Alannas birth
When I first found out I was pregnant I wanted to have my baby in a midwife led unit but had to scrap that plan as there are none within reasonable driving distance from where I live. After much heart ache my husband (Paul) and I had settled on a hospital birth. However, a natural birth preparation class we attended when I was about 20 weeks(ish) completely changed both our minds and we decided to plan a home birth. One of the first decisions we made was to hire a doula. She (Margit) turned out to be vital to our preparations and our sanity in the final trimester of my pregnancy which seemed to last forever. When we first told my community midwife (Ceri) about our home birth plans she was less than enthusiastic and very negative about it, telling us all the risks but none of the benefits and using very dis-empowering language. Luckily we were prepared for this negativity and didnt let it influence our well researched decision. Throughout my entire pregnancy I was classed as low risk so there was really no reason for her not to be supportive. She booked me in for a home birth, nonetheless, and we started planning and organising. Margit provided the pool, fairy lights, many books, and TENS machine, and support all the way. We bought a liner for the pool, a tap adaptor and hose, survived the 36 weeks risk assessment home visit from the supervisor of midwives, and started counting down the days.
From about 36 weeks onwards my body started taunting me with near daily period-type cramps, shooting pains up down below, and many many Braxton Hicks. When I was about 37 weeks Paul had to go to Scotland for a few days to finish things off at his work as he had found out a couple of days before that he would be starting a new job where we live three weeks after my EDD. The stress of him leaving stopped all my latent labour symptoms and they only picked up again when he came back and I knew he wasnt going to go anywhere again before the baby was due. 38 and 39 weeks came and went, still accompanied by cramps, back pain, and shooting pains. All around me my pregnant friends were popping out their babies and I really was getting desperate. I felt enormous, it was hot, I was uncomfortable all the time, I wanted to get on with things but was too tired I just had enough! At 39+1 I went to what turned out to be my final pregnancy yoga class where I whinged and moaned and told everyone I wanted this baby out. At home, Paul and I tried all the tricks in the book to try and encourage things to progress: spicy food, pineapple, sex, hot baths, walks, bouncing on the birthing ball, raspberry leaf tea etc. When my EDD (a Wednesday) came and went I started to panic what if baby arrived the day before Paul was due to start at his new work? How would I cope on my own? How would he cope? On my EDD cramps and tightenings continued as before and Paul and I dtd that evening (worst EVER). On Thursday I was extremely emotional and moody, getting seriously pissed off that nothing was happening (I didnt particularly enjoy my pregnancy and was desperate for it to be over!). I decided to skip yoga as I couldnt face all the happy pregnant ladies. I walked to the shops in the afternoon and the cramps were increasing in intensity but as there was no pattern to them I was determined not to get my hopes up. They got more intense as the evening progressed and when it came to bed time I said to Paul that we should go and get some sleep if this was really it.
Well after three hours of sleep I started timing contractions at 1:40am on Friday morning! They were coming regularly at about 10min intervals, lasting between 40 and 90 seconds. I breathed through them and eventually woke up Paul at about 4am and asked him to run me a bath. Contractions continued in the bath (now roughly every 8 mins) and I asked Paul to phone Margit. I think she arrived at about 5:30am. While in the bath Paul and I were discussing that I should try and eat but I had no appetite whatsoever and ended up having half a Hobnob which left me feeling sick. When Margit came she suggested I get out the bath and try labouring on land with the TENS machine. Paul went downstairs to set up the pool while Margit stayed with me. The TENS was amazing!!! I tried labouring lying down, hoping to get some proper rest between contractions but I was too uncomfortable. Margit prepared the spare bed for me, with my birthing ball on top, covered by an old duvet. I spent a couple of hours hanging over the ball with contractions getting ever stronger and more frequent. At some point during these early hours I was sick for the first time, bringing up the half Hobnob and the water I had had. I hate being sick and was really miserable about it. Margit, however, took it as a good sign that things were progressing and moving in the right direction. I think I threw up about five or six times between then and midday which made it hard to stay hydrated as everything I drank came back up
At about 7:30am contractions were coming every three minutes and Margit suggested we call the midwives. Paul phoned labour ward and the on-call midwife phoned us back, wanting to speak to me. I said she should come straight to the house and that I could wait for gas and air to arrive with the second midwife. When the midwife arrived I was just about to get into the pool. She read my birth preferences and even though I had specified that I did not want any vaginal exams unless absolutely necessary she was quite insistent to examine me. I declined but consented to her feeling my bump and taking my blood pressure and the babys heartbeat. I was annoyed because she didnt have a waterproof sonicaid with her but she reassured me that the second midwife would bring one. I eventually got in the pool (utter bliss!) and hardly noticed the second midwife arriving. Contractions had slowed down again with the disruption of the midwifes arrival but I didnt actually care that much as I was quite comfortable in the pool. I was pretty much in the zone by that time but had to come out again when the midwives told me that I wouldnt be able to have meptid at home because I didnt have a prescription for it from my GP. I informed them that my GP had refused to give me a prescription and that the supervisor of midwives who did our home assessment had reassured me that the midwives would be able to bring it. This led to the supervisor of midwives coming round herself to drop it off at the house. At about 8:30 or 9ish it was decided that the 2nd midwife would leave again and that Ceri, my community midwife I had seen throughout pregnancy, and her student Rachel (who I had also met) would come instead. At the time I didnt care much but in hindsight it was wonderful to see familiar faces. However, the commotion of people coming and going didnt help my progress at all and I eventually got out of the pool again to labour on dry land.
Margit, Rachel (the student midwife working with Ceri at the time), and I ended up going upstairs as the midwives were quite chatty and noisy downstairs, taking phone calls, arranging appointments. For some reason people kept coming and going to drop off or pick up things, especially around lunch time. I spent the next few hours (I think) labouring in the nursery with the TENS machine and with Margit and Rachel there for support. Rachel kept taking my pulse and babys heartbeat but she did it in a very non-intrusive way, always waiting for a time when I was happy for her to do it between contractions. Again I used the birthing ball to lean over as well as the changing table to lean on for support during contractions. Margit told me afterwards that this was when she thought things really started to get going. I had lost all concept of time, I dont know if anyone was timing contractions or anything. Paul, I think, spent most of the time downstairs, keeping busy and keeping family informed. The great thing about having Margit with us was that I didnt have to worry about Paul because he could pretty much just get on with whatever he felt like doing. I remember him going for a shower at some point and he kept putting his head in occasionally checking on me. If I remember correctly, this was also the time when I finally stopped throwing up which was a blessing as I could finally keep water down and eventually also dextrose tablets for energy. I was knackered due to the lack of sleep and food but my body just kept going.
After I dont know how much time Margit suggested I go back into the pool. I was reluctant at first as I was coping fine with the TENS machine but the prospect of being able to move more easily was very tempting. So, I went back into the pool and then the midwives started fussing over the water temperature which had, of course, dropped since Paul had filled the pool in the early morning. So the entire time from then until Alanna was born they faffed about with different thermometers and boiling the kettle what felt like a million times. I only noticed this at the very edge of my consciousness as I got right back into the zone in the pool. I was kneeling, facing away from the midwives, leaning over the edge of the pool holding both Pauls and Margits hands during contractions which by now were getting pretty strong. At some point again, no-one really remembers when, Margit says it was around lunch, Paul says it was much later my waters went. This was the weirdest sensation! It felt like something inside me twisted and then popped and I could feel the gush of water yet couldnt really feel it because I was in the pool. Luckily, the waters were completely clear, no meconium or anything, just a few bits of membranes that started to float around me.
After my waters had gone the contractions got to an intensity that I started to struggle with, my vocalisations (read grunts, groans, screams) were getting louder and I was starting to lose control of my breathing towards the end of each contractions, panicking with the strength of them. Margit and the midwives were really good reminding me to try and keep calm. Margit kept saying I shouldnt fight the sensations, to just let it happen. That really helped me theres nothing you can do about it anyway, your body is in control by that point. However, this was the point that I asked for the gas and air because I was scared of how much more painful contractions would become and I felt so tired. Gas and air was amazing, it didnt take the pain away but it took the edge of it and it also helped me stay relaxed and in control and it seemed I got a bit more of a break between contractions. I changed positions at some point to a sort of squat supported against the edge of the pool, holding Pauls hand again during contractions. He laughs when I say I was holding his hand apparently it was more of an arm-wrestle!
Again, all perception of time escapes me now as it did on the day but I changed back to the kneeling position eventually, moving up and down with my bum with each contraction in the rhythm of my breathing which was much easier to control with the gas and air. At some point the 1st canister of gas and air ran out and I started the 2nd one and the first midwife that arrived all those hours ago went off to get more. Apparently someone at the hospital has forgotten to order the home birth gas and air to keep stocks replenished and there was worry that I might not be able to get any more. That thought scared me and I tried to reduce how much I was using it easier said than done with contractions getting ever stronger. Two more canisters arrived eventually, and I think I started the 3rd at some point, using about 2.5 canisters in total. At around 4pm the first midwife left as her shift was over but Ceri and Rachel decided to stay regardless to be there for the delivery. The new night shift midwife arrived shortly after. Rachel took care of monitoring Alannas heartbeat with the waterproof sonicaid. As before, she asked my permission every time and if I wasnt ready she wouldnt come near me. Each time she did listen in it was for a few seconds only, Ceri helped her assess if the heartbeat was ok or not so she didnt have to hang about.
According to my notes 2nd stage was 59 minutes, so I must have started pushing at some point after 5pm. I had felt involuntary downward pushes for some time so it was a relief to be able to start pushing. I also felt like contractions were easing off a little, the pain definitely changed. The effort of pushing was overwhelming, apparently her head kept slipping back again and I just felt like I couldnt get her out. Rachel talked me through the pushes and Margit and Paul were encouraging me from the sidelines. It helped taking a big breath of gas and air before each push but the effort it took was still incredible. Margit pointed out that I had a very clear purple line up my bum crack by this stage and apparently my anus was also dilating there are ways of assessing progress without vaginal exams! Anyway, eventually everyone around me had seen her head and I was determined to get the birth over and done with, Ive had enough of being in pain. So with a couple more might pushes I got to crowning (ring of fire ouch!!!) and then the head being born was just the sweetest relief. I hardly noticed the body slipping out at all. I think she came out to the front of me. Rachel caught her and passed her to me and I sat back, leaning against the pool for some wonderful wonderful skin to skin with my baby girl.
She didnt cry at all, just took a very calm first breath. Paul and I checked together that she was, in fact, a girl and had a bit of a family cuddle. (tears may have been shed at this point) I had a very short cord, only about 30cm, so sitting with Alanna at my chest was really uncomfortable as the cord was rubbing against my sore lady bits. But because it was so short it stopped pulsing quite quickly, so we got delayed cord clamping without me being in too much discomfort. Rachel clamped the cord, Paul cut it and then took Alanna for some daddy skin-to-skin. I needed three people to help me get out the pool exhaustion was kicking in now and flopped out on the couch (all covered in waterproof sheets etc.). I wanted a natural third stage so after half an hour the midwives encouraged me to get back up and do a squat and see if the placenta would come out. Well, it didnt. Instead I lost a massive blood clot (size of a dinner plate) with about 650ml of blood. According to Paul I went white as a sheet with the sudden blood loss on top of the exhaustion. The midwives reacted quickly and recommended I get the syntocinon injection to get the placenta out and prevent further blood loss. I consented to this, had the injection, and then the tummy pressing and cord tugging began because the placenta wasnt budging. I was back on the gas and air by that point because this was SORE! Judging from the frantic looks at the clock by the midwives Im assuming that they got the placenta out just in the nick of time before my cervix clamped shut. There was a lot of faffing about because no-one seemed to have a suitable container to catch the placenta who knows. Luckily, the placenta came out whole! Margit made me a placenta smoothie while the midwives had a look to see how much damage I had done myself down below. The verdict was the dreaded words we recommend you transfer to the hospital to get this stitched. I wasnt as upset about this as I thought I would be, I was so done with being in pain that I wanted access to proper drugs should I need them. At some point round about now Alanna had her first mini feed (about 5mins). One of the midwives weighed Alanna (3820g) and helped Paul dress her, I had my smoothie and had two midwives put knickers and a nightie on me while someone rang an ambulance.
Just before 8pm(ish) Margit strapped Alanna into her car seat, I was put onto an ambulance stretcher, Alanna came into the ambulance with me, Paul and Margit followed in our car, and the third midwife came, as well. Ceri and Rachel headed home, three hours after their shift should have finished I was so grateful they had stayed! The ambulance ride was horrible, it was boiling hot in the back and the route to the hospital is littered with speed bumps not comfortable at all! Luckily it only took about 15mins and the ambulance guys were really nice and chatted to me all the way, so it was ok. Just glad I didnt have to make that journey while in labour! At the hospital I got wheeled into a room on the labour ward I AM SO GLAD I DID NOT HAVE TO GIVE BIRTH IN THE HOSPITAL!!! What a depressing environment!!! The room was BOILING and tiny, there was one chair right in the corner for Paul, a horrible plastic cot for Alanna, a sink and a scary scary massive bed Shudder! Anyway, on the bed I climb (ouch!) and a hospital midwife arrives to explain that they have just changed shifts so she really hoped shed be able to stitch me as Id need to wait for a doctor otherwise and that would take ages. So, back on the gas and air (much much better coming out of the wall than it was from the little containers at home!) while she goes for a rummage (Paul said it looked like a gutted fish down there ). To my immense relief she said shed be able to stitch it pretty straight forward 2nd degree tear, apparently. Because Alanna was with her spine slightly off to the right of my belly button while in utero she had to turn the long way round to get her back facing the front for getting out. In the process of doing that she had given me a spiral tear up the vaginal wall. Perineum was intact and so were most of the labia (apart from a graze near the urethra), so all the stitches were internal. Legs up in stirrups, green sheets up, more gas and air (by this time I was VERY happy) local anaesthetic and off she went stitching me up. She was really really good talking to me all the way through, explaining exactly what she was doing.
At some point the third midwife who was there for the birth came in to officially hand over care and we were brought tea and toast. Unfortunately, the brilliant midwife was called into surgery, so someone else came. I cant remember when but at some point we all decided that I would have a bath in the hospital (Ceri had scrubbed my legs before we left home but I was still disgusting from losing all that blood and being in the pool and all). In hindsight, I think they wanted to just keep a bit of an eye on me due to the blood loss turns out the midwives would have recommended a transfer in for monitoring anyway due to the amount I lost regardless of the stitches I needed. Paul headed back home to get me some clothes and Margit and I think Alanna had another feed at this point. When Paul came back Margit helped me have my bath and thank goodness she was there as I did nearly faint with the warm water and the hot room but I managed to keep it together and hang on to her arm. Lying down on the hospital bed felt soooo good afterwards, being clean was just amazing. Someone then came in to say they were just finishing up my paperwork (I had made it quite clear that I had no intention to spend the night in hospital) which for some reason took them over an hour we left the hospital shortly after midnight and were back home at 12:30am.
Once back home, Alanna and I flopped out on the couch. There was some leftover homemade pizza from the previous night the best thing ever after giving birth!
Paul and Margit got on with cleaning up and getting the pool emptied right away. If I remember correctly (brain was seriously fried by this point!) we headed to bed at about 3am(ish). Margit stayed to help with another feed and left just before 4am. Paul, Alanna, and I passed out in our big bed and all just slept for a good few hours, I dont think anyone so much as moved during that night, we were all so exhausted.
Thats the story of how my little girl came into this world. I can honestly say I got the birth I wanted being at home with Margit and Paul felt right at all times and I never had any doubts about anything. I knew baby was going to be fine, I knew I would be fine, and I knew all the way that we had made exactly the right decision! It was incredibly painful and I am not sure I could have done it without the gas and air. The breaks between contractions are a blessing but also a curse because you can feel your body gearing up for the next wave of pain. I am honestly amazed at what my body and my baby have achieved on that day surrendering control and submitting to the process were key for me. Luckily Margit was there to help me do that. I had my eyes closed the entire time until Alanna was born. I had to keep them shut to stay in the zone. Nothing about the birth was particularly enjoyable, or ecstatic, or orgasmic it was very very sore, it was exhausting (my legs and arms were killing me the next day from doing squats in the pool and arm wrestling with Paul), and I remember wondering several times why every step of the way has to hurt so much if this is what women are meant to do evolutionarily. Looking back I am proud I did it it was tough stuff but I got through it feeling good and positive and dare I say it empowered. I give credit to the midwives for following my birth preferences to the detail, I am very grateful for their care and support. There are bits I am not happy about but they dont belong here, I will be feeding those back to the local maternity services liaison committee.
The evidence that the home birth was the right thing for both Alanna and myself is this: Both my pulse and her heartbeat stayed the same the entire time neither of us was stressed, or panicked, or distressed at any point we just let nature take its course and did what we had to do.
When I first found out I was pregnant I wanted to have my baby in a midwife led unit but had to scrap that plan as there are none within reasonable driving distance from where I live. After much heart ache my husband (Paul) and I had settled on a hospital birth. However, a natural birth preparation class we attended when I was about 20 weeks(ish) completely changed both our minds and we decided to plan a home birth. One of the first decisions we made was to hire a doula. She (Margit) turned out to be vital to our preparations and our sanity in the final trimester of my pregnancy which seemed to last forever. When we first told my community midwife (Ceri) about our home birth plans she was less than enthusiastic and very negative about it, telling us all the risks but none of the benefits and using very dis-empowering language. Luckily we were prepared for this negativity and didnt let it influence our well researched decision. Throughout my entire pregnancy I was classed as low risk so there was really no reason for her not to be supportive. She booked me in for a home birth, nonetheless, and we started planning and organising. Margit provided the pool, fairy lights, many books, and TENS machine, and support all the way. We bought a liner for the pool, a tap adaptor and hose, survived the 36 weeks risk assessment home visit from the supervisor of midwives, and started counting down the days.
From about 36 weeks onwards my body started taunting me with near daily period-type cramps, shooting pains up down below, and many many Braxton Hicks. When I was about 37 weeks Paul had to go to Scotland for a few days to finish things off at his work as he had found out a couple of days before that he would be starting a new job where we live three weeks after my EDD. The stress of him leaving stopped all my latent labour symptoms and they only picked up again when he came back and I knew he wasnt going to go anywhere again before the baby was due. 38 and 39 weeks came and went, still accompanied by cramps, back pain, and shooting pains. All around me my pregnant friends were popping out their babies and I really was getting desperate. I felt enormous, it was hot, I was uncomfortable all the time, I wanted to get on with things but was too tired I just had enough! At 39+1 I went to what turned out to be my final pregnancy yoga class where I whinged and moaned and told everyone I wanted this baby out. At home, Paul and I tried all the tricks in the book to try and encourage things to progress: spicy food, pineapple, sex, hot baths, walks, bouncing on the birthing ball, raspberry leaf tea etc. When my EDD (a Wednesday) came and went I started to panic what if baby arrived the day before Paul was due to start at his new work? How would I cope on my own? How would he cope? On my EDD cramps and tightenings continued as before and Paul and I dtd that evening (worst EVER). On Thursday I was extremely emotional and moody, getting seriously pissed off that nothing was happening (I didnt particularly enjoy my pregnancy and was desperate for it to be over!). I decided to skip yoga as I couldnt face all the happy pregnant ladies. I walked to the shops in the afternoon and the cramps were increasing in intensity but as there was no pattern to them I was determined not to get my hopes up. They got more intense as the evening progressed and when it came to bed time I said to Paul that we should go and get some sleep if this was really it.
Well after three hours of sleep I started timing contractions at 1:40am on Friday morning! They were coming regularly at about 10min intervals, lasting between 40 and 90 seconds. I breathed through them and eventually woke up Paul at about 4am and asked him to run me a bath. Contractions continued in the bath (now roughly every 8 mins) and I asked Paul to phone Margit. I think she arrived at about 5:30am. While in the bath Paul and I were discussing that I should try and eat but I had no appetite whatsoever and ended up having half a Hobnob which left me feeling sick. When Margit came she suggested I get out the bath and try labouring on land with the TENS machine. Paul went downstairs to set up the pool while Margit stayed with me. The TENS was amazing!!! I tried labouring lying down, hoping to get some proper rest between contractions but I was too uncomfortable. Margit prepared the spare bed for me, with my birthing ball on top, covered by an old duvet. I spent a couple of hours hanging over the ball with contractions getting ever stronger and more frequent. At some point during these early hours I was sick for the first time, bringing up the half Hobnob and the water I had had. I hate being sick and was really miserable about it. Margit, however, took it as a good sign that things were progressing and moving in the right direction. I think I threw up about five or six times between then and midday which made it hard to stay hydrated as everything I drank came back up
At about 7:30am contractions were coming every three minutes and Margit suggested we call the midwives. Paul phoned labour ward and the on-call midwife phoned us back, wanting to speak to me. I said she should come straight to the house and that I could wait for gas and air to arrive with the second midwife. When the midwife arrived I was just about to get into the pool. She read my birth preferences and even though I had specified that I did not want any vaginal exams unless absolutely necessary she was quite insistent to examine me. I declined but consented to her feeling my bump and taking my blood pressure and the babys heartbeat. I was annoyed because she didnt have a waterproof sonicaid with her but she reassured me that the second midwife would bring one. I eventually got in the pool (utter bliss!) and hardly noticed the second midwife arriving. Contractions had slowed down again with the disruption of the midwifes arrival but I didnt actually care that much as I was quite comfortable in the pool. I was pretty much in the zone by that time but had to come out again when the midwives told me that I wouldnt be able to have meptid at home because I didnt have a prescription for it from my GP. I informed them that my GP had refused to give me a prescription and that the supervisor of midwives who did our home assessment had reassured me that the midwives would be able to bring it. This led to the supervisor of midwives coming round herself to drop it off at the house. At about 8:30 or 9ish it was decided that the 2nd midwife would leave again and that Ceri, my community midwife I had seen throughout pregnancy, and her student Rachel (who I had also met) would come instead. At the time I didnt care much but in hindsight it was wonderful to see familiar faces. However, the commotion of people coming and going didnt help my progress at all and I eventually got out of the pool again to labour on dry land.
Margit, Rachel (the student midwife working with Ceri at the time), and I ended up going upstairs as the midwives were quite chatty and noisy downstairs, taking phone calls, arranging appointments. For some reason people kept coming and going to drop off or pick up things, especially around lunch time. I spent the next few hours (I think) labouring in the nursery with the TENS machine and with Margit and Rachel there for support. Rachel kept taking my pulse and babys heartbeat but she did it in a very non-intrusive way, always waiting for a time when I was happy for her to do it between contractions. Again I used the birthing ball to lean over as well as the changing table to lean on for support during contractions. Margit told me afterwards that this was when she thought things really started to get going. I had lost all concept of time, I dont know if anyone was timing contractions or anything. Paul, I think, spent most of the time downstairs, keeping busy and keeping family informed. The great thing about having Margit with us was that I didnt have to worry about Paul because he could pretty much just get on with whatever he felt like doing. I remember him going for a shower at some point and he kept putting his head in occasionally checking on me. If I remember correctly, this was also the time when I finally stopped throwing up which was a blessing as I could finally keep water down and eventually also dextrose tablets for energy. I was knackered due to the lack of sleep and food but my body just kept going.
After I dont know how much time Margit suggested I go back into the pool. I was reluctant at first as I was coping fine with the TENS machine but the prospect of being able to move more easily was very tempting. So, I went back into the pool and then the midwives started fussing over the water temperature which had, of course, dropped since Paul had filled the pool in the early morning. So the entire time from then until Alanna was born they faffed about with different thermometers and boiling the kettle what felt like a million times. I only noticed this at the very edge of my consciousness as I got right back into the zone in the pool. I was kneeling, facing away from the midwives, leaning over the edge of the pool holding both Pauls and Margits hands during contractions which by now were getting pretty strong. At some point again, no-one really remembers when, Margit says it was around lunch, Paul says it was much later my waters went. This was the weirdest sensation! It felt like something inside me twisted and then popped and I could feel the gush of water yet couldnt really feel it because I was in the pool. Luckily, the waters were completely clear, no meconium or anything, just a few bits of membranes that started to float around me.
After my waters had gone the contractions got to an intensity that I started to struggle with, my vocalisations (read grunts, groans, screams) were getting louder and I was starting to lose control of my breathing towards the end of each contractions, panicking with the strength of them. Margit and the midwives were really good reminding me to try and keep calm. Margit kept saying I shouldnt fight the sensations, to just let it happen. That really helped me theres nothing you can do about it anyway, your body is in control by that point. However, this was the point that I asked for the gas and air because I was scared of how much more painful contractions would become and I felt so tired. Gas and air was amazing, it didnt take the pain away but it took the edge of it and it also helped me stay relaxed and in control and it seemed I got a bit more of a break between contractions. I changed positions at some point to a sort of squat supported against the edge of the pool, holding Pauls hand again during contractions. He laughs when I say I was holding his hand apparently it was more of an arm-wrestle!
Again, all perception of time escapes me now as it did on the day but I changed back to the kneeling position eventually, moving up and down with my bum with each contraction in the rhythm of my breathing which was much easier to control with the gas and air. At some point the 1st canister of gas and air ran out and I started the 2nd one and the first midwife that arrived all those hours ago went off to get more. Apparently someone at the hospital has forgotten to order the home birth gas and air to keep stocks replenished and there was worry that I might not be able to get any more. That thought scared me and I tried to reduce how much I was using it easier said than done with contractions getting ever stronger. Two more canisters arrived eventually, and I think I started the 3rd at some point, using about 2.5 canisters in total. At around 4pm the first midwife left as her shift was over but Ceri and Rachel decided to stay regardless to be there for the delivery. The new night shift midwife arrived shortly after. Rachel took care of monitoring Alannas heartbeat with the waterproof sonicaid. As before, she asked my permission every time and if I wasnt ready she wouldnt come near me. Each time she did listen in it was for a few seconds only, Ceri helped her assess if the heartbeat was ok or not so she didnt have to hang about.
According to my notes 2nd stage was 59 minutes, so I must have started pushing at some point after 5pm. I had felt involuntary downward pushes for some time so it was a relief to be able to start pushing. I also felt like contractions were easing off a little, the pain definitely changed. The effort of pushing was overwhelming, apparently her head kept slipping back again and I just felt like I couldnt get her out. Rachel talked me through the pushes and Margit and Paul were encouraging me from the sidelines. It helped taking a big breath of gas and air before each push but the effort it took was still incredible. Margit pointed out that I had a very clear purple line up my bum crack by this stage and apparently my anus was also dilating there are ways of assessing progress without vaginal exams! Anyway, eventually everyone around me had seen her head and I was determined to get the birth over and done with, Ive had enough of being in pain. So with a couple more might pushes I got to crowning (ring of fire ouch!!!) and then the head being born was just the sweetest relief. I hardly noticed the body slipping out at all. I think she came out to the front of me. Rachel caught her and passed her to me and I sat back, leaning against the pool for some wonderful wonderful skin to skin with my baby girl.
She didnt cry at all, just took a very calm first breath. Paul and I checked together that she was, in fact, a girl and had a bit of a family cuddle. (tears may have been shed at this point) I had a very short cord, only about 30cm, so sitting with Alanna at my chest was really uncomfortable as the cord was rubbing against my sore lady bits. But because it was so short it stopped pulsing quite quickly, so we got delayed cord clamping without me being in too much discomfort. Rachel clamped the cord, Paul cut it and then took Alanna for some daddy skin-to-skin. I needed three people to help me get out the pool exhaustion was kicking in now and flopped out on the couch (all covered in waterproof sheets etc.). I wanted a natural third stage so after half an hour the midwives encouraged me to get back up and do a squat and see if the placenta would come out. Well, it didnt. Instead I lost a massive blood clot (size of a dinner plate) with about 650ml of blood. According to Paul I went white as a sheet with the sudden blood loss on top of the exhaustion. The midwives reacted quickly and recommended I get the syntocinon injection to get the placenta out and prevent further blood loss. I consented to this, had the injection, and then the tummy pressing and cord tugging began because the placenta wasnt budging. I was back on the gas and air by that point because this was SORE! Judging from the frantic looks at the clock by the midwives Im assuming that they got the placenta out just in the nick of time before my cervix clamped shut. There was a lot of faffing about because no-one seemed to have a suitable container to catch the placenta who knows. Luckily, the placenta came out whole! Margit made me a placenta smoothie while the midwives had a look to see how much damage I had done myself down below. The verdict was the dreaded words we recommend you transfer to the hospital to get this stitched. I wasnt as upset about this as I thought I would be, I was so done with being in pain that I wanted access to proper drugs should I need them. At some point round about now Alanna had her first mini feed (about 5mins). One of the midwives weighed Alanna (3820g) and helped Paul dress her, I had my smoothie and had two midwives put knickers and a nightie on me while someone rang an ambulance.
Just before 8pm(ish) Margit strapped Alanna into her car seat, I was put onto an ambulance stretcher, Alanna came into the ambulance with me, Paul and Margit followed in our car, and the third midwife came, as well. Ceri and Rachel headed home, three hours after their shift should have finished I was so grateful they had stayed! The ambulance ride was horrible, it was boiling hot in the back and the route to the hospital is littered with speed bumps not comfortable at all! Luckily it only took about 15mins and the ambulance guys were really nice and chatted to me all the way, so it was ok. Just glad I didnt have to make that journey while in labour! At the hospital I got wheeled into a room on the labour ward I AM SO GLAD I DID NOT HAVE TO GIVE BIRTH IN THE HOSPITAL!!! What a depressing environment!!! The room was BOILING and tiny, there was one chair right in the corner for Paul, a horrible plastic cot for Alanna, a sink and a scary scary massive bed Shudder! Anyway, on the bed I climb (ouch!) and a hospital midwife arrives to explain that they have just changed shifts so she really hoped shed be able to stitch me as Id need to wait for a doctor otherwise and that would take ages. So, back on the gas and air (much much better coming out of the wall than it was from the little containers at home!) while she goes for a rummage (Paul said it looked like a gutted fish down there ). To my immense relief she said shed be able to stitch it pretty straight forward 2nd degree tear, apparently. Because Alanna was with her spine slightly off to the right of my belly button while in utero she had to turn the long way round to get her back facing the front for getting out. In the process of doing that she had given me a spiral tear up the vaginal wall. Perineum was intact and so were most of the labia (apart from a graze near the urethra), so all the stitches were internal. Legs up in stirrups, green sheets up, more gas and air (by this time I was VERY happy) local anaesthetic and off she went stitching me up. She was really really good talking to me all the way through, explaining exactly what she was doing.
At some point the third midwife who was there for the birth came in to officially hand over care and we were brought tea and toast. Unfortunately, the brilliant midwife was called into surgery, so someone else came. I cant remember when but at some point we all decided that I would have a bath in the hospital (Ceri had scrubbed my legs before we left home but I was still disgusting from losing all that blood and being in the pool and all). In hindsight, I think they wanted to just keep a bit of an eye on me due to the blood loss turns out the midwives would have recommended a transfer in for monitoring anyway due to the amount I lost regardless of the stitches I needed. Paul headed back home to get me some clothes and Margit and I think Alanna had another feed at this point. When Paul came back Margit helped me have my bath and thank goodness she was there as I did nearly faint with the warm water and the hot room but I managed to keep it together and hang on to her arm. Lying down on the hospital bed felt soooo good afterwards, being clean was just amazing. Someone then came in to say they were just finishing up my paperwork (I had made it quite clear that I had no intention to spend the night in hospital) which for some reason took them over an hour we left the hospital shortly after midnight and were back home at 12:30am.
Once back home, Alanna and I flopped out on the couch. There was some leftover homemade pizza from the previous night the best thing ever after giving birth!
Paul and Margit got on with cleaning up and getting the pool emptied right away. If I remember correctly (brain was seriously fried by this point!) we headed to bed at about 3am(ish). Margit stayed to help with another feed and left just before 4am. Paul, Alanna, and I passed out in our big bed and all just slept for a good few hours, I dont think anyone so much as moved during that night, we were all so exhausted.Thats the story of how my little girl came into this world. I can honestly say I got the birth I wanted being at home with Margit and Paul felt right at all times and I never had any doubts about anything. I knew baby was going to be fine, I knew I would be fine, and I knew all the way that we had made exactly the right decision! It was incredibly painful and I am not sure I could have done it without the gas and air. The breaks between contractions are a blessing but also a curse because you can feel your body gearing up for the next wave of pain. I am honestly amazed at what my body and my baby have achieved on that day surrendering control and submitting to the process were key for me. Luckily Margit was there to help me do that. I had my eyes closed the entire time until Alanna was born. I had to keep them shut to stay in the zone. Nothing about the birth was particularly enjoyable, or ecstatic, or orgasmic it was very very sore, it was exhausting (my legs and arms were killing me the next day from doing squats in the pool and arm wrestling with Paul), and I remember wondering several times why every step of the way has to hurt so much if this is what women are meant to do evolutionarily. Looking back I am proud I did it it was tough stuff but I got through it feeling good and positive and dare I say it empowered. I give credit to the midwives for following my birth preferences to the detail, I am very grateful for their care and support. There are bits I am not happy about but they dont belong here, I will be feeding those back to the local maternity services liaison committee.
The evidence that the home birth was the right thing for both Alanna and myself is this: Both my pulse and her heartbeat stayed the same the entire time neither of us was stressed, or panicked, or distressed at any point we just let nature take its course and did what we had to do.
