Another newbie on here

[beaney]

Hi all you lovely people,

I've been meaning to join here for ages and finally done it today. Bit of history: OH & I had m/c in Feb this year. We were devastated- I know you all understand that. I can't say we're over it (prob never will be), but we were coming to terms with it. We haven't tried again, thought we'd wait 3 months, which means that we can try from this cycle. TBH, I didn't feel emotionally ready to try again until this month.

Last night my sister told us she is pg. I so want to be happy. It's nice for her, but that's all I can feel. I can't do the jumping around and big grins that I'm sure she's waiting for.

The complication is (and advice would be great!), my family don't know about the mc. It happened at 8.5 weeks, so we hadn't told anyone we were pg. There's been lots of times I wanted my mum's support and advice, and I thought it would help if we ever had to go through this again. But my parents have no grandchildren so far and I know they're desperate for them, so I didn't want to give them one and take it away - I was hurting enough for everyone. But now I wish my mum knew, i wish she could understand why i'm not appearing overjoyed for my sister. I'm crying just writing this...

When my sister told us last night, afterwards I said to my OH that it now opened things up for me to tell my mum. But now I'm not sure. Will that take away the joy from her first grandchild, who's still only 9 weeks? Or seem like i'm trying to take something from my sister's joy? I'm really close to my mum and it's been difficult for me with her not knowing over the last couple of months. Plus the news from my sister has just opened up so many wounds, and there was so much baby talk last night that it hurt like crazy. And I have to see them all again today (then my sister goes home, she doesn't live nearby). I'm dreading it all and i feel terrible for that.

Please help!
x

 

[lissaloo]

some things need to be shared to help you feel better about things, your mom will feel gutted to lose her granchild, and upset that you needed her and she didn't know x

 

[borntobeamum]

Its only natural to feel confused, and no matter how happy you are for your sister, you will be upset and think of your angel that is not here.

If you are close to your mum and can talk with her, then perhaps you should. Yes she will be upset, but more that her baby (you) has had to go through this horrible thing.

We are all here if you need to offload any time.

xxLaura

 

[AP]

I think if you feel close enough to tell your mum, do.

it will only hurt more if all the topic of conversation is babies.

 

[UKMummy]

As a mother of three girls I would like to think that if any of them went through what you had that they would tell me so I could give them the support they needed....I would hate to think that they were suffereing in silence.

I think it'll come out in the wash anyway because now there is a pregnancy in the family then there will be a lot of baby speak going on and it'll take just one person to turn to you and say "Hey, you'll be next" and you may not react they way either you or they expect.

Only you can decide what feels right but I think you would benefit from telling your Mum.

 

[rachjim98]

So sorry to hear of your loss and that now you have to deal with your sister being pregnant. Double blow there!!
I would see how it goes and if you feel comfortable to let them know of your loss then go ahead.
When we lost Rebecca we had to tell everyone. I was 6 months pregnant so everyone knew already. But this last loss I was 6 weeks and no one knew and I still have not told anyone other then you wonderful ladies and my DH.

Its hard to let people in but this is your decision and only you can decide if you can live with it in silence!

Best of luck to you

 

[maj0079]

That is such a bummer! I'm so sorry that it's happened that way. I hope you've told your mom because if you are that close she would have understood. As much as she's wanted grandbabies, I think she would have been there the whole time for you. It's hard when not many people know! Thanks for the kind words! Hang in there it'll get better!