anyone else feeling distant/unsupported from OH

[tristansmum]

So my husband and I have been together 14 years and married for 7. As all relationships go there are ups and downs. We have a 2 1/2 year old son. I'm 35 weeks pregnant. I'm feeling fed up cause I don't feel very supported by him. We are not overly affectionate couple and usually show our affection in the bedroom if you know what I mean bit he is not keen on sex now and nor am I. Not done it since about 28 weeks. He works away a lot so when he comes home its all about our son which is fine but I'm feeling quite regected now. Especially as he brings our son onto bed cause he wants to cuddle him. I don't know just feel very pregnant and like he doesn't understand.... Which I know most men don't. Doesn't help that while he is away he gets to go out the pub and be 'single' while I'm super uncomfortable at home.
Anyone else feeling fed up?

 

[lilliesmummie]

Can totally relate to this.
Although my OH NEVER goes to the pub because hes quite a shy person, and doesnt do well in situations where he doesnt know people, he does love his car, and would happily drive around for hours leaving me at home with our 20 month old and im 33 weeks pregnant (almost) .. usually he goes to work, I stay at home all day, he gets in, plays with LO for an hour before her bedtime (shes in our bed atm!) and more than likely will fall asleep with her, Ill go to wake him up to spend time together and he decides he'd rather sleep. We havent had sex for a while, although he does go on about it all the time, I just cant be bothered and just ask him why I would want to have sex when he doesnt ever pay me any attention. sorry im rambling on about my own problems lol! I dont know if its because were both pregnant and full of hormones, but its like i wrote your post lol! - I just dont think men do well during pregnancy? I mean, I hated sex with our first, so surely he should click on lol! Hows your OH with all the pregnancy stuff? my OH doesnt seem interested this time round. xx

 

[tristansmum]

Can totally relate to this.
Although my OH NEVER goes to the pub because hes quite a shy person, and doesnt do well in situations where he doesnt know people, he does love his car, and would happily drive around for hours leaving me at home with our 20 month old and im 33 weeks pregnant (almost) .. usually he goes to work, I stay at home all day, he gets in, plays with LO for an hour before her bedtime (shes in our bed atm!) and more than likely will fall asleep with her, Ill go to wake him up to spend time together and he decides he'd rather sleep. We havent had sex for a while, although he does go on about it all the time, I just cant be bothered and just ask him why I would want to have sex when he doesnt ever pay me any attention. sorry im rambling on about my own problems lol! I dont know if its because were both pregnant and full of hormones, but its like i wrote your post lol! - I just dont think men do well during pregnancy? I mean, I hated sex with our first, so surely he should click on lol! Hows your OH with all the pregnancy stuff? my OH doesnt seem interested this time round. xx

So glad to hear i'm not alone. He's not overly interested in pregnancy either. I know men becomes dads once baby is born and we are mums as soon as we fall pregnant but i wish he were a little more "into" it. Every now and then he will get baby name book out or want to sort nursery but in 8 months of pregnancy it isnt much. He doesnt get excited about the kicks and i feel he never asks about baby. I know he misses our son lots while he is away (up to 6 weeks at a time) but i wish i'd get some of the cuddles too. My self esteem is low with my huge tummy as it is. Hormones dont help lol

 

[lilliesmummie]

Can totally relate to this.
Although my OH NEVER goes to the pub because hes quite a shy person, and doesnt do well in situations where he doesnt know people, he does love his car, and would happily drive around for hours leaving me at home with our 20 month old and im 33 weeks pregnant (almost) .. usually he goes to work, I stay at home all day, he gets in, plays with LO for an hour before her bedtime (shes in our bed atm!) and more than likely will fall asleep with her, Ill go to wake him up to spend time together and he decides he'd rather sleep. We havent had sex for a while, although he does go on about it all the time, I just cant be bothered and just ask him why I would want to have sex when he doesnt ever pay me any attention. sorry im rambling on about my own problems lol! I dont know if its because were both pregnant and full of hormones, but its like i wrote your post lol! - I just dont think men do well during pregnancy? I mean, I hated sex with our first, so surely he should click on lol! Hows your OH with all the pregnancy stuff? my OH doesnt seem interested this time round. xx

So glad to hear i'm not alone. He's not overly interested in pregnancy either. I know men becomes dads once baby is born and we are mums as soon as we fall pregnant but i wish he were a little more "into" it. Every now and then he will get baby name book out or want to sort nursery but in 8 months of pregnancy it isnt much. He doesnt get excited about the kicks and i feel he never asks about baby. I know he misses our son lots while he is away (up to 6 weeks at a time) but i wish i'd get some of the cuddles too. My self esteem is low with my huge tummy as it is. Hormones dont help lol

Wow , six weeks at a time? and im moaning because im "neglected" for 9 hours a day. Yeah I know, Its strange because with our first, he was quite into it, but this time he says he cant feel baby move because it makes him cringe, its too wierd for him? Which i dont really understand. I can understand your OH wanting to spend time with your LO, but not why he isnt involving you in that too? And i know hun, I hate being pregnant this time round, was just starting to get my figure back, would much rather get pregnant and have baby in a month .. 9 months of so called "glowing" just isnt working for me this time lol x

 

[tristansmum]

Can totally relate to this.
Although my OH NEVER goes to the pub because hes quite a shy person, and doesnt do well in situations where he doesnt know people, he does love his car, and would happily drive around for hours leaving me at home with our 20 month old and im 33 weeks pregnant (almost) .. usually he goes to work, I stay at home all day, he gets in, plays with LO for an hour before her bedtime (shes in our bed atm!) and more than likely will fall asleep with her, Ill go to wake him up to spend time together and he decides he'd rather sleep. We havent had sex for a while, although he does go on about it all the time, I just cant be bothered and just ask him why I would want to have sex when he doesnt ever pay me any attention. sorry im rambling on about my own problems lol! I dont know if its because were both pregnant and full of hormones, but its like i wrote your post lol! - I just dont think men do well during pregnancy? I mean, I hated sex with our first, so surely he should click on lol! Hows your OH with all the pregnancy stuff? my OH doesnt seem interested this time round. xx

So glad to hear i'm not alone. He's not overly interested in pregnancy either. I know men becomes dads once baby is born and we are mums as soon as we fall pregnant but i wish he were a little more "into" it. Every now and then he will get baby name book out or want to sort nursery but in 8 months of pregnancy it isnt much. He doesnt get excited about the kicks and i feel he never asks about baby. I know he misses our son lots while he is away (up to 6 weeks at a time) but i wish i'd get some of the cuddles too. My self esteem is low with my huge tummy as it is. Hormones dont help lol

Wow , six weeks at a time? and im moaning because im "neglected" for 9 hours a day. Yeah I know, Its strange because with our first, he was quite into it, but this time he says he cant feel baby move because it makes him cringe, its too wierd for him? Which i dont really understand. I can understand your OH wanting to spend time with your LO, but not why he isnt involving you in that too? And i know hun, I hate being pregnant this time round, was just starting to get my figure back, would much rather get pregnant and have baby in a month .. 9 months of so called "glowing" just isnt working for me this time lol x

Me too. I'm fed up of pregnancy. I dont feel sexy or glowing or anything. Last time I loved it all. This is definately our last baby. No way I'm doing it all again lol. Men need to take a turn. I find it hard not to resent his time away. Before we had kids i used to go with him or get on with my own stuff at home. now obviously every evening involves watching tv after looking after a toddler for 12 hours. He is off working on boats with adult conversation and gets to be himself not just mummy. I know its hard on him being away (no way i could do it) but think he doesnt get how hard it is on me. My mum tells me this is men in general and talking to friends we all have our own gripes with OHs and the kids. Oh well hopefully not long til babies arrive.... then the fun begins lol

 

[cautious]

I can relate....

Im nearly 32 weeks and have a 3 1/2 year old. My OH is just not interested at all, in me or the kids. I feel so lonely, he started going out more than usual, last week he was out 5 out of 7 nights and rolled in at 3am on 3 of those. I have given up even talking to him. He never comes to bed with me, I feel super unsex, and its getting me so down and lonely that id much rather he leaves than me feel this way.its like an awkward silence in our household. And im trying to prepare for baby as well as run round after my LO, and im bad for complaining im tired. Its tiring work this looking like a hippo malarkey.

Sorry for the rant....

 

[Ckelly79]

Hi ladies I can also relate, its nice to know we are not alone. I have started to think I would be better off on my own. Sick of feeling ignored or even like I'm a pain. He gets cross if I'm uncomfortable or can't sit for ages in the car, OH used to be so loving and caring now nothing. You do start to feel lonely and hurt. Least we have this site to come to

 

[cautious]

Hi ladies I can also relate, its nice to know we are not alone. I have started to think I would be better off on my own. Sick of feeling ignored or even like I'm a pain. He gets cross if I'm uncomfortable or can't sit for ages in the car, OH used to be so loving and caring now nothing. You do start to feel lonely and hurt. Least we have this site to come to

Its a horroble feeling......

My OH, if I say anything hurts or that im really tired.....I usually get a well how do you think I feel comment. I just said to him that its his choice to go out and come back in at silly times, I dont choose to be uncomfortable and to not sleep at night.

Its my LO I feel for as he isnt his biological son but hasnt ever been treated any different up until now, if he whinges or when hes speaking he stutters quite alot because hes trying to get so many words out at once, you can see OH getting mad at him until in the end he will just walk off......

 

[Ckelly79]

My kids are the ones who keep me going there 11 and 13 from previous marriage great kids. Im now in the mindset as long as I have them I can get through. I'm just upset as we discussed having children I said point blank no reason being I brought my other two up by myself and pregnancy with both were unsupported and mentally abusive so didn't want that again. I was promised things would be great I would be looked after etc. Now I'm the one that's excited happy can't wait, all on my own again.

 

[tristansmum]

I'm sorry to hear you ladies are having problems too but it makes me feel less alone. Last night I was feeling so fed up and thinking I might aswell be on my own.... But I talk to him on the phone (working away 4 nights which is short for us) and I do love him. We have had worse times than this in 14 years but I just wish he had more empathy and what I really want is more affection from him. It's all very well saying he loves me but I need to be shown it too. Especially at the end of pregnancy. I read about other husbands/boyfriends giving foot rubs, lie ins, cups of tea ect....

 

[Ckelly79]

I agree we just want some understanding and love. I know I'm probably taking it to much to heart. I'm so emotional at the moment.