Broody teenager...

[Lisa (:]

Hi I'm Lisa, my first proper post after the obligatory introduction

I'm 18, currently studying for my A-levels at college and generally not sure where to take my life from here

If someone had told me a couple of years ago I'd seriously be considering motherhood over university after college I'd have feared for their mental health, but so much has changed in the past two years (most notably falling head over heels in love with my OH ) I'm beginning to contemplate the fact that maybe higher education isn't the path for me to take.

I can't say I've particularly enjoyed my A-levels, and, with a couple of friends currently expecting, I've found myself broody as hell! Me and OH are certainly not planning anything at the minute, but I won't be seeking university entry until next year, purely because I think I need a break from education to sort my self out!

I know I'm young, but I know of many women (my own mother included) who waited to have children because that was what was expected, and lived to regret it (in my Mum's case she was left only being able to have two children, when she'd originally planned on more).

Just wondered if anyone had any thoughts?

 

[booflebump]

Firstly, welcome to WTT.

I have been broody for a long time, and remember feeling overwhelmingly so at around 18. I was working, had my own flat, and was very wrapped up in my partner at the time.

A year later, I wanted to go to uni, I left my partner (after I realised he was a horrible, horrible man) and now only 8 years later am I really genuinely ready for a child. I felt like I was ready back then, but in hindsight, I can see how in so many ways I wasnt. You may feel mature now, but there is so much personal growth that you should have the freedom to do before you have a family.

Have you thought about the kind of work you would like to move in to if you arent going to go down the education route?

Do you live at home or with your boyfriend? Living together, paying your own bills, and experiencing mundane day-to-day life is a good test of any relationship.

I am in no way being down on you, but its a huge life changing thing that overwhelms women 20 years older than you, so I just wanted to give you some things to think on

xxx

 

[xLisax]

I don't particularly have any advice as I was your age (19 in 3 months) when our surprise Max Bean was discovered If someone had told me I'd be a mum by the time I was 19 I wouldnt have believed it! But he to put it simply, is The best thing thats ever happened to me

Maybe talk it out with OH, see how you both feel! Good on you for not jumping into anything and taking the time to think about all of your options

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide, and welcome to WTT :wave:

Look forward to getting to know you fellow Lisa

 

[xLisax]

Agree with Boofs too, Living together etc is good thing to experience and get to grips with before a baba comes along

 

[pichi]

i took a break from education then went on to get my Hon's Degree at Uni.

my perspective on it was - although i was broody as hell i waited and got my degree. at least my degree isn't going to run away from me so i can have my kiddie winkles and then when the time comes, my degree will still be there for me to do what i wish with it

you may find that if you go with the broody head you will side-track Uni altogether. in 4 years time (well 5 if you take a year out) you'll be the same age as i am now (23) and the prospects of having a higher paid job ahead if you wish to go that route with your degree.

that's my opinion anyways but i am sure you will choose what is best xx

 

[Ley]

Hi hun, I was 18 when my OH and I decided we wanted a baby. There were babies being born all around us and we both felt it was what we wanted. We were both working at the time although we were living with his parents.
We fell pregnant after 9 months of trying and were lucky in that we were given a house very early in my pregnancy. My daughter was born when I was 19. At the time I thought it was the best decision I had ever made but now 4 years on, I do wish I had waited a little longer.
I left school after GCSE's and didn't take my education any further as I was working. I gave up work to look after my daughter and her sibling when she was born.
Although I do not regret having my children at all as I love them more than anything in the world. I now find myself in the position of having no qualifications past a few GCSE's and hardly any work experience. It is proving extremely difficult to find work because of this.
If I could do my time again I would have stayed in work a built up some experience before settling down to have children.

Ultimately it is your decision and you have to do what you think will make you happy but just remember that once your children are growing up and entering school, unless you have education or work experience to fall back on you may find it difficult.

Just my two pence anyway
Good luck whatever you decide xx

 

[Lisa (:]

Hey girls :wave:

I knew exactly the sort of responces I'd get to this, I know how naive I must sound

I'm fully aware of the fact a baby is such a life changing ordeal, and you must know me and OH (who supports my idea to take a year out to consider options) would never activly try and get pregnant unless we were as sure as we could be that we could cope both emotionally and financially with a little one, although I'm sure most will agree that there's only so much you can do to prepare

I've never been a firm believer in the fact that the best time to have children is after all the tick-boxes of university, marriage, career etc. have been filled, or that education has to happen in one big block. I know of several people who've returned to studying after several years out to do degrees etc thanks to mature entry programmes and the Open University, this is always something that would remain open to me should I wish to return to education at a later date, at a time when I could really throw myself into it rather than only haphazardly attempting a degree course now when my interests are elsewhere.

Also, to answer your question, I'm living on my own atm, and OH with his parents, although he is paying rent and his share of the bills. Both our parents were very keen to establish independence in us, which I'm very greatful for, and I'm learnt far more about in the world in the few months living alone than I ever did wrapped up at home

 

[silverbell]

Hello and welcome

Just wanted to say that I've heard of more women who had children when they were young and regretted it later in life than those who waited (not regretted the baby of course, but regretted the missed youth/education/career/etc etc). My mother waited until she was 26 before she had me and had 3 more after me. However, she still tells me she wished she'd waited longer so she could do all the things she wanted to do before kids came along.

Obviously the choice is yours as a couple. In the meantime, enjoy your time here and it's nice to meet you x

 

[Sophie1205]

I got pregnant and 17 and had my LO at 18. I was studying for my Alevels when I got pregnant and sat them pregnant, which was really hard. I already had a place at uni before I got pregnant but I had to cancel it because of the baby. Thinking back now it would have been better to have gone to uni and so I could get a good job and set myself up for life. I love my LO to bits and wouldnt change him (he was a happy accident baby) but now 17 months after his birth Ive only just managed to get a job (and not a good one at that) and realising how hard it is to keep up with bills, a house a toddler and a job.

In my honest opinion, having a baby is great and its all nice when theyre tiny and cuddles etc.... but when they hit toddler stage its so so hard and ive got soooo much more of this to come. When I was pregnant I never even thought about this stage.. the tantrums etc..

If I were in your position. I would take your year out of education, have fun! be young! then go to uni and get yourself set up for life. But thats just what I would do if I was in your situation. Obviously I wasnt careful enough!

Good luck hun xx

 

[amyclaire]

Hey lisa. Welcome to bnb. I've been broody for a good couple of years now, I'm almost 21 and I'm just about to finish my degree. I definitely agree with taking time out after a levels. A part of me wishes I'd just gone into work after my a levels as I've hated most of uni (apart from meeting my oh) and really hate the whole student thing. You're right, u can definitely always go back and do a degree if u want to. In agreement about getting stuff sorted in a block, we don't plan on getting married until we're 26 ish, but we'll be ttc in a year. I definitely agree with others about living with a partner. I've been lucky that living with my oh has been so easy, but its definitely something u need to get used to, budgeting etc. U must be learning a lot of independence living on your own though so that's good do u have any ideas what u want to do career wise? I'd say the steps to take before u ttc is live with oh, and just build up a bit of money together in a jobs you're stable in. Time will fly by xxxx

 

[strawberry19]

hello im ttc but pop back over here every so often!!
im 19 and in a full time job as a nursery nurse and me and my oh have our own house! i was never interested in higher education and when back in school was told id never proceed to nothing fact is i just didnt know what i wanted to do as a career. after leaving school i took an aprentichip as a nursery nurse and have been there ever since i love my job so much and made me realise how ready i was to be a mum! i met my oh not long after his daughter was stillborn and we pretty much started ttc straight away desperate for a child. 3 months into the relationship we brought our own home and now when i see the snobby people from school who were trying to make something of themselves most are either dropped out of uni and in dead end jobs they hate or not doing nothing at all. seems cards have turnt i was the one not knowing what to do and have ended up better off a baby would complete me too

oh and about the leaving it too late i think its important to really think about it my mum had me and my brother then suffered through early menopause at 24!! ofcourse she was and still is devastated and has said to me she would never be angry if i had a baby young and in some ways encourages me now even though she has no clue about me and oh ttc!!

end of the day your ready when your ready and only you know when that is

 

[BButterflies]

I am got really broody at 19. But I think if a degree will help you in your career in life then you should definately get it first. I am finishing my second yr now, and will be finish completely this time next year, Uni gave me the chance to live with my OH and see that we truly were compatable and could have children together.

If you do uni you won't have regrets about your education, if you don't you might always be wondering what if?

How long have you and your OH been together? I think what booflebump said is right about living together and experiencing the mundane day to day life - who does the washing up etc. Its a big test of how well you work as a couple and ho you will share responsibility as parents.

 

[babycakes16]

Hi I'm Lisa, my first proper post after the obligatory introduction

I'm 18, currently studying for my A-levels at college and generally not sure where to take my life from here

If someone had told me a couple of years ago I'd seriously be considering motherhood over university after college I'd have feared for their mental health, but so much has changed in the past two years (most notably falling head over heels in love with my OH ) I'm beginning to contemplate the fact that maybe higher education isn't the path for me to take.

I can't say I've particularly enjoyed my A-levels, and, with a couple of friends currently expecting, I've found myself broody as hell! Me and OH are certainly not planning anything at the minute, but I won't be seeking university entry until next year, purely because I think I need a break from education to sort my self out!

I know I'm young, but I know of many women (my own mother included) who waited to have children because that was what was expected, and lived to regret it (in my Mum's case she was left only being able to have two children, when she'd originally planned on more).

Just wondered if anyone had any thoughts?

I feel exactly like you do. I am also doing my A levels at the moment and want a baby so bad. I have a place at university for this coming september but ive even been contemplating giving it up because I feel like i want to start a family right now more than i want to do that, although I do want to go to university at a later date.

My OH is already at uni and wants a baby too but he says he would rather wait until after he and I have graduated, and that just feels sooooo far away but it looks like Im going to have to deal with it because I don't want to push him into something he doesnt really want at this moment in time. We have plans to move in together as both our unis are near eachother, so hopefully that will give me a better idea of how we'll work as a couple, as some of you have been saying.....

I'm just really confused, I really want to go to uni but I feel like im doing it half heartedly

 

[petitpas]

Hello broody Lisa!

I can't give you too much advice on the broodiness as my situation was different to yours in that I didn't meet a partner I wanted to have children with until I was 25. So you are waaaay ahead of me on that one

University is expensive so you are doing the right thing in taking your time before rushing into it. Especially if you can spend this year living with your partner and working to save up some money in advance

I was lucky as fees had only just been introduced when I started uni. I went through the clearing system as I HATED my A-levels and had terrible results and wasn't sure what to do so started working first... I never even had a proper think about what I was going to study and was very lucky in that I LOVED it. I was also able to work part-time all the way through uni so I wasn't in too much debt when I finished, had good work experience and a degree to go with it. Pretty much sorted If I'd been with DH then, I'm sure I would have been happy to start a family right away. My Mum had me while she was studying, too, and I'm the second child!

I think the time out you are planning will really give you the opportunity to enjoy living together with your partner and to learn about working and what and where you want to go career-wise. University and babies are not mutually exclusive and there is a lot of help around for young mums!

Take care and all the best

 

[Lisa (:]

It's great to talk to some people who agree with me on the university is not the only option after a-levels front, I strongly suspect I'd have been one of the dropouts had I have been going this September, not because I don't want to continue my education, but purely because I don't think it's the right thing for me to do right now. I'd much rather be able to proudly say at a university interview in a few years time that I put my education on hold to start a family than be forced to admit I dropped out first time around after following the crowd and doing something I wasn't fully committed to.

My Mum did everything "in order" after leaving school, and ended up not having me (her first) until she was 33. At 36 she suffered an extremely complicated pregnancy with my brother, and after he was finally delivered was told rather bluntly by her doctor that she should not have any more children. She was devestated and shocked that her child-bearing years were over before she believed they'd really begun, and has always told me she'd never critisize me for having a child "too young". One thing she told me that really stuck with me is it's all well and good having a career sorted before children, but it is also another complication to consider when planning a child, for some women taking months off on maternity leave simply isn't practical, and, not wishing to compromise the care their child receives, they wait even longer.

I completely agree with the fact studying and babies aren't mutually exclusive (albeit a bit of a handful ) too, especially with things like the Open University. The college I'm at now also offers degree level study, and on a daily basis I see women continuing their studies throughout their pregnancies. If I did decide to start a family in the near future I don't think this is the route I'd be taking, but it's nice to know the option's available

It's been said that if I don't go to uni now I could be left wondering "what if?" which I know could be true, but again I don't see uni as something that has to be done now, and am fully aware of the fact it's possible to do a degree at 65...but having a baby may pose a bit more of a problem

 

[hopeandpray]

just wanted to say that if you decide to wait there's a thread for young people waiting to try. i'm pretty much in the same position as you but have decided to get my degree first and then TTC. i completely agree about what the ladies say about living with your OH first. have you any idea what you want to do in uni or work as? the way i see it i'm going to go to college so that i will be able to support my babies by myself. nowadays its just too hard to get a good job or any job without qualifications.
i do understand where you're coming from though, i'm really broody

 

[Damita]

Hey and welcome :wave: I would def live with your OH first, but at the end of the day it's up to you, I went to uni later in life not because I had a child because I couldn't decided what to do with my life, I am really glad I had the option and in that time last three I met my husband, brought a house and got married, now we are planning a baby, do what is right for you I always believe everything happens for a reason

 

[booflebump]

Have you had any thoughts about what you would like to do other than full time education? Is your OH currently studying or whats his plans for employment in the future?

 

[panther19]

It's been said that if I don't go to uni now I could be left wondering "what if?" which I know could be true, but again I don't see uni as something that has to be done now, and am fully aware of the fact it's possible to do a degree at 65...but having a baby may pose a bit more of a problem

Hey and welcome!

If you don't feel like you want to go to Uni yet.. don't go. I am 24, finished highschool.. got a college degree and honestly... I wish I wouldn't have bothered. Nothing against getting a degree but if it's not what you really want it's a waste of time and a lot of money. At 19 I was starting Uni after college and I just stopped... I wanted to do other things. I have a lifetime ahead of me to learn and I love education so why not take my time. Same for you. I have my own company now and am slowly working towards finishing Uni. I'm fourth year now but I am in absolutely no rush to finish up.

All the kids that put such high esteem on going to UNI and doing everything the 'right way'... pfft. There is no 'right' way! Do what feels good for you. You sound like a smart girl and if you and your OH are capable and mature enough to support a child I would say by all means go for it. Children and university are not mutually exclusive and it is possible to go back to Uni later since there is no age limit on learning, like you said. It is however impossible to turn back time to have a baby sooner

 

[Lisa (:]

I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason too, and can't help thinking this doubt I'm feeling towards going to uni is something trying to tell me not to go, at least not right now As I've said previously if I had been going this September I know I wouldn't have got everything out of uni I could potentially get, and couldn't even say I was just going for the student experience, since I turned 18 I've been on a grand total of 3 nights out with my friends, and spent all of them wanting to go home and snuggle up in bed :laugh 2:

To answer a few questions about my OH he's currently doing an IT apprenticeship while working for his uncle's IT consultancy firm, he too is planning a gap year and is waiting to see what happens before considering university, but thanks to his uncle's company he's been ridiculously lucky that he's potentially got a career waiting for him that doesn't require any further study. And as for us living together he ended up staying with me 4 out of 7 nights last week...so seems we're getting there without any conscious decision anyway

In terms of what I want to as a career I honestly have no idea, yet another reason why I don't believe uni is right for me yet. Fortunatly I've always got good grades so have many options open, and have considered teaching in the past...but the only thing that constantly appeals is being a mum