Baby Bond?

[Layla]

Have you bonded with your baby?

x

 

[Tam]

I was worried about this when pregnant with Alfie, but as soon as we thought I had lost him the love just took over from that moment and I bonded straight away with him when born.........how are you doing babe? x

 

[Layla]

not to good and i hate saying it.

I cant bond with Adam atall, he is so different from my other 3.
He crys constantly and has such a temper on him, he has red (ginger) hair and is so demanding.

I cant spend anytime with Coby coz Adam constanly crys and wants to be held, i feel so guilty for Coby and i also feel guilty for not bonding with Adam.

I am maternal, i make sure hes clean feed cuddled etc and i want to help him when hes crying in pain, but themin i can pass him off on Jase i will

I feel such a terrible mum, first i couldnt breast feed, then i had to give up expressing, now he has colic and i cant help him, plus he looks and acts so diffferent to my other 3, i just cant take it all in at the mo.

I hate admiting that i cant either, makes me feel even more of a shit mum.
I was so sure and confident on my others but i feel with Adam that i dont know what im doing and cant do anything for him.

I dont feel like he is mine, i just feel im looking after him for someone

x

 

[bunnybabe]

I loved her from day one,but i have to admit it wasn't that unbelievale mad love that you feel as soon as you hold your baby! It took me nearly 5 months to feel that,i was just thinking about it today ..i had to leave her at my parents for a whole day and i couldn't concentrate on anything because i just kept thinking about her! It is only now that i feel so madly in love with her,and i just cant imagine my life without her ..i feel ''sick'' when she's not there next to me ..but like i said,it's only now that i feel like that,before it was just love and i had to take care of a tiny human being. So don't worry,it takes time ..for some it's instant ''thing'' for others it takes time,it doesn't make you a bad mother or that you love your baby less then others,it all falls into a place in its own time.

 

[Tam]

Awwwww Layla

Don't feel shit babe!!!! You have a lot going on in your house, you have hormones all over the place, you have a baby who cries a lot and that must be getting to you, it is so different to everything you are used to, it is a shock to the system! It is bound to take time to bond given everything!

Because he has colic and cries a lot, you probably feel so helpless and this could be the bottom line of it all? Not everyone bonds straightaway, I don't feel I did with Jade I looked at her at 4 months and wondered if I was yet to bond as I was so reliant on my Mum, I used to love her getting on with it and doing it right rather than me getting it wrong. I had no confidence in my ability to look after her as I had never held a 'baby' before nevermind looked after one, maybe this is a similar thing with the colic, as it is new territory for you?

You are certainly not a shit Mum, you have been on here asking advice about things since you have had him, that shows signs of a great mum!!! If you didn't have anything there, you wouldn't worry and you would leave it all to Jase. I think once Adam starts to get better, you can then start to bond, it is not easy to take to a crying babe who never seems to be comforted by you, it is soul destroying actually (I watched my sister go thru this).

Do you feel generally low babe?

Alfie is ginger too.......so you are not the only ginger on the block (I always said if I had a ginger baby, I would shave his hair off, but I love it! I would cut someones hands off if they touched his head)! Although, it only looks it in the light and my sisters 2 were ginger to start and one is now a brunete and the other a blonde.

Please don't be down on yourself tho babe.........there is nothing wrong with you, you are no shit Mum and you will bond with Adam in time, you need to be able to enjoy him, and that is hard when he is so poorly with colic! x

 

[Layla]

Thanks Tam

Adams hair is the same, its a warm brown unless the sun shines on it or you go in right lights, then its ginger....

Im making it sound like i cant bond with him just coz he has ginger hair, thats not it atall, i dont love him any less coz hes a ginge lol, its just hard coz hes so diffrent and the constant crying.

I have this image in my head of the kind of mother i have and want to be, its just not happening this time and thats getting to me so much

x

x

 

[ablaze]

aww layla hun, i had a wee giggle at ur last post!

Im making it sound like i cant bond with him just coz he has ginger hair, thats not it atall, i dont love him any less coz hes a ginge lol, its just hard coz hes so diffrent and the constant crying.

babies are so hard to adust to!!! i remember the 1st time i changed callum i was like omg... what do i do wi his willy!!! and all it takes is a little thing to knock ur confidence!!!

so summin like colic must be really hard!!! you have 4 kids and im sure you are coping alot better than you think!!!

you are not a shit mum!!! maybe have a wee chat to ur hv , is alwyas good to let your real feelings out hun!! here if ya need a chinwag!

 

[KX]

Hi Layla,

It's funny you post this thread as you must be tuned in. I am sort of having the same problem-but more stress about everything that at times I feel like Im cracking up. I cant get my words out, so forgetful, and I cant seem to appease lucy when she is screaming, everything is exaggerated 100%-like when I hear Lucy scream it affect me way more than my mum, Dale breaks (stops) in the car and I get a fright etc-crazy I know.

Don't beat yourself up hun, you are doing a fab job looking after 4 kids, wished I had your patience. Im not a Dr but it just sounds like you are worn out, and need rest (impossible I know) and Adam is a demanding little Diva. can Jase maybe take them out for you for a few hours to give you a moments peace?

I am here if you need a chat hun

 

[Tam]

Thanks Tam

Adams hair is the same, its a warm brown unless the sun shines on it or you go in right lights, then its ginger....

Im making it sound like i cant bond with him just coz he has ginger hair, thats not it atall, i dont love him any less coz hes a ginge lol, its just hard coz hes so diffrent and the constant crying.

I have this image in my head of the kind of mother i have and want to be, its just not happening this time and thats getting to me so much

x

x

Oi, I never accused you of being a ginger hater.......did you not read how protective I was of ginger?


Just give yourself time babe!!! You have a lot to contend with at the mo, you will get there, blimey hun you have a house full and a new born, how are you not pulling your hair out?! I know I am not there, but you seem to be doing a really good job, and I am not the only one saying this, just look above!

I really think that once the colic calms down you will see a completely different little boy and you will soon bond with him! It really does sound like the colic has knocked you for 6 and you are like a headless chicken, who has no time to bond because he is crying alot. Just give yourself time! x

 

[Layla]

Today has been the first day that its been me Coby and Adam since he was born....

with xmas we had the kids off school, Adam being born meant Jase has been off work.

each day we have had family and friends coming over, and Jase sister and her 2 boys have been staying with us for 5 days which has been incredibly stressful for me, they went home yesteday..

Kids are back in school, jase is back in work today (he took extra time off to see his sister)

today has been very calm and i have got in to a routine, Took Coby to toddler group this morning, first one since xmas, he had lots of fun.

Adam hasnt screamed the house down, im hoping the change of milk is working....i have managed to do 2 loads of washing an genraly tidy the house up.

They are both asleep now so i can have time out

x

 

[Suz]

Just want to give you a hug Layla. I know you are a good Mom and just have your hands full at the moment. Everyone will adjust soon. Im glad you got into a calm routine today. I hope things settle for you soon.

 

[mickey]

I have to cuddle and kiss her all the time and I feel deep love for her. boy, I didn't expect that this mother instinct and bonding thing is so strong!!!
if I don't see her for more than two hours I start to miss her already!

she is a calm baby and hardly cries, however most evenings she starts to get fuzzy on the breast, I think 'cos she is overstimulated or overtired from the day! then sometimes it is difficult to settle her and I really need OH for support!

it is very demanding when they cry a lot and you just might be overwhelmed at the moment!

don't worry and wait a bit more until the colic has settled. I am sure the bonding kicks in sooner or later

by the way: I am really hot on ginger hair! we didn't have a chance to get a baby with ginger hair though as OH is black and I am white

 

[Kina]

I didn't bond with Alex for months, not properly. Now I love my little man to bits but for the first few months I was just going through the motions. When I look at photos or watch video of him during the first few weeks I could be looking at a stranger's baby, I don't recognise him at all. It's only been the past couple of months the fog has totally cleared You will bond with him Layla, it may just take time.

 

[Iwantone!!!]

aaww hunni i not a shit mummy u have rised 3 beautiful children already and 4th one in the way up too it must be hard everyone in and out of the house no time to get urself organise hunni keep ur chin up ur a great mummy xxx

 

[Stef]

Oh Layla I really feel for you, Im always about if you want to chat at all. I know on some wave lenghts how you're feeling as Olivia crys more than I imagined sometimes too and i just cant seem to ever settle her sometimes and feel so frustrated, But I can imagine it must be extremely difficult when you have constant visitors etc.

xx

 

[Tezzy]

oh Layla hun! i didnt bond with Rhys for a long time after he was born, i would make sure he was clean,fed and cuddled but felt like a was 'seperated' emotionally from my actions.

big hugs to you hun, i hope you get a better routine now the kids are in school and the house is quieter. i hope you feel better soon, i know getting the house tidied a bit must have made you feel a bit calmer too

im glad you had some time out too, everybody needs a bit of 'me time'

 

[Hels]

Layla, I cnat believe you have had your SIL and 2 more kids in the house so soon after Adam arriving, no wonder you have been stressed woman! Maybe now you can get some routine established and some calm instilled things may be a little smoother for you all.

I didnt bond with Charlie for the first few months, Yes I loved her, but now Im obsessed LOL! It will click in to place and everything will be perfect.
Keep your chin up and get yourself as much P+Q as you can when the boys are sleeping. HUGS xxxxxxxx

 

[Layla]

thanks guys,

its reasureing to know im not the only one who cant/hasnt bonded yet.

I just hope it happens

x

 

[Wobbles]

Wanted to give you a

Im overwhelmed & love Caitlin very much but when I panic its hard or Im tired. Can't be easy with a very colicy baby from what I've read I know I am lucky. I think that would strain me alot.