any advice??

[SophiasMummy]

not sure if anyone can help. im currently preganant and me a FOB arnt together anymore and never will be again. but my probem is im 20 and live at home with my mum but she is kicking me out at the end of the month as she doesnt want me living here with a baby eventhough its a four bedroom house with only 3 people living in it. i dont mind having to move out but ive had to go through council to find somewhere to live as i have no job and no money to pay to live somewhere without help.

i went to see a housing officer yesterday as my mum wrote them a letter saying she wants me out by the end of the month but now im freaking out. the housing officer told me that if i get kicked out i will be moved an hour away from my mums house to a massive town where i will have no one i know. i get really bad anxiety in strange places and all my family live in the town i live in now. i dont know what to do cuz i dont think i can mentally cope with being in a strange town by myself with a baby im soo scared that its making me depressed and i just want to cry all the time.

i just dont know what to do surely they cant move me somewhere where i have no one cuz its going to effect me mentally and if anything goes wrong with me or baby i wont have anyone near by???

(also i would like to say i didnt plan to get pregnant as i was told i could never concieve naturally so this pregnancy is very much as massive surprise)

 

[lushious09]

1st off how do u no u couldnt concieve naturally if u never tried?...

secondly there is millions and millions of people wanting a house in your situation the fact is there just isint enough and if i were you id take what your given because itl be either that or live in a hostel... other then that all u can do is private rent but with no job... who knows

 

[SophiasMummy]

because i have a medical condition that is meant to make me infertile. i wouldnt say im not meant to be able to concieve naturally unless there is a good reason

 

[AppleBlossom]

You're very lucky to have got a house so quickly, there are tonnes of people waiting for council housing. I think unless you can afford to private rent you'll just have to take it. It'll be scary at first but it's that or live on the streets. Sometimes we just have to put our own needs a fears aside for the sake of our babies. You won't be there forever, just while you have your baby and get back on your feet

 

[SophiasMummy]

my worry is also though im not going to be able to afford to travel to the hospital and to see my midwife as i have to see the consultant at the hospital every 3 weeks and my midwife every 2 weeks. i told them that it is miles away from my hospital about hour drive maybe a bit more but they sed it doesnt matter by the way they dont have a proper hospital where they would be moving me so i cant be transfered.

and its not a house it temporary accomodation

 

[lushious09]

so its a hostel then... i dont mean to sound crude but most single mums are in this situation a girl i no is due her baby any day now and has been dumped hours away in a hostel but its either that or live on the streets... people seem to think youl be given a house at a drop of a hat when pregnant but thats not true at all... i chose to private rent as i didnt want to be living in a hostel with my little boy but if u cant afford the deposit or 1st months rent its a bit of a pain...

 

[SophiasMummy]

i cant afford to rent privately till the baby is born as then my housing benifit basically doubles from what it would be now and they will provide me with the deposit aswell but its just a fact of trying to get my mum to let me stay until ive had LO and then i will happily go and rent privately

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Hi hun

Firstly I really feel for you. Having your mum kick you out because she doesn't want a baby in the house is awful. This was my main worry when I found out I was pregnant, thankfully my mum was ok with it - I am having to apply for council housing now though as my brother is violent and abusive towards me and I cannot bring a baby up around him.

I don't know the ins and outs but I will ask a few questions:

Does your mum think she is doing you some kind of favour by kicking you out? i.e. thinks that by making you stand on your own two feet you will benefit from this?

With regards to the comments above about your fertility status - I know a girl who was told at 16 she would never have children....by 18 she was pregnant. Drs wouldn't tell someone something like that unless they were sure. Even when that is the case, they can be wrong but when you are told by a Dr you generally believe it to be true.

As for the hostel, unfortunately there is not a lot of choice with there being so few houses available. You may not be there for long so I would just go and try and stick it out. I would private rent but my credit history is poor so no estate agents will even bother with me.

You talk about feeling anxious being away from your family, and I don't mean this to sound harsh, but what are they/have they done for you? You are being forced to go live in a hostel with no telling when you will get a permenant house/flat.

Could you not ask your mum if you can stay home, save a bit more and then find a privately rented property when LO is here - surely that will make no difference to her as baby is not here yet?

x

 

[SophiasMummy]

You talk about feeling anxious being away from your family, and I don't mean this to sound harsh, but what are they/have they done for you? You are being forced to go live in a hostel with no telling when you will get a permenant house/flat.

Could you not ask your mum if you can stay home, save a bit more and then find a privately rented property when LO is here - surely that will make no difference to her as baby is not here yet?

x

this is what im currently trying to convince my mum to let me do just stay until ive had baby and then i can find somewhere to live privatey but at the moment dont seem like thats gunna happen. she wants me out purely cuz she seems to think i want to dump my baby on her which i would never do as she has been a rubbish mother to me so why would i want her to care for my baby.

i wanna stay round here because my entire family including my dads side of the family lives here and they have always been there for me and if they could have me stay with them then they would but unfortuniatly not

 

[bloodbinds]

Why can't you stay at your dads?

And have you explained to your mum that you're going to have to move far away? Does she understand she is kicking out a pregnant woman?? I don't understand people like that :-S

To be fair it sounds like you quite lucky to have got where you have, my friend Kelly had to move in to a place with two other girls who were horrid to her, and she had no friends or family near by.

And if you're moving to a big town, surely there will be a hospital near by? You can go on the NHS website and find your nearest hospital and doctors, and book an appointment with your docs so you can swap midwives. I know it's annoying having to swap midwives (i had to do it 3 times in my pregnancy, lol!) but at the end of the day it's about what is best for your baby and you need to be close by to your midwife instead of travelling an hour away, so you're better off just swapping!

Good luck with it all x

 

[billy2mm]

i would go back to your local council and question the housing benefit. you are past 20 weeks and so you are entitled to the housing benefit for a 2 bed not a 1 from what i am aware.

as you said yourself its just temporary and you could be in and out before you know it. ive stayed in a family hostel before and its not that bad! i met my best mate in there and she told me about this site!

you will be entitled to help to get to and from the hospital so ask your mw about that too.

maybe the best thing is to get into the hostle now so that you and baby wont have such a long wait till you can get your own home.

 

[SophiasMummy]

Why can't you stay at your dads?

And have you explained to your mum that you're going to have to move far away? Does she understand she is kicking out a pregnant woman?? I don't understand people like that :-S

To be fair it sounds like you quite lucky to have got where you have, my friend Kelly had to move in to a place with two other girls who were horrid to her, and she had no friends or family near by.

And if you're moving to a big town, surely there will be a hospital near by? You can go on the NHS website and find your nearest hospital and doctors, and book an appointment with your docs so you can swap midwives. I know it's annoying having to swap midwives (i had to do it 3 times in my pregnancy, lol!) but at the end of the day it's about what is best for your baby and you need to be close by to your midwife instead of travelling an hour away, so you're better off just swapping!

Good luck with it all x

my dad lives in thailand so no i cant live with my dad lol (though i wish i could) and my mum doesnt care to be honest. no they only have an a&e where they would move me and i still have to travel over an hour away to see my consultant cause am under specialist care. and i dont see how its best for my baby if im living by myself an hour away from anyone i know and my specialist. so if anything goes wrong then i have to call an ambulance as that wil be the only way that i could get any help as i cant drive. my midwife knows the situation im in and im getting a secound midwife already cuz of my medical issues and because the one i have is only part time so i will have 2 MW.

 

[SophiasMummy]

i would go back to your local council and question the housing benefit. you are past 20 weeks and so you are entitled to the housing benefit for a 2 bed not a 1 from what i am aware.

as you said yourself its just temporary and you could be in and out before you know it. ive stayed in a family hostel before and its not that bad! i met my best mate in there and she told me about this site!

you will be entitled to help to get to and from the hospital so ask your mw about that too.

maybe the best thing is to get into the hostle now so that you and baby wont have such a long wait till you can get your own home.

i dont know where they are putting me. they just said temporary accomadation for 2 years and where it is. i wouldnt mind if it was like a family hostel as would be other people around in a similar situation but from what she said to me made it sound like im going to be by myself. and have spoke to housing im not entitled to 2 bedroom HB until i have had LO until then im only entitled to shared accomadation rates which down here is 300 a month but once ive had LO it goes to 2 bed rate which is 680 a month

 

[billy2mm]

i would go back to your local council and question the housing benefit. you are past 20 weeks and so you are entitled to the housing benefit for a 2 bed not a 1 from what i am aware.

as you said yourself its just temporary and you could be in and out before you know it. ive stayed in a family hostel before and its not that bad! i met my best mate in there and she told me about this site!

you will be entitled to help to get to and from the hospital so ask your mw about that too.

maybe the best thing is to get into the hostle now so that you and baby wont have such a long wait till you can get your own home.

i dont know where they are putting me. they just said temporary accomadation for 2 years and where it is. i wouldnt mind if it was like a family hostel as would be other people around in a similar situation but from what she said to me made it sound like im going to be by myself. and have spoke to housing im not entitled to 2 bedroom HB until i have had LO until then im only entitled to shared accomadation rates which down here is 300 a month but once ive had LO it goes to 2 bed rate which is 680 a month

whats your local council?

 

[bloodbinds]

Where is it that they want to move you to?

 

[SophiasMummy]

billy2mm - my local council is east devon coucil

bloodbinds - they are moving me to honiton. just looked on hospital finder and the closest specialist hospital to there is the one im at now.

 

[bloodbinds]

Oh dear! :-/ What kind of specialist are you seeing? x

 

[ProzacQueen]

aww hun. i really feel for you.

My local council gave me the same option and i didnt want to take it either. and im alot older than you and this is my 2nd baby!

i ended up renting privately as i wasnt prepared to move so far away and that was the only other option the council gave me.

my advice would be to go back to the council and ask them to list ALL your options and weigh them up. i assume while you are in temp accomodation they will still allow you to bid on council/housing association properties in the area you want to live? therefore it may not be 2 years. do some research, the council will tell you how many points you have, how many you realistically need and how often these properties become available.

they may well turn around and say you could get somewhere more suitable within 2 months rather than 2 years - would that be a time frame you would feel more comfortable with??

before you go back, give Shelter www.shelter.org.uk a ring and tell them your situation. they will explain clearly all your rights as a young homeless pregnant person.

im glad i did this as it gave me loads more confidence to tackle the housing officers. they were really lovely

also ask the council if they can find you a 1 bed place with a landlord that accepts housing benefit through the private renting market. they should keep lists of local landlords that do this.

good luck x

 

[ProzacQueen]

Hi hun

With regards to the comments above about your fertility status - I know a girl who was told at 16 she would never have children....by 18 she was pregnant. Drs wouldn't tell someone something like that unless they were sure. Even when that is the case, they can be wrong but when you are told by a Dr you generally believe it to be true.


x

agree with this

in 2004 i was told after having an ectopic pregnancy that destroyed my insides and nearly killed me that i would never conceive naturally again..... well i've done it twice since then

 

[SophiasMummy]

Oh dear! :-/ What kind of specialist are you seeing? x

diabetes, endochrine and thyroid specialist that also specialises in pregnancy. bit of a mouthful really lol. there arnt many around cuz its quite rare for someone with massivly high thyroid hormone levels to be able to get pregnant let alone carry the baby past first trimester as it effects the physical development of the baby