Agoraphobia and parenting?

[asacia]

Does anyone have any experience of having Agoraphobia and being a parent? Anyone managed to overcome it?

 

[MummyJo]

It's not something I find particularly easy to talk about but before I fell pregnant with my daughter (now 23 months) I was diagnosed with agoraphobia. I spent an entire year of my life without leaving the house (and barely the security of my own bedroom) and in some respects I was happy staying like it. Although I hated what it meant for my life it was easy then trying to tackle it.
Anyway a year or so on I fell pregnant and I guess it gave me the determination to really face the problem head on.. I did quite well with the support of my partner and mental health experts and by the time my daughter was a few months old I was able to go out to public places with my partner and for very short walks with the pram on my own.

Unfortunately after a bout of PND and some other issues I'm having something of a relapse and have found myself to be quite isolated and going through the same emotions and feelings I had back then. I don't think it ever 'goes away'.
I'm now pregnant with number two but finding it a lot harder than previously.
I have a lovely midwife though who has done all of my appointments at home so far (including my blood tests!) and I'm working to slowly get out more and more.

I would say it has affected my daughter in that she doesn't get out of the house as much as other children might and is possibly at a social disadvantage because of that.

Anyway, I'm rambling!
Is there anything in particular you wanted to know/talk about? Feel free to ask away. xxx

 

[asacia]

I'm just worried about the effect of being stuck inside will have on my son. I suffered a few years ago, but overcame it gradually. It hit me like a ton of bricks after he was born though. I've managed 3 short outings on my own, but other than those essential trips (doctors apps for him), I can't even get in the garden alone.

I've overcome it once before andI know how hard it is, so don't know if I can go through that again. But I don't want to ruin my sons life.

My previous Pysch wasn't helpful, but I have a home appointment with a new one next week.

 

[MummyJo]

Hugs hun.
I know what it's like. I really don't get on with my current psych but the rest of the team are great.
How it may affect my daughter (and whatever bump is) are huge issues for me and something that plagues my mind daily.

Is there anyone else that can take them out and about? Do you have any other mummy friends whose little ones can come and play? Obviously it's good for your little one to see you socialising but if there are other people coming in and out, even if it's doctors, it's better than nothing!

How old is your son?

 

[asacia]

He is 12 weeks old. I really want to get this sorted before he gets bigger and realises he has a crazy Mummy.

I'm able to visit family as long as I'm with OH so he does get to see people every three weeks or so.

I've got to discuss medication next week. I'm hoping there is something compatible with breastfeeding.

Another problem is that my care-coordinator and my hv both told me to call them if I needed an appointment. I really don't like asking for help, so I don't see them. Think HV got annoyed at coming here to weigh DS but I can't ake it to the clinic so U feel likea terrible Mum.

 

[MummyJo]

I know that all medicines are present in breast milk (in varying amounts) so they're never overly keen to prescribe them whilst you're breastfeeding. However the same as medication whilst pregnant, it's what is the bigger risk? I hope that they find something suitable for you and that it helps.

Another problem is that my care-coordinator and my hv both told me to call them if I needed an appointment. I really don't like asking for help, so I don't see them.

I know that feeling all too well. I hate, absolutely loathe phoning people especially if it's to ask for help. How often do you see your care coordinator?

I also know how you feel in regards to taking them to the clinic, I never went with Eloise and at first I had a different HV come round each time and they seemed very offish and that I was an inconvinience, eventually it changed to a single HV who I got on really well with, which made things easier.

It'd be really easy for me to tell you to talk to them (your care-co, HV or Psych) but despite knowing that myself I still haven't spoken to them in depth about all of my fears or worries so I won't bother telling you!

How well does your OH understand and support you?

 

[asacia]

I think that is why I'm feeling so low today, as me and OH had an arguement before he went to work. He wouldn't put the rubbish in the bin, and got annoyed at me for not being able to do it. He doesn't understand at all, and thinks I'm just bein difficult or lazy.

My CPN went on long-term sick leave about 6 months ago. I've seen her replacement (the care-cordinator) once in that time.

I think I'll try and tell them at my appointment that I'd like to always have an appointment booked, even if it is a while away, because I'm not good at asking for help.

 

[MummyJo]

You poor thing!
Definitely ask about regular meetings with CPN, they also have a 'support worker' you could request. They can either just come and have a chat with you or if you feel up to it try and take you on walks for some 'graded exposure'.

It's such a horrible and lonely experience
I think regular appointments, even once a month might help you. It's reassuring to know someone IS there if you do need help, even if you don't ask for it.
I see my CPN fortnightly, and whilst I do get annoyed and anxious about having to meet her in some ways it does help.

It's so difficult though and something I've found many Psychs/CPNs and Doctors don't understand.
One psych said to me "well if you're not leaving the house to get your prescription, you clearly don't need it" when I pointed out that if I could easily go out and get the prescription or to appointments with her, I wouldn't need their help - she ignored me!

Anyway, if you ever want to talk I'm here
I can't promise I'll be very helpful as I don't totally understand it myself! Nor do I understand how I can do some things (like going out with OH or to hopsital appointments for my daughter) but can't go out to get the post or put the rubbish out.

xx

 

[asacia]

Just thought I'd update. Last week I went out twice, and I'm going out twice again this week!