Back here again

[madtowngirl]

After two miscarriages, and years of infertility, I finally had my rainbow in 2015. A few months ago, I stopped the pill, and my husband and I decided we'd just "let nature take it's course."

#$% nature.

I got a surprise BFP last Saturday. Wednesday, I started spotting. I went in for a Beta on Thursday when I should have been 6 weeks - it was 236. Low, but of course, the nurses were insistent that despite the spotting and low hcg, I might be okay. The snow made the roads really bad yesterday, so I ended up going for my second beta today (Sunday). But it doesn't matter, I know what the results are going to be. The bleeding started in earnest last night.

I'm just so angry. It's like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me - this baby would have been perfect timing. A nice age gap with my daughter, delivery before I turned 35, and our family would have been complete and how I always imagined it.

This makes miscarriage #3. And our choices are basically either 1) go back to the RE to try and get some answers and maybe do more IUI 2) accept that we will be a family of 3 and be done or 3) adopt to complete our family. DH is incredibly wishy washy, but seems to be against adoption. I don't know why.

I am just so done with this emotional roller coaster that is TTC.

 

[Myshelsong]

I'm sorry mad. Sending you big giant hugs and lots of crazy love.
Don't give up.

 

[madtowngirl]

Thanks, Myshel. Loss sucks.

 

[sunflower82]

I'm so sorry for your loss big hugs

 

[xxmyheartxx]

I'm so sorry hun, sending u big hugs xxx

 

[hazelpanda]

First, I am so, so sorry for your losses.

2nd, hang in there! It will happen one way or another. one thing you could talk about with your husband adoption wise...is embryo adoption. you would conceive through IVF with donated embryos. You wouldn't biologically be the parents but you would experience pregnancy and maybe your husband would fee more connected to the child? just something to consider.

i know conceiving is hard. I have been through all the methods and only finally had two kids through IVF. But if you want more, you can find a way! don't give up!! hugs and prayers from PA

 

[mom2pne]

I'm sorry for your losses! Did you get your BETA's back? Are you in Madison, WI by chance?

 

[madtowngirl]

I am in Madison, WI! I did get my betas back, and they went down. I'm pretty sure it's complete now. I'm going to have a recurrent miscarriage blood panel in a couple of weeks, so maybe we're on the path to answers.

Thank you everyone, for your condolences. This time of year is so hard for those of us who have had a loss.

 

[mom2pne]

I am in Madison, WI! I did get my betas back, and they went down. I'm pretty sure it's complete now. I'm going to have a recurrent miscarriage blood panel in a couple of weeks, so maybe we're on the path to answers.

Thank you everyone, for your condolences. This time of year is so hard for those of us who have had a loss.

That's good that you are having blood work done! I hope you stay pregnant next time! I'm in Janesville and head to Madison about 6 times a year. 4 are for doctor appointments for 2 of my children. 1 needs to see an endocrinologist twice a year and another son to see a rheumatologist twice a year both at AF Children's and then we go to the zoo or do other stuff there.

Added that I figured you were in Madison because of your user name.