"And you are all right - hope? denial? Does it matter really?
The main issue I think is fear and disbelief - how the heck did we get to be in this crappy situation? You always take for granted one day you will have kids, and now I guess - nothing is definite.
My single friend today was saying how I will beat her to have kids, and all I could think was 'not necessarily'. How depressing. That alone made me want to go start IUI's immediately."
The media and everyone else instill this belief in you that every woman's purpose in life is to have kids. We spend our early life usually trying to deny this, going 'I can have exactly what the guys have, I want my career, I want to go out' etc - then suddenly the clock starts ticking and we start thinking all that doesn't sound so great anymore. The whole world embraces this idea, because it's what we should have been doing all along. Then when it doesn't happen, we feel like failures because we can't even produce what we were designed and put on this earth to do (well, that's the way I feel anyway)
When you're younger, noone ever even brings up the idea that you might not be able to have kids - it's just taken as granted and therefore everyone thinks that it just happens automatically once you start trying. Even I was recommended to take the pill and then have a coil put in, despite the fact that I've only ever had about 10, if that, natural periods in my life (I'm 25 now, I didn't have any kind of bleed until I went on the pill at 17 and after that, I had a couple off the pill at about 19, and not much since then) - they should have been telling me 'if you want a baby, try now, cos it's not likely to happen', but no - I was advised to have a coil inserted.
I went to the clinic today with my best friend, who is exactly (minus one day) a year older than me. She's just broke up with a boyfriend. She has the implant, and no regular man in her life as of last weekend, but we were having a joke sitting at the clinic saying she'll probably be there for a pregnancy test before I am. She says if she is, she'll just transplant the bump straight over to me. But I still can't help feeling this horrible sense of foreboding that it will probably happen to her before it does for us - apart for the implant, she's always had relatively normal periods whereas I haven't really had any. She's single now, but my cousin was single before we started trying and she's now 7 1/2 months pregnant and getting married in the summer..
I just feel horrible. I spent most of my life feeling slightly smug about having no periods and not having to worry about the monthly visit from aunt flo - I'm still not going to deny it - it was damn fantastic not having them, and still is - but it does rather muck up your baby making plans when you don't know even if you're capable and then definitely don't have any way of timing it or telling one way or the other what you should be doing.
is great it's just a quantity issue! Having been diagnosed in 2008 we are now only getting our one and only 'free' NHS cycle. I've gone through wishing we had paid and wishing we we had pulled out but now i'm embracing it. We've waited long enough and this is definitely the first time i've made a decision about something i want and it's 200% what i actually want.
