"Baby is hungry" is not the answer to everything!

[mh_ccl]

I swear, every time DH has the baby and she begins fussing, he immediately tries to hadnher off to me, claiming she's hungry. Even if I tell him she fed not an hour ago, he'll still do it. Then he seems *amazed* that I managed to calm her down without feeding.

He usually sits with her and maybe rocks her side to side a bit. I've tried telling him that he should get up and walk around with her when she gets fussy, but he just claims she's hungry and hands her off to me.

Is he lazy or just clueless?

 

[Cyan]

It was EXACTLY the same here! It's just easier for them to pass off a fussy baby, and "she's hungry" is a far better excuse than "I don't want to do this"!

I asked my OH why he did it and he sheepishly admitted it was to get out of settling her, but then went on to explain that he felt unsure that he would be able to calm her and didn't really feel confident. It's got much better now she's a bit older (6 months) and he knows her better. For us it all boiled down to confidence... and a teeny bit of laziness! I also found that if I wasn't in the room with them that he'd try much harder. Maybe he felt a bit silly? Who knows. Maybe you could try nipping off for a shower or making a cup of tea (and taking your sweet time over it!) when you know your LO just can't be hungry? It'll get better soon I'm sure.

 

[Shandelion]

Yep...I get so tired of hearing how much it breaks his heart that he can't help our son when he's crying. He ain't hungry! Walk him, talk with him, rock him, change him... and don't say oooh, it's time to take the dog out

 

[Mrs HM]

Lazy! This is my most hated thing about BF as it provides the perfect excuse to palm off all of the work! And my DH is just the same. It's really awful as I know that she'll try to latch on again if I take her as she smells the milk and then she'll be sick, when all she needs is my DH to rock or bounce her around a bit. It's laziness pure and simple!

 

[JessesGirl29]

I used to battle with this from time to time too. I agree with previous poster....If YOU know your baby was just fed and cant be hungry then you need to leave the area so he's not so self conscious (or if it's laziness, so he can't get you ).

When I was losing my mind during our evening fussy period I'd either say "Here's the baby, the crying is stressing me out and he's full of milk, can you take a turn while I go take a shower" OR I'd give him an exact task "Here's the baby, the crying is stressing me out and he's full of milk, can you give him a bath?"

Did this to combat the problem early on and now it doesn't happen anymore. Men can be insecure about having the ability to settle a baby I think and it's easier when someone's not watching them so they can grow their confidence.....at least thats how it was with us.

(I've also had embarrassing times during growth sprouts when I called him lazy and baby was indeed hungry again )

 

[Sarah lo]

My DH does this ALL THE TIME. It drives me nuts. The worst thing is that when he gives LO back to me he usually does latch on and feed but only because he smells the milk on me and thinks to himself "yeah, I could eat" then he throws it all back up after but DH then assumes he was right.

In their defence, I think it must be quite daunting trying to settle a baby when you can't feed them. Sometimes when I'm struggling to settle LO I will pull out a boob and offer it even though I know he's not hungry, but I just want to rule it out. DH doesn't have that option.

Still annoying though!

 

[AmysU4ea]

My DH did this SAME Thing! But since we FF, he just would say, "she doesn't want me, she wants her mama"..... I was highly annoyed by it until I realized that he was just very unsure of how to calm her. Even though I would tell him exactly what to do, I think he would start panicking.... Now he is great with her! Things started turning around as soon as she around 5-6 months old.... Ive heard this from a lot of people.... I just don't think men enjoy babies as much until they can interact... I found that he did better when I wasn't around... Then he had no choice but to fugues it out.

 

[BigAl]

I think they are a bit lazy, but a bit freaked out. I found putting my lo in a stretchy wrap help calm him a lot, so i would just get my oh to wear him in the sling and take him out for a walk. So he could help with settling him, without actually having to do anything.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

It's def a man thing ! I need to explain the e a s y routine to him, may help hi. Understand it's not all about the feeding

 

[rachy01]

we are 9 months in and it's still the same. If he starts fussing whoever is holding him goes "he wants booby" and hands him back....im not even mummy, im booby. no one else is capable of getting him to sleep or calm down....it's laziness and so far it's no better.