Anyone else choose not to have their child/children present?

[hot tea]

I see a lot of women who have their children with them during home birth. For me, this was just never an option. I really feel Ramsay could not handle seeing me in that much pain. I think he would be VERY distressed and wouldn't fully understand. But a part of me wonders whether this is the right choice...?

Why did/didn't you have your child present?

Please share your experiences.

 

[sun]

I don't have any past experience, but that is the big thing we are contemplating right now. We want a home birth but I don't know about having one with my son present - I also think he would be very distressed to see me in pain and not able to give him any attention. I am also worried that my concern for him and me worrying about whether he is ok would be too distracting during labour and slow it down. I have heard of women who stall in their labour progression because of this. On the other hand, I want my LO to know he is a part of things. I have no advice - but watching this thread intently! x

 

[Narie]

I have 2 other children a boy 9 and a girl 4. I don't think it's something my son would feel comfortable watching at all but I think my daughter would probably like to be there if we decide to go down the home birth route and she even asked if she can watch. She loves watching other peoples births on the telly especially the programme one born every minute but I don't think I would feel very comfortable and I think its different when your Mum is the one in pain and I would worry it would freak her out.

 

[NuKe]

i am most definitely NOT having poppy present, or even in the house. she gets extremely upset and distressed if she sees me in any kind of pain, even if i stub my toe! she couldnt deal with that.

 

[lynnikins]

my boys will be upstairs asleep or taken out by a friend if its the daytime, i know it would upset EJ and when hes upset then Nate turns into a right brat lol

 

[TwoMummies]

I won't be having my children present.

I think it would really upset them, especially Brandon who has Autism and so they will be taken to a family members house once labour starts.

Although if they are fast asleep in bed I will just leave them there as they almost never wake during the night.

 

[madasa]

I would be happy for my children to see birth as it really can be, not just as TV portrays it! That said, I preserve my prerogative, as a woman, to change my mind if I feel their presence is too upsetting or distracting for any of us.

In the end, my body decided for me. My waters went about 10am and I laboured very gently all day. The sensations didn't become stronger until my toddler was in bed and asleep. Trust your body! It really DOES know what to do!

I had my mum there and she was briefed to distract/reassure/look after DS if he woke up. But he didn't. I know it was distressing for him to wake up and find I'd gone to hospital with his new sister (who he had never met). (I transferred during the 3rd stage.) I actually don't think he would have found me in labour as distressing as that. He'd have been very curious and he would have sensed something big was happening... But can you imagine having THAT as an early memory? "I was there when my baby sister was born!" Cool stuff

 

[lesbianlove]

my boys will be in the house when im birthing but not in same room, i just dnt know how thed react, either get upset or be completly fine and run about mental lol so wev got someone comin over to watch them upstairs that way theres no worrying about them, and they can come see his brother once hes here

 

[urbanbumpkin]

My little boy is only 17 months old, so it doesn't seem appropriate for him to be there. I think I would be far too distracted by being Mum to him to concentrate on becoming Mum to the next one.

Maybe if he was older and therefore more independent, and also able to vocalise whether he wanted to be there or not, we would consider it.

As it is he will be in the house, but my Mum is coming to stay so she can look after him and I can shut myself away if I want to without worrying about him.

My midwife said that quite often labour slows until the older child/children have gone to bed. She often has to promise to go and wake the older child as soon as the baby is born, or about to be born, then they will go away to sleep without worrying about missing anything! Then the labouring mother gets down to it.

But she also said it can be handy to have an older child about who is still being breastfed as if contractions slow a bit putting the toddler to the breast can strengthen them. So I'm going to keep him handy for that!

 

[Fuchsia1412]

I'm not sure..this has been a slight worry for me, but as there's no real way to prepare a littler one (aside from..you know, talking, explaining, videos etc) and people still do it, I have decided that it may well be one of those things that she just..accepts. I hope it won't worry her...I think labour noises and pains are intrinsically different from other pains, and hopefully will build up slowly and give her a chance to watch them and get used to any noises or movements I might make, and also to explain inbetween them that i'm okay, and that it's normal, and good to be having the contractions. However- it's a very valid worry, and I don't think you've made a 'wrong' decision..if it worries you and you do have someone who can take your child, then for you it might be right. Could you poss have someone on standby, who knows what's happening..and then if it seems to distress him, he can be taken away, but if he seems comfortable and your labour builds up slowly, you can make that decision then?