Hey ladies,
I don't know why today of all days I decided to wander onto the teen pregnancy thread
(I currently post in the breastfeeding thread), it has been a while since I have been a teen.....I'm currently 29..... but I had my son when I was 17 and still in high school so I guess it's a topic that is still near and dear to my heart. I feel both of you in being uncertain of what is to come in your futures. I contemplated whether I should adopt out my son as well. I must say that the phrase mentioned above that "hard work pays off" is true no matter how many times it is over used.
Here I am about to achieve my Masters of Science Degree. I am a mother to my now 11 year old son and the newest addition the my life, my nine month old daughter. I had all types of troubles with my son's father, he didn't want to work, never wanted to really be a father, had issues growing up and maturing. To this day, he STILL doesn't have a solid job and even worse, he found some other poor girl, got her pregnant, and lives off of her too. My only huge mistake was waiting around and hoping/praying that one day he was going to magically snap out of his pathetic mentality and be who I wanted/needed him to be.
So when you guys talk about going it alone, I truly feel you. But things all happen for a reason. I can definitely tell you that had it not been for my son, I would be a completely different person from who I am now. I know I have a good head on my shoulders, I have always been more mature than others my same age, and I have turned into a great role model for both my children. When I consider the differences between myself and moms of other children my son's age, I see the benefits of being a young mom and I feel like I connect with my kid on a whole other level.
Having persevered through my difficulties has made me appreciate life more. It's made me a stronger person and has allowed my to prioritize my life goals, identify the desires that I know will help me feel satisfied in life, and has given me the ability to weed out the good men from the bad men. When you realize that you can balance your entire world on your own two shoulders and you're fully capable of making life what you want it to be, you realize that it doesn't matter WHEN you meet Mr. Right. Just be sure that you work hard and that you accumulate your own "goods" to bring to the relationship; if you are confident in the woman that you become no one can take away your strength from you.
Since you guys are very young I would advise you all to seek out the programs that have been developed to support teen mothers. There are a lot of financial, nutrition, and medical benefits out there geared to give teen moms a hand during the difficult times so you can eventually stand up strong on your own two feet. If you need it, join local support groups where you can have other women to lean on that are going through your exact situation and that truly understand you. Don't give up on your education! That is the one thing that can set you up for financial freedom and success for the future of yourselves and your children. There are financial programs and scholarships to help single parents out with schooling as well (some even offer free or discounted daycare). And definitely take it easy on yourselves. You have more challenges being a young single mom than most full grown adults have experienced thus far in their lives. Don't expect them to truly relate to you, and don't feel offended by their ignorance to what your experiencing. Most of all enjoy being a mom throughout everything. It's going to be tough at times, but you won't endure anything that you can not overcome.
Never base your happiness or satisfaction in life on any man. They come and go. You will most likely encounter a number of bad guys before Mr. Right does come along. Never accept a guy who won't accept you AND your little one, they won't end up being worth it in the end. When you do feel like you are in a good place to start dating seriously, always make sure you start as friends. If a guy can't be your best friend, the relationship isn't going to be very strong period. Always pick a guy that has as much, if not more, goals, priorities, and achievements going on as you do in your life.
Not only will I graduate school this year, but I am also engaged to be married to a phenomenal man. Everything good is worth waiting for and it will fall into place in its own due time. Become the best possible versions of yourselves! Focus on today.... tomorrow has it's own problems. Good Luck on your journies!
