Anyone else???

[MilitaryMummy]

I was married to FOB but we separated in 2011. He always had access to her (sorted between ourselves) the last Nov it became strained as he stopped turning up sometimes and wouldn't let me know or anything. Then by Jan he wasn't turning up at all!!!!
In that time I received a solicitors letter asking for more access. To which I replied through a solicitor that I think it should commence in a contact centre due to the time without seeing him.
I never received a reply till the July when I received a court order
So we went to court and he started going mental about me thinking I was in charge and I stopped him seeing her and how could I introduce her to another man without his say so blah blah (he's been living with his partner since before we separated!!!!)
I offered until contact commenced he could ring her whenever which he did for the first few weeks.
But he know hasn't rung her since 3rd Sep 13 but now 3 weeks ago contact commenced...
Were back at court next month.
I'm just worried that he is just going to keep dropping her and then picking her up whenever he feels bored or fit to do so.

I know it's horrible but I wish he would just decide weather he wants to be a dad or not

Sorry guys... Just needed to vent really xxx

 

[Dezireey]

Sorry you are going through this.

I haven't had this experience myself but seeing as you are going through the courts, I would advise, in all areas to record everything. Do you contact each other via text/ e-mail etc? Its difficult for a court to make valued decisions just listening to two parents who are no longer amicable etc. Its just his word against yours and it gets very, very frustrating for the parent who is being messed around.

Maybe have a little log book in your kitchen / lounge. Log dates he is supposed to call or come pick up your LO. Get him to sign (with you present) next to the dates he actually shows up. you write next to dates he doesn't show in red 'No show' or even '3 hours late' Then obviously hide the book so he can't alter things on it. Can you maybe e-mail him questions and or dates etc and if he responds you have an e-mail trail? Maybe a witness (friend, relative) who is at your house the day he is supposed to show up and can testify to that?

I know it sounds really pedantic but if you are doing your best to provide access and he is behaving like a knob, you need proof that he is messing you and your little one about. The court will then believe that you are doing your best to comply and will then know its him that is causing problems.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Yes deff record EVERYTHING!! My friend had the same issues with her son. Save all texts/emails. Write down times and dates of contact down to a T. Save bank statements regarding transfers of child support etc.
Good luck hun. Its not easy. Be strong Xx

 

[Natsku]

I agree, record everything!

 

[Ceejay123]

.

 

[MilitaryMummy]

Thank you guys...
Yes I have everything on record.... except bank statements as he doesn't give anything for me to show lol.

He did offer mediation... but for us to talk about our separation not about access to our daughter!!!!

As the judge made a huge point on.. he's having contact in a contact centre on court orders at the moment its just so annoying.

And the most annoying thing is knowing that as soon as he gets something else in his life again he will drop her again! and I hate seeing her hurting because of this!

Suppose I just have to keep on being strong like I have been for my little beauty and let what's going to happen happen I suppose. She will make her own mind up one day xx

 

[Baby France]

I think that as long as you are her constant then you should be ok.

However I would talk to your solicitor about the times he lets you down. I would ask the court (if possible) to put something in place to prevent this from happening. Explain your concerns about his adhoc approach and how you believe this to be inconsistent and affecting her wellbeing.

Hopefully this will give more stability?