anyone else keeping secerets

[lilroxy1]

I just ask because I have not told any family or friends about my/our fertility issues. i told my family when i had my first m/c 4years ago. and after seeing the pain in their faces i decided when i got preggers again not to tell anyone until at least 12 weeks. well we had our son happy and healthy. thanks god. well now 20 months of ttc and all we got was another m/c.( my first mc was with my ex. both my son and this mc were with the same man.) and we didn't and haven't told anyone about it. nor have we told anyone we have been trying soo long without any success. I have just made my second dr's apt re: fertility, and the first one was just to confirm m/c and check hormone levels(which were normal). i feel my man doesn't really understand what this is doing to me,even tho i have told him many times. he just makes jokes. i think he may be starting to understand its no joke as the dr said he will be testing him next. I just wonder if anyone else here was keeping all this in? i feel if i had a family member or friend to talk to i would loose it. not just from stress and sadness but it just seems like no one really understands unless they have been thru it. all i hear from family is" we decided to have kids and did" "it was easy".....that is not what i want to hear with all this going on in my head.
Anyone else in this boat?

 

[Rainbowbeany]

Sorry for what you are going through. I kept that we were TTC for a while too because I though ''hey I'll just surprise everyone in 4 months with an I'm pregnant''. Well 18 months into it and every test perfect except my having itty bitty stage 1 endo and no BFP. Cousins and friends started getting pregnant doing the laundry (all by accidents or very easily). Sadness and sorrow came and some family memeber started noticing. after a while I told my mom and bff: then they told some other people to be careful about what they would say arround me and low and behold I found myself surrounded by encouraging and sensitive people. I told my inner circle and found it most relieving and helpful in a way. If you can sit down with the ones that matter and let it all out I believe and hope they will do the same as mine did. Best of luck to you and babay dust all over!

 

[no_regrets_91]

Hello lil,
I know A LOT of people that keep ltttc a secret. It can be a hard decision. Somedays you will feel the urge to just let it all out other times you can't imagine telling a single soul. I want you to know that both feelings are completly fine. No one can decide what is right for you except you.
I have been at this for 3 years and I started telling people about 6 months ago. I had only told a couple of people and then one day I decided enough was enough I was tired of hiding the biggest most heartbreaking event I had ever been through. I posted a video about infertility on facebook. I also started blogging. at times coming out has made this journey harder, people offer stupid advise trying to be helpful. but other times it is such a relief to have an outside person to talk to and I don't feel like I am hidding a huge secret. The fact that my sister knows and that I talk to her about everything we go through has definatly made her pregnancy easier on me because she is more careful with what she says.
Like I said before only you can decide what is best for you. And whatever you may decide your feelings are completly normal. I wish you the best of luck I really do.

 

[charbaby]

I wish i had kept it secret that i was ttc because now 16 months later I am still ttc and all I get is (you not pregnant yet or when you having another! bout time you added to the family ) and things like that! It's really hard to listen to all the time.

 

[ELR]

We aren't telling anyone either. We made the decision to begin with, we knew I had PCOS and it would probably take us a long time. I'm lucky as DH is so incredibly supportive but sometimes I wish I could have someone else I could talk to as well. But I don't want to get my family's hopes up when they realise I am trying for a baby, as it will be the first grandchild/niece/nephew etc for my family. DH and I feel bad enough as it is without pressure and constant questioning and "helpful advice" from other people.

 

[TTCBean]

Me and my DH have been TTC for a year officially now. I kept it to myself until quite recently, I broke down crying after an RE appointment and called my Mother, she then told my Grandmother. It's nice having them to talk to, every time we're on the phone they mention it, questioning procedures and telling me of this or that story they heard about a pregnancy after a long haul. I recently told my Mom to keep her mouth closed, as I found out she told about 3 people who I didn't really want to know. So for me it's had a lot of positives, I don't feel so alone.

None of DH family knows our problems. When we first started TTC his sister asked us about children. DH was happy and excited and said "We're not preventing a pregnancy!" and his sister said "That's great, my friend got pregnant within two months when she decided to stop preventing!" and since then I can tell she wants to say something outright. She goes "Anything new and exciting?!" a lot.

 

[hopingforit]

I know how you feel. I am on month 20 also (cycle 22 - AF just showed today) and my family is constantly bugging me about when I will become pregnant. I even had a girl I went to school with message me on FB asking me when I was going to have a baby. I always have to put on a happy face but really I just want to scream at them all. The only person I told was my mother and that's only because she was making me feel guilty for not getting pregnant so I had to tell her that we are trying but it's not happening. She felt so bad and now she has been trying to get other people to avoid asking me but she avoids talking about it with me. She is of no support whatsoever and she really can't understand as she got pregnant quickly both times. I'm actually going to my hometown next week and am dreading the questions I will certainly get. I want to tell people but it is something very personal and I just don't feel comfortable. I don't think that there is anything wrong with keeping it a secret but it is always nice to have someone to talk to. Luckily I can talk to my DH. My DH used to be like yours. He used to say "It will happen when it happens" but after a year, he stopped saying that as much and after he had to get tested (which he threw a fit about lol...men) he has been much more understanding. Also, the fact that he has a low sperm count is making him more understanding too, because although he already has 2 kids with his ex-wife, he knows that his sperm count is causing a problem.

The ladies on here are really great about talking though. I know that if I want to rant about something, I can come on here and it usually makes me feel better. Hopefully you can get some support from someone.



Sending you lots of

 

[fisher640]

I started out not telling a soul and only confiding here on B&B, slowly, just since like October I've told a few people in real life, the results have been somewhat mixed, but most people I'm glad I've told. .... I should mention that by October we had already been trying for 2+ years without success, so it did take me a long time.

 

[Armywife84]

Wow I'm jealous of those who have a support circle.

It's no big secret anymore. DH told the in laws, I told my family and no one seems to care. In laws still go on and on about their grandchildren in front of me and make ignorant comments. And they wonder why I avoid socializing with them!

My father tells me I don't need a child and my mother slips up every now and then with stupid reports of somebody I know being pregnant. As far as I'm concerned the whole world is pregnant atm. That is except for the LTTC section of BNB.

 

[fisher640]

Yeah my mother was the lamest of all. She just said "oh" then "did you have one of those HSGs?" "Did that hurt?" then it was like nothing ever happened and it hasn't been mentioned since and she still constantly updates me on other peoples pregnancies and babies and has not once asked what's going on with us.

 

[lilroxy1]

i think i would rather suffer in silence with my hubbs than have ppl act differently around me or say stupid things. at least we all have ppl on here to cry and cheer with. thanks for everyones advice. wishing us all 2013 babies xoxo

 

[fpcco08]

I think it all depends on your situation. Some people are relieved to tell and they end up with strong support. Others, tell, and its like they never did and no one cares. When I got pregnant for the first and only time, I had to tell my work, so I could be relieved from heavy lifting etc. Then I had to tell them when I had my mmc at almost 14 weeks, because I was asking for 2 weeks off work. There was a prissy girl I worked with that I never got along with. She was just always so rude to me, for nothing. Her attitude got worse while I was pregnant. Well, as soon as I came back from my 2 week "vacation" I was greeted with her purposely snide and rude gestures bragging about becoming pregnant while I was gone. "Oh, I just woke up and decided I wanted to have a baby, and it happened first try.." Ughhhh, this ticked me off. I'm thinking, this girl is barely 18, been with her bf a few months, got pregnant first try.. REALLY?? 24 straight weeks, rubbing her belly, telling me her baby is hungry, "Oh, my baby just kicked me!!" You know, TRYING to irritate me. I didn't let her see it. Then, eventually I got tired of her doing this to me, because she knew what I was going through. We talked,come to find out, she had been pregnant 2 times prior, one a blighted ovum, the other, she died at 1 month from spina bifida due to no prenatals being taken. So, she's been down my road before. Makes no excuse to rub it in my face like that, but after we talked, we had a mutual understanding, and she stopped rubbing it in my face. She quit work, and now I even message her every now and then and ask her how her pregnancy is going and she will ask me genuinely and sincerely if we've been having any luck. So, sometimes, people can really surprise you, and you can find support in the very last place you would expect to find it.