Anyone feel guilty about wanting to have a second baby?

[channy3232]

Rocco is 9 months old soon. My husband would love to have another baby right away, because he says we're "not getting any younger" (I'm 30 and he's 32) I agree with him to a certain extent. But I'm almost feeling guilty about wanting to have another one. I know I will still love my boy just as much as I do now, but I would feel weird about him having to "share" my love with a sibling. Does that make sense?? It's almost like I want him to have our total attention for a few years before we "take it away" from him. But on the other hand, the older he is, the worse he might take having a new baby in the house. The jealousy and all? I'm just torn and don't know what to do!!

 

[oxfairycakexo]

I totally understand where you're coming from! Spence is 13 months now & I've been feeling a bit broody lately. Whenever I think about it I feel so guilty, like you said - I feel that Spence should have all of our attention until he's older ??

I wonder if he'll feel left out (even though he's only 13 months and wouldn't really know the difference I shoudn't imagine?) or even worse, I'll concerntrate so much on 'new' baby that I'll forget about 'older' baby or 'go off' him a bit cos there's a new tiny little buba around the place!! Ridicilous really, cos I know that'll never happen...

I don't have any answers for you sorry, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels this guilt - it shows the love we have four our LO's lol. Hope you work it out soon x

 

[mbara]

Well my daughter is 6 and I wish we didn't have to wait so long to have another but life happened and its what we had to at the moment for us. I still have those similar fears about having a second, like how would I even love another baby like I do her because we've had so many years to bond? I think it's natural but from what I hear, and when those other babies come out you just connect with them like you do the first and you learn to divide your time

 

[polo_princess]

Totally get where your coming from, i feel kind of sad that she wont get 100% of my love and attention all of the time

 

[Eternal]

i want mine close together 1. for company 2. because it will help reduce the jeluousy (cant spell sorry) and also because we want more than 2 children so want to keep them fairly close in age. i do soemtimes think its a shame planning our next already but we feel its right for us.

we are all different and whatever suits you is whats best for you. i cant wait to have 2 wee ones running round the place lol!!

 

[babyblog]

Yes it's a hard one! I don't know when to have another (if we are lucky enough to have another) but kinda think you can't plan these things. If there is nothing stopping you from having a baby soon then don't try, just don't prevent.That way it'l happen when it happens. You are far from old, so i wouldn't rush it for that reason but who knows how long it'l take. I'm of the opinion that if you leave it a longer time , say 3 yrs plus theyl be very used to all the attention. But also think of practicalities-can you imagine dealing with pregnancy tiredness with your LO as young as he is? Can you deal with 2 in nappies, double buggies etc, finances?

It's a lot to think about!

 

[Pippin]

I understand totally. I want to be able to enjoy time with my son too but I also realise that the second child will always have to share my love so I balance it out that way thinking a few extra months/ a year of sharing won't matter after a while. I'll never treat them differently but the first born will always have that extra special time so in a way I already have. That probably only makes sense in my head but I hope you'll forgive me my stupidness

As for getting on, hon, you are a spring chicken, my husband is 50 this year (I'm only 30 lucky man :winkwink but he's getting on, you guys aren't, take your time if you aren't ready

 

[Deeper Blue]

I know where your coming from for sure, but the way I think about it is I'm giving Isla a sibling close to her own age who she can grow and share her live with and they'll be close enough in age that they can play together and enjoy the same things. I think the advantages for her outweigh having to spit our attention a little.

 

[Amygdala]

"When you have a second child your love doesn't get divided, it doubles."

Can't remember where I got it from but I think it applies. I think it's normal to worry about taking love away from baby 1 but really you'll love them just the same and you'll be giving them a sibling who will hopefully be there for them for a lifetime.

 

[zaida]

Its funny....when my sister was having her second, I thought "will I love my seond niece as much as my first"? I did! And when I had my second son....I loved him the minute I knew I was pregnant with him....somehow, its true....love is not divided...it doubles....you end up loving your second as much as your first....

as for time and attention - the second child will never have mommy's undivided attention....the first child is the only one to ever have that, even if briefly! So, its nothing to feel guilty about (although feelings are NATURAL, never beat yourself up about them!) Go with what feels right, and know theres enough love for everybody!

 

[mbara]

"When you have a second child your love doesn't get divided, it doubles."

Can't remember where I got it from but I think it applies. I think it's normal to worry about taking love away from baby 1 but really you'll love them just the same and you'll be giving them a sibling who will hopefully be there for them for a lifetime.

i like that quote

 

[cleckner04]

Love that quote Amygdala!

I feel the exact same way about trying for another. At first I wanted another right away but now that Emma is getting older I'm starting to think I want to enjoy her a little longer before throwing another in the mix. I feel guilty even at the fact that I long for another when she is so amazing. I love her to death. It's very hard to picture loving something else as much but I think Amygdala's quote is true.

 

[Mummy2jayden]

Although I dont feel guyilty as such I do worry I and my family wont love no.2 and much as my ds now but im guessing thats never the case.

Amygdala thats a great saying!! I think ill use that in future

 

[AP]

Thats what worries me, Alex might have 'special needs' as they put it, and could I justify having another if she needs me more than most children?

It's really hard to deal with, not knowing what the future holds.

 

[luckyme225]

I used to feel guilty until until my son started asking me for a baby 24/7. Sometimes I think he wants one more than me lol. The only thing I worry about is making sure I split my time evenly.

 

[cdejdemommy]

Oh you girls have nothing to worry about!!!
I unintentionally got pregnant with my 2nd 5 months after my first was born. It has been the BEST thing ever!
No need to worry - love doesn't need to be divided because an amazing thing happens when you hold your second born - LOVE MULTIPLIES!!!
I love having my boys the age gap that they are (14 months apart) because they are the perfect playmates and they love each other so much. You should see them! The sweetest thing you will ever see is your children giving each other hugs and kisses!
Good luck to you whatever choice you make but just know that neither is a "bad" one