Bullying

[sarah_george]

Anyone have any good advice or experience of bullying and how to deal with it? My daughter who's 10 had a day of school a little over a week ago and when she went back her best friend of 2 years had decided to be best friends with someone else and dropped her like a hot brick, they have fell out for the odd day before 'kids stuff' i thought they will sort it out - well its now a week later and its got progressivley worse, everytime my daughter makes a new friend then her old old best friend bullys them into not being friends with my daughter, its got that bad now that she doesnt want to go to school as she says they spend all break taunting her - I'm soo upset about it and not sure what to do, all i do know is that I cant allow this behaviour to continue, do i appoach the parent, the school? any advice as to what to say to my daughter? its horrible I havent had to deal with this before and i really dont know what to do, any comments would be greatly appreciated thanks all xx

 

[xJG30]

I'd approach the school and see if there's something they can do, it's never nice to be bullied let alone not want to go to school. Really hope you sort something out

 

[Lozlocharlton]

I don't have any experience with my children being bullied because I am pregnant with my first. But when I was younger I was severely bullied; Beaten up, called names, taunted, teased, locked in places, had rumours spread - the lot. It didn't help that I had moved from Scotland to England, so had a really broad glaswegian accent, curly blonde frizzy hair and blue 'Deirdri from Corro' glasses!! I don't really remember any particular events, it's all a kind've blur. I'm aware that I was bullied and I'm aware that I felt down a lot, but the thing that I will always remember, is the day that my dad found out. When he was taking me swimming and he saw all the bruises, he didn't even ask me what had happened. He just looked at me and said 'I will never let anyone hurt you ever again' I must have been about 7. And it was the look that he gave me that just made me realise that everything was going to be OK. We have always had this understanding, sometimes we don't need to say anything because he knows me better than any person in this world. And every person is different, there is no book on how to be a parent, you have to take it from experience, but personally I honestly think the best thing you can do is let her know that you are there, no matter what. Also, she may hate you for about 2 hours for doing this, but talk to her school. I was dying of embarrassment when my dad came into school the next day but a week later and it was all forgotten. There is also no harm in letting her know that sometimes, sticking up for herself isn't a bad thing. I am so scared of teaching my son (when he's actually here and is old enough to go to school) to fight back because you can teach your child that too much- hence how children become bullies but I wish when I was getting bullied that I had the confidence to just walk away or just every now and then, shout back. Instead I was too scared and just froze, I stood there and let them say it and they knew then that they could say it and I'd never do anything about it. It's easy for me to say all this though, I'm not a parent yet, and as much as I say all this, nobody knows how to act until there in that situation. Whatever you do, you'll do the right thing. Talk to her. She might want your help but she might want to sort it out herself, and I can't imagine how hard it is for you, knowing that she is so upset and that somebody is being so mean.

I really hope that it gets sorted for you.

xxx

 

[sarah_george]

I don't have any experience with my children being bullied because I am pregnant with my first. But when I was younger I was severely bullied; Beaten up, called names, taunted, teased, locked in places, had rumours spread - the lot. It didn't help that I had moved from Scotland to England, so had a really broad glaswegian accent, curly blonde frizzy hair and blue 'Deirdri from Corro' glasses!! I don't really remember any particular events, it's all a kind've blur. I'm aware that I was bullied and I'm aware that I felt down a lot, but the thing that I will always remember, is the day that my dad found out. When he was taking me swimming and he saw all the bruises, he didn't even ask me what had happened. He just looked at me and said 'I will never let anyone hurt you ever again' I must have been about 7. And it was the look that he gave me that just made me realise that everything was going to be OK. We have always had this understanding, sometimes we don't need to say anything because he knows me better than any person in this world. And every person is different, there is no book on how to be a parent, you have to take it from experience, but personally I honestly think the best thing you can do is let her know that you are there, no matter what. Also, she may hate you for about 2 hours for doing this, but talk to her school. I was dying of embarrassment when my dad came into school the next day but a week later and it was all forgotten. There is also no harm in letting her know that sometimes, sticking up for herself isn't a bad thing. I am so scared of teaching my son (when he's actually here and is old enough to go to school) to fight back because you can teach your child that too much- hence how children become bullies but I wish when I was getting bullied that I had the confidence to just walk away or just every now and then, shout back. Instead I was too scared and just froze, I stood there and let them say it and they knew then that they could say it and I'd never do anything about it. It's easy for me to say all this though, I'm not a parent yet, and as much as I say all this, nobody knows how to act until there in that situation. Whatever you do, you'll do the right thing. Talk to her. She might want your help but she might want to sort it out herself, and I can't imagine how hard it is for you, knowing that she is so upset and that somebody is being so mean.

I really hope that it gets sorted for you.

xxx

Thankyou for your reply, its inspiring to hear and i'm glad you have obviously come out of the other end - a better person because of it no doubt, i'l take on board what you have said, its soo hard when you bring up your children the correct way - to be nice and kind etc. then they start school and mix with children that just take advantage of there kind nature. Children can be soo mean. thanks hun xxx

 

[Lozlocharlton]

That's OK honey

She'll be OK. Kids are alot tougher than you think. You'd be suprised by how much she is really bothered by it. Sometimes it bothers the parent more than the child. If my little brother ever came home and told me somebody had called him a name, I'd go absolutely crazy at the school if they did nothing, whereas I'm pretty sure he'd be a bit calmer about it lol. The thing is that I do know about children, is that, everyday really is a new day for them. And if she's got you for a mum then she's gonna be fine

 

[sarah_george]

Bless ya xx

 

[helen1234]

speak to the school dont let rson, it escalate hun, ring them let them, be aware and to look out for it if no joy go to the school in person,
most schools are very good at dealing with this stuff and do it all the time.
rosie got bullied i left it be for a while but then she got death threats by text and i wish i'd acted sooner because it was nipped in the bud within a few days.


xx

 

[brownhairedmom]

Ugh I dealt with this in school but I was a LOT older than 10. In jr high its common place to drop friends one day, get new best friends, then the next week go back with your old friends.

The other girl is obviously on a power trip and is getting a lot of attention for this. People do this to get attention. I would talk to the school, not her mother because her mother is just going to go 'well what am I supposed to do, they're kids". However, I think that this kind of bullying will get old after a while. The people who are looking up the bully will come around in a few weeks and realize its not very nice and start turning on her. She is eventually going to lose all of her friends.

Girls are catty, I will warn you. They bully, but its very rarely bullying physically or "give me your lunch money", its always emotional bullying and thats worse in my opinion. They do a divide and conquer thing there they break up friends and try to win people over to their sides.

 

[jenny873]

id approach the school, there quite strict on bullying these days rnt they. id be tempted to approach the mother and try and be adult but i think if i got the 'what am i supposed to do' reply, id end up telling her that whatever her daughter done to mine id do to her, and that would just be stupid because i suppose kids are kids, its just not nice when its yours on the recieving end. chances are the other child doesnt even understand what shes doing, have a word with the school first thing monday and hopefully it will be delt with straight away x

 

[MrsO29]

Really sorry to hear this is happening to your daughter.
Mine only starts school in a few weeks and I am terrified of this kind of thing happening to her.
I was VERY shy at primary school (age 4-11), and so didn't really have any friends, and it has kind of effected me even to this day. I am always insecure meeting new people and just don't want my dd to go through any of this.
I am trying to raise her to be outgoing and confident, but thats easier said than done, and also I don't want her to go the other way and become the bully.
I think at age 10 I would perhaps contact the school, but it's so hard to know if it's the right thing to do, or if you are better off letting her deal with it herself.
If there is no chance of reconciliation with this (horrible sounding) little girl, then you just have to encourage her to find another group, and hopefully she finds people who are not scared of the bully.
Age 10, thats just so young to be starting all of this crap isn't it.
Bless her xxx

 

[JASMAK]

My son gets bullied at times too and he is just six. I actually borrowed a book from the library on how to deal with it. I am basically trying to teach him to stick up for himself, and say things in a strong tone of voice and with confidence. Not an easy thing to teach a six year old! But, I often do it with toys in certain situations. I agree, approaching the school. They should have an anti-bullying policy and I also think scheduling a "meeting" with the school, and the other parent's is a good idea...so that everyone is aware. Isn't it crazy how mean kids are?! I was bullied a bit too, well, OK, it was alot. So, I will be dam*ed if I let it happen to my kids!

 

[purpledahlia]

In my personal experience of girls getting into bitchy arguments at school, and also from seeing somethings my sister and her friends have been through, i would strongly advise NOT to approach the mother.
You will probably not be met with the what should i do attitude, but more the how dare you insult me my child or my parenting skills attitude. She would take it personally and she would probably say something hurtfull to you about your child.
I would talk to her teacher at school, headmistress or year leader. They can monitor it from inside the school and if they see this other girl acting... they can contact the parent as an eye witness of bullying going on. That way the mother will probably be more obliged to help and be more sympathetic.
But also as the others have said make sure your daughter can come to you and tell you whats going on, if she bottles it up it will only cause more damage. Teach her to stick up for herself, but not too much and not vilently, teach her how to be classy about it, one word answers and walking away. etc, She will feel proud of herself if she learns to stand up to them without being confrontational.
Hope it gets sorted out soon.

 

[NuKe]

personally, I would approach the parents first. It shames me to say this, but when I was about 6/7 I started bullying my best friend. After a while, she obviously told her parents who came up and told my parents. It was sorted out there and then, and I never bullied her again. Parents can strike the fear of god into their kids' hearts! If this doesn't work or the parents are in denial, hit the school!

 

[hypnorm]

Really sorry to hear this is happening to your daughter.
Mine only starts school in a few weeks and I am terrified of this kind of thing happening to her.
I was VERY shy at primary school (age 4-11), and so didn't really have any friends, and it has kind of effected me even to this day. I am always insecure meeting new people and just don't want my dd to go through any of this.
I am trying to raise her to be outgoing and confident, but thats easier said than done, and also I don't want her to go the other way and become the bully.
I think at age 10 I would perhaps contact the school, but it's so hard to know if it's the right thing to do, or if you are better off letting her deal with it herself.
If there is no chance of reconciliation with this (horrible sounding) little girl, then you just have to encourage her to find another group, and hopefully she finds people who are not scared of the bully.
Age 10, thats just so young to be starting all of this crap isn't it.
Bless her xxx

that sound so much like me! i was very shy at infants/primary i didnt have very many friends and when we had to pair up for PE or anything i was always the one left one my own and ended up with the teacher.
I want my kid to be confident and aout going not like i was are still am.
bullying has made me very unconfindent, and nervous.
i hope they never have to go through it.

I would speak to the school, i certainly wouldnt confront the parents it could make things worse at least the school can keep an eye on things.