Am I bad mom?

[hmommy219]

Ladies, my husband and I have been trying to steer our teenager toward finding a college program that can lead to a career.. the problem is that he still has his mind set on becoming a professional athlete (baseball). Is it ok to tell them to pick a career because being a professional athlete is unrealistic? Or is that terrible parenting? Should we always support and encourage our teens no matter how improbable their dreams? I just can't relax when he's talking this way because in my opinion he's holding on to the delusional ideals of early childhood. I'd kind of assumed he would have grown out of this type of thinking.

FYI....he's ok in sports...just your average member of the team..middle of the pack
What do you think?

 

[Eternal]

I think kids like adults need to be given reality. I wouldn't tell him to give up the idea entirely but I'd tell him he needs options. I would arrange to get him some career advise too.

 

[hmommy219]

Thanks . My hubby suggested we get the high school guidance councilor to chat with him so that might be an idea!

 

[yazzy]

I say to let him go with his dreams but he may need to find a way to earn money in the process to fund his way.

I believe many - not all, could have much happier lives if they were able to do what they wish rather than what they think is expected of them.

Oh, and no you are not a bad mum. You just want the best for your child

 

[messica]

I'm assuming he's on the high school baseball team right? Can you have his coach talk to him? (if it's true - I'd have him go over with your son just how many kids he's coached, and how not a single one of them is playing professionally but may have been successful while in college). Or even implore a local minor league team player or coach to impress upon him the importance of secondary education?

A guidance counselor may be too far removed for him to take their opinion seriously. If he hears it from the horses mouth it may help

 

[hmommy219]

I'm assuming he's on the high school baseball team right? Can you have his coach talk to him? (if it's true - I'd have him go over with your son just how many kids he's coached, and how not a single one of them is playing professionally but may have been successful while in college). Or even implore a local minor league team player or coach to impress upon him the importance of secondary education?

A guidance counselor may be too far removed for him to take their opinion seriously. If he hears it from the horses mouth it may help

Great idea! Yes he is on the high school team and that's honestly what's fuelled his ego! Lol... we didn't think he'd make the cut but when he did (much to our surprise) his determination spiked! I shared with him an article showing the percentage of kids who go on to play college sports and then professional but he thinks he'll be that 1%. I admire his confidence but worry that after college I'll be supporting him for years while he finally works on a 'plan B'!

 

[scoobydrlp]

I'm right there with you! My SD is 17 and thinks she's going to be a famous vocalist. She is in chorus at school and can carry a tune, but that's about as far as it goes. A few months ago she asked me if I thought she could get into Julliard, and I said, "Realistically, probably not". I explained that the people that get in there normally have been taking private lessons and training for years, and are the best of the best. She didn't really act disappointed a the time, but then later told one of her friends how unsupportive I am and that nobody believes in her.

No you're not a bad mom! But I understand the position you're in, and I don't really know what the right thing is! I like the idea from pp who said to have the coach talk to him. If he's only an average player then maybe finding out that he doesn't make the college baseball team will bring him back to reality. Or if he does make the team, then good for him! He'll either get drafted or he won't (he would have to be really good!). But at least he will be in college getting a degree in something.

 

[Noodlebear]

I don't think it's at all ok to tell him to pick something else because it's unrealistic or delusional. Ultimately it's his life and if he's steered into doing something he really doesn't like he might not succeed as an athlete but will have also wasted time doing something he was pressured into so he'd be no better off. Plenty of very successful athletes, singers, comedians etc all have degrees (I was going to name some but they're British so I doubt it'd be helpful lol), I think I'd try and play on that a little. I don't think there's anything wrong in making him aware of how difficult industries like that are and encourage him to have a 'back up' plan but you can't force it. It's up to him.

 

[Lucasmum]

Its a difficult choice to make, you want the best for him and for him to be happy, I would support him but encourage him with education at the same time, my son is adamant the only thing he is going to do is play hockey in the NHL, which is a fine dream to have the only problem being we are in the UK luckily he is only 7 so I have a while before being in your position, good luck with it all hun

 

[seoj]

I think, as a parent- yes, you should always support and encourage your kids- but that doesn't mean LIE to them about their abilities or the reality of life. My oldest loves to sing- and tbh, she's Ok. She's gotten better over the years- but she's certainly never going to be the next American Idol! She really wanted to be for a while.

I always tell her to follow her dreams and passion- but that education IS important. Cause life doesn't always work out as planned. I was lucky enough to work my way up to a good career-- with no degree. But that's rare- and certainly not what I would of hand picked given the choice. But I'm a parent now- and have responsibilities beyond myself- so it's not really an option at this point to just up and change what I do (even if I could).

Maybe encourage him to follow his dreams- but school is a great outlet for athletes to get a scholorship (if they are good enough). I like what was mentioned about talking to his coach- or even trying out for college sports in the future... that way you aren't discouraging him, but he can come to the reality of things on his own. Then your just there to support him.

It's tough being a parent sometimes!

 

[Sqwidge]

Correct me if I'm wrong. But the usual way to be drafted into professional sports in the US is to be spotted/go through the college system, yes? If so, he would obviously need to study at college to get to that point? Could he not also choose a 'career' that he could study towards, so that he can have something at the end of college if he isn't drafted, or, because you can't play professionally forever and as an athlete you only have a short time at the top of your game, something for him to fall back on once he retires/or god forbid a career ending injury from baseball?
It could also mean he could get a partial/full scholarship to college through baseball?

I think there is a way to encourage him to look into a career as well as pursuing his dream. I think it would be wrong for you to diminish his dream, but instead talk to him about all the options and say that it would be a good idea to be thinking about what he would like to do if he didn't get drafted/once he's finished playing.

 

[Rachel_C]

I'd have him speak to his coach and get a realistic view on his chances. I don't think it's okay to totally smash somebody's dream but I also don't think it's okay to stand by and let your child make decisions based on something that is not going to happen if those decisions could drastically alter his/her life.

I'd also look into what the colleges expect of their sports stars. We don't have the same education system here so I'm not sure exactly how it compares, but I do know that many of the professional rugby league teams expect their young academy players to be studying in college for something as well as their rugby career because even if they make it, a career in sport is often very short and they might need something after that. Perhaps you could suggest something sports related for your son to study - physio, coaching, medicine, teaching, biology etc. At least that's something.

 

[JASMAK]

I actually think you should support him. Plus, many sports lead to colleges and best of all, scholarships! See how far he can go, and put them both together!

 

[cookette]

I think the very fact that you ate worried about this makes you a GREAT mom. I don't believe in the "follow you dreams!" BS that is pushed so heavily in our society now. Follow what you love, but be RESLISTIC. A parent encouraging their child in something they arent good at is doing him no favors. The real world will not be so kind.

Continue to support him loving it and wanting to play? Absolutely! But as a PP said, many athletes have an education too, "just in case." Ask him what he'd do if he (heaven forbid!) got injured...? Or didn't get drafted? Nothings a sure thing.