Baby won't sleep unless held!

[Rachel320]

Help! I have a 5 week old and since day 1 she won't sleep unless being held. We have tried the Moses basket, cot, the very expensive Sleepyhead, hot water bottles, clothes that smell of us, white noise apps - EVERYTHING! We are currently co-sleeping, we have no choice.
We recently bought a sling which does work for daytime naps but isn't a long term solution.
Will this phase pass? I'm exhausted and even if she settled in her bed for an hour during the day it would be an achievement.
Should we keep persisting with trying to put her down once we get her to sleep? There's mixed advice, especially for high need babies which she is! xx

 

[loeylo]

I'd definitely put them down when they are asleep, somewhere nice and close. My daughter was the exact same, even from the first night in hospital. She was fine if you put her down once she was asleep, but wouldn't fall asleep on her own. For our sanity we held her until she was asleep and then lay her in her crib in the living room, we then moved her into our room when we went to bed.

When she was about 5 months she grew out her crib so had to be moved into her cot, which meant she had to be in her own room. She was fine with the transition by this age.

Unfortunately, she's 18 months and still won't go to sleep herself. She's now in a cot bed and one of us sit with her until she falls asleep. Fortunately she doesn't need held to sleep any more but we need to be right beside her until she drifts off!

 

[Rachel320]

Thanks for the reply. We do sometimes try to put her down when she's fallen asleep but every time without fail she'll wake up within 10 minutes and end up crying to be held. This goes on for the whole day until I give in because she starts getting grumpy due to the lack of sleep and I know an overtired baby doesn't sleep well anyway. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation!!

 

[CeriB]

She is still really young and just need comfort from you. It will pass but in the meantime, try and rest when she does and if you can put her down once asleep, keep her close so she still feels you.

DD was exactly the same. I could not put her down and whenever I tried, she kicked off until I picked her back up. She was bf and would fed constantly. I think that made her extra clingy. It did pass and by 6weeks or so, she was able to sleep a few hours in her Moses or next to me in bed.

She won't understand being left left to cry and that would probably make it worse. Will see go down somewhere awake but settled?

 

[cupcake.]

My little girl was the same. Cosleeping at night and I always had to rock her for ages and keep holding her during the day. By about 8-10 weeks she started accepting her cosleeper crib during the night but daytime naps took ages until she was ready to sleep on her own.
I tried every once in a while to put her down in her cot though it didn't work often.

She was high needs, crying and screaming all day because she was pretty much constantly tired but couldn't wind down to fall asleep.

It wasn't until DD was almost 4 months old when she suddenly started falling asleep in her crib for naps. I didn't change anything or try anything new - i just realized she wasn't sleeping as calm in my arms anymore so i just tried putting her down in the crib. I always put her down awake. Sometimes i can leave and she just falls asleep, sometimes i have to hold her hand until she falls asleep.

She's my first, so i just gave her what she seemed to need at the time which was constantly being held.

When it was tough i tried reminding myself that it was just a phase, because that's what everyone said! And it really was, now all her naps are in her crib, as is her nighttime sleep, in her own room now even! And i miss it sometimes, holding my girl in my arms for her naps, looking at the peaceful face.. I know it's tough, i really do, i longed for just a bit of time for myself, not being either screamed at or stuck under a sleeping baby. But in hindsight, it went by fast. Being hold is now usually too boring for DD, we pretty much live on the floor now and soon she'll be on the move.

Again i know it's tough but she's only so little and you still only just gave birth. Try to spend lots of time with her in bed, skin to skin. It will pass and then you will long for just one more nap in your arms

 

[xdxxtx]

Gosh, I just hold my babies until they're ready to sleep on their own. They need a LOT of holding, love and comfort. Especially as newborns and through the first 3 months of their lives. Then, they quickly start becoming more and more independent. My fourth-born is now 13 months old, and he is sooooooo independent. He coslept (with my OH unless I nursed him in sidelying position because I'm too deep a sleeper) for 8 loooooooong months, and now, I can put him in his crib at bedtime, and he will just roll over and go right to sleep. Oh, it's wonderful. And I barely remember the horrors of waking up every five minutes for 8 months to make sure he was okay in my bed.

 

[loeylo]

Gosh, I just hold my babies until they're ready to sleep on their own. They need a LOT of holding, love and comfort. Especially as newborns and through the first 3 months of their lives. Then, they quickly start becoming more and more independent. My fourth-born is now 13 months old, and he is sooooooo independent. He coslept (with my OH unless I nursed him in sidelying position because I'm too deep a sleeper) for 8 loooooooong months, and now, I can put him in his crib at bedtime, and he will just roll over and go right to sleep. Oh, it's wonderful. And I barely remember the horrors of waking up every five minutes for 8 months to make sure he was okay in my bed.

Not possible for everyone though ... my baby is 18 months and I work full time. On the odd night that we cosleep (maybe once every 6-8 weeks if she is unwell) none of us get any sleep. There is no way I could function at work if she was in my bed every night.

 

[Mrs. MB]

My little girl was the exact same way. From the first night in the hospital she had to be held. I co-slept with her for two weeks but kept trying for more independence. We started with a half hour in the rock and play and then 45 minutes and then an hour... I had to sleep in the first 10 weeks of her life. I swear I had hallucinations from lack of sleep. We kept trying and trying. Getting her used to her crib, I'd put her in awake every morning and turn in the mobile and read to her and sing while she was laying down. When she was about 10 weeks she fell asleep on her own for the first time. We still go back and forth on bottle/rock/hold/self-soothe depending on the situation but it's better. Hang in there mama, life with a new baby is hard.

My daughter hated carriers, wraps, being on her back, car seat, swing, stroller - everything for the first 10-12 weeks... she's a happy baby with a very large personality these days.

 

[marmoset]

My LO turns nine months next week and can't sleep unless he is being held or cuddled. He's been this way since birth. He naps in a carrier during the day and we cosleep at night. It's getting to be really hard to cope with at this point. Just a data point for you I guess! Sorry that's not all that encouraging. Oof.

 

[BabyGirl999]

Sorry but that sounds completely normal!

 

[Starlight32]

I realized early on that my daughter needs a sleep sack on every time for her to even entertain staying asleep after being put down. I held her for naps for the first 3 months because it was just easier...

I still hold her until very sleepy most of the time so I'm probably not the best person to give advice.. she's 11 months.