, but if they get back together....what else am I supposed to do?

 

[Dezireey]

Oh dear. Definitely keep your daughter away then if she is that crazy and threatens you with violence. Your FOB should put the needs of his child/ren first and to be honest, if he is prepared to go back with someone who threatens to 'cut your throat' and she dislikes his own child, he doesn't deserve to see his kid (if that is the price he pays) so no-one loses out apart from him. Make your decision as a Mother not a partner, which is:- remove your child from ANY potential danger. There is no way on earth I would let my baby near a woman like that and I would go all the way to the courts to stop it, if need be. I would say to my FOB that he can have access to his kid but NEVER in her company ever. What's next? actually threatening to kill your child or you? Can't believe someone like that is going to become a Mother. Lets hope it changes her and she becomes less aggressive. If your ex partner does not re-kindle a relationship with her, then you do not have too much of a future problem.

 

[blamesydney]

Oh dear. Definitely keep your daughter away then if she is that crazy and threatens you with violence. Your FOB should put the needs of his child/ren first and to be honest, if he is prepared to go back with someone who threatens to 'cut your throat' and she dislikes his own child, he doesn't deserve to see his kid (if that is the price he pays) so no-one loses out apart from him. Make your decision as a Mother not a partner, which is:- remove your child from ANY potential danger. There is no way on earth I would let my baby near a woman like that and I would go all the way to the courts to stop it, if need be. I would say to my FOB that he can have access to his kid but NEVER in her company ever. What's next? actually threatening to kill your child or you? Can't believe someone like that is going to become a Mother. Lets hope it changes her and she becomes less aggressive. If your ex partner does not re-kindle a relationship with her, then you do not have too much of a future problem.

I'm glad I'm not just being overprotective. Joe makes me feel like I am. He claims he is never getting back together with her, and I REALLY want to believe him. Unfortunately Alex is bribing him, saying that if they don't get back together he won't ever see her daughter and will not be allowed in the hospital and will have no paternal rights whatsoever, so I really don't know. I'm just so worried, because he really generally is a good father.

 

[omfgski]

...

 

[blamesydney]

Rather than separating your daughter from her dad completely, maybe it would be better to arrange their contact so it is supervised for a while to ensure that you daughter isn't around this woman but she still gets to see her dad. This woman sounds like she has a lot of jealousy issues and this will be increased for her with the hormones of pregnancy which could explain how extreme she has become. I do think you haven't helped the situation by hanging out with your ex as friends without your daughter there though.

Both me and fob believe it is quite necessary to be friends to properly coparent our child. I will not not be friends with him because of her, my daughter deserves better then that and better then her.

 

[Dezireey]

I was going to say, it has no relevance that you are friends with your ex, she should trust her partner and vice versa. I would not mind an ex of mine keeping in contact with the Mother of his child, its just got to be expected when you get involved with someone who has children by someone else.You shouldn't live your life dictated by her insecurities.

That's harsh that she is emotionally blackmailing him. He should definitely support her and be there for her if she needs things during her pregnancy and he should be there for his child but if he is very unhappy with her behaviour and no longer wants to be in a relationship with her for that reason, then she is being a little bit loopy. She sounds very hormonal if you ask me, like she is not thinking straight at all. No matter how pissed off I was at my ex leaving me, and all his lies, I always brought the subject up of him being there for his kid, not for me. You can't force someone to be in a relationship with you, kids or otherwise.

 

[omfgski]

...

 

[blamesydney]

I was going to say, it has no relevance that you are friends with your ex, she should trust her partner and vice versa. I would not mind an ex of mine keeping in contact with the Mother of his child, its just got to be expected when you get involved with someone who has children by someone else.You shouldn't live your life dictated by her insecurities.

That's harsh that she is emotionally blackmailing him. He should definitely support her and be there for her if she needs things during her pregnancy and he should be there for his child but if he is very unhappy with her behaviour and no longer wants to be in a relationship with her for that reason, then she is being a little bit loopy. She sounds very hormonal if you ask me, like she is not thinking straight at all. No matter how pissed off I was at my ex leaving me, and all his lies, I always brought the subject up of him being there for his kid, not for me. You can't force someone to be in a relationship with you, kids or otherwise.

I feel very bad for him. She's very adamant that if he doesn't take her back he won't ever be allowed to have anything to do with their kid. He left me when I was 3 months pregnant, and I had like a week where I was very bitter, but I immediately started thinking about what was best for my child. She actually stopped taking her birth control on purpose because she was so insanely jealous of my child.

I BELIEVE though that he's about to start dating my best friend! They had a thing before I ever even met him, that's actually how me and her met. My daughter loves her and and I trust her 100%, so if they DO date, it will be a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

[blamesydney]

A friend would not ignore his girlfriend threatening to cut your throat, saying she hates your child or leave your child with someone who dislikes her.

She told him I was lying because I didn't like her and acted like she loved her when hr was around until they broke up.