C- Section Disappointment

[mysteriouseye]

Anyone else suffer this? I was absolutely desperate to have a water birth it was one thing I was planning to have all the way through my pregnancy. Until I got to about 35 weeks and the midwife said my baby was breech. I tried everything I could to turn her around but got to 38 weeks and ended up going into labor whilst she was still breech. I cried and felt so angry with myself that I had to have a C-section! My friend who gave birth naturally uses it against me all the time. How I ‘got the easy way out’ and didn’t go through any pain and making me feel like I am less of a mother because I didn’t go through the pain of giving birth to her. Even 7 months after I am still angry and upset with myself. She says she is ‘just kidding’ but it really does get to me!

 

[LDC]

Anyone else suffer this? I was absolutely desperate to have a water birth it was one thing I was planning to have all the way through my pregnancy. Until I got to about 35 weeks and the midwife said my baby was breech. I tried everything I could to turn her around but got to 38 weeks and ended up going into labor whilst she was still breech. I cried and felt so angry with myself that I had to have a C-section! My friend who gave birth naturally uses it against me all the time. How I ‘got the easy way out’ and didn’t go through any pain and making me feel like I am less of a mother because I didn’t go through the pain of giving birth to her. Even 7 months after I am still angry and upset with myself. She says she is ‘just kidding’ but it really does get to me!

I'd tell your friend to f*** off! A section is major surgery and definitely not the easy way out, as you know!

I had to have a section due to non progressive labour; my waters were broken artificially and I went from 8cm down to 6cm after a three day labour they took me for my section.

The thing I feel sad about is I didn't get immediate skin to skin and I don't think the experience was as emotional as I'd hoped... I was imagining baby coming out...placed right on me...oh having a little happy tear. Instead LO was shown to me before being taken with oh to get checked, brought back being held by oh and I got a hold 30 mins later when I was back on the ward.

Tbh at the time this didnt phase me, it was after I had chance to think about it.

LO was also big (10lb 1oz) and back to back, like you I'd tried everything to move her, and the surgeon said I'd have never got her out. That then made me think about the state my body would have been in if I had gone natural...I'd ave been cut to shreds and baby more than likely would have become distressed, so for all the things I'd hoped but didn't get, now I don't mind as LO got here safe and sound and I still carried her healthily for 9 months to prepare her for her entrance to the world

 

[babylou]

Please don't be angry with yourself. I had a natural birth with dd1 and yes it hurt and lasted for a very long 20 hours after being induced. Dd1 was placed skin to skin immediately. However, I had stitches and was very sore for a week afterwards. However with dd2 I had an elective c section due to her being an unstable lie. I was terrified of it being done but it wasn't as bad as I thought. The emotional side is definitely there in the same way as is the relief when it's all over. I didn't feel robbed of anything. Lo was checked and brought to me in theatre and dh got to stay until we were content. OK i didn't get skin to skin but i still shed a tear of joy when i heard her. The worst part for me is the dealing with the c section recovery. I never knew how bad I would feel. And it's nearly two weeks since I had dd2!

Given the choice I'd chose a natural birth, not because of the emotional side of it, but because the recovery is so much faster ( in my case anyway, I accept that some women have tough natural deliveries that take weeks to recover from. ) Put it this way there is no easy way of giving birth. Both ways hurt just at different times, and the love you give to your lo is still the same....

Take care and tell your friend to shut up, she doesn't know what a c section is like so who is she to judge!
Xxx

 

[MrsHippo]

I can't believe your friend said that!! I'd also tell her to f'off!! I had an emergency section as my little bean was breech. We didn't find out until I had been in labour for about 13 hours or so. The option of trying to turn her was out the window as she became distressed.

I was given the option of trying to deliver breech but was told about the risks involved. I was in tears, so upset. I wanted a water birth too so a section didn't even cross my mind. We knew it was best for our daughter and it probably would have been rather traumatic for me to give birth naturally. Turned out that she had a rather large head lol so the midwife did tell me I had chose the right thing.

Even though I was in pieces before and after, I am happy my little girl was brought in to the world safely. I have been in loads of pain, even now it still hurts!! But when I look at her I know the pain was worth it.

Don't ever feel as though you are less a mother than you would be if you had a natural birth. You brought a georgous little girl in to this world and you should be so proud of yourself for doing it. No matter how she was delivered!! Xx

 

[jayne191284]

A c section is most definitely NOT the easy way out and it makes me so cross to hear people saying that. It's major surgery and recovery is hard and long!

My first section was due to a failed induction due to diabetes. I failed to dilate so they had no other way to get him out.

My second section was planned due to diabetes, a large baby and the fact they don't like to induce after a previous section. As it was baby was stuck in the transverse position so it would have ended in a section even if I didn't have diabetes

After my first section I felt slight disappointment as I had planned a natural birth with no pain relief. But now, after having my second section I am really happy how things turned out x

 

[misspriss]

I also experienced disappointment that I had to have a c-section.

I planned an all natural homebirth, perhaps water birth. Free of pain medications in the comfort of my own home.

Due to sudden onset of pre-eclampisa, I was induced, failed to progress after 36 hours of induced labor with no pain meds, then was taken for C-section.

I felt tons of disappointment for not being able to carry my child to full term. I didn't even get to see my baby til more than a day after he was born. My husband and sister got to see him before I did.

 

[tristansmum]

Firstly I think its normal to feel disappointed if your birth didn't go to plan. We spend 9 months thinking about the perfect birth you see on tv and if you don't get that it can be hard to cope with. I had emcs after failed forceps delivery. I felt I had failed and I had been robbed of by birth experience. Took me months to not feel envious of my friends. I watched so many birth videos and one born every minute and obsessed over why I didn't get a vaginal birth. But for me eventually I 'got over it' and have moved one. Planning a vbac for this time. I think as you are 7 months on and struggling that perhaps you should chat to someone. Many hospitals have an after thoughts service. A mw can go through your notes with you and chat about what happened. Might be worth looking into?
Secondly you did not fail even if you feel like you did. These things are out of our control. I've not even written a birth plan this time because you can not plan it. No one can.
Thirdly i would cut out that 'friend' of yours! Not one of my friends made me feel bad for having a section. If anything they think I had a harder time than them! It doesnt't matter if she is joking its not right. Any women who has given birth (whatever that birth was) should surly see that growing a life for 9 months and then raising that child is the acheivement.... Not how they entered the world.

 

[pinkribbon]

I'd be so pissed off if someone told me I'd had the 'easy' option.

Coming from someone who's had a vaginal birth and a cesarean birth, sections are NOT the easy option!

I, like you wanted a water birth and i'm still upset and annoyed about it 6 months on although telling myself it was for mine and baby's safety (placenta previa) settles my mind a bit. I think it will be always something that niggles tbh so no advice really, just that I feel the same.

 

[jtink28]

i have to have a c-section for medical reasons (i have other health issues). it's my first baby. at first i was a little sad, knowing i wouldn't go the "normal" route.

i have an old friend back home who's been longing for a baby for years. she and her husband have had 4 miscarriages, and the fertility specialist is at a loss. they can't afford IVF. they're not sure what to do. i, on the other hand, got pregnant easily. when i thought of my friend, who can't have a baby, i thought, why am i sad about HOW my baby gets here? i get to have a child. and she doesn't. i am blessed and thrilled that i just get to have a baby, and sadness has no place in my thoughts.

your friend is cruel for making you feel "less than" for having a section. she needs to know that her words hurt. not okay.

 

[Dream.dream]

I'd be mad if someone said that to me. However I don't know if this helps but for if you ever have more children's you can actually birth a breech baby and its safe , the only reason they push c sections for breech babies is liability for them. With a trained birth attendant breech birth is safe option .

 

[Nat0609]

I had an emergency section with DD due to brow presentation. I was disappointed as I laboured naturally to 8 cm.

I had a sucessful VBAC with DS and it was great. Anyone who thinks section is easier than natural birth has clearly not experienced both! I have and I know what I'd chose everytime!

Hoping for a the mother of all VBACs this time, home birth VBAC! FX

 

[amjon]

It's really looking like I'm going to have to have a section this time. My first they induced me for a frank breech delivery. It was WAY easier than I ever expected. I had no idea I was even in labor and had no tears or anything. I'm really not looking forward to being cut open from side to side (and not being awake for their birth). I would certainly not call it the easy way out, maybe during, but the recovery afterwards I'm sure it not going to be fun. I would call vaginal the easy way out as in a way I kind of enjoyed it, though it was uncomfortable.

 

[greenbeans12]

First off, you can't blame yourself or feel like you're any less of a mother. Had you of delivered your baby breech there would of been complications and your LO's shoulders would of most likely been broken on the way out and her neck may of been stretched and injured.

You did what you had to do for your LO's safety and that is what makes a good Mother!

 

[torsie93]

I have known from the start of my pregnancy that I was going to have to have a c section because of previous surgeries I had to have that would affect the birth canal. But I was still very sad to hear the doctor actually say it to me at the last appointment I had. I would have liked to do it naturally, but now I've decided that as long as my little girl comes into the world safely, I don't really mind how it happens

 

[ttcnewbie123]

I too have had people say that a c section is the easy way out! I do remind them that I could barely stand up for days/couldn't hold my baby etc etc but they have no idea! I am pregnant again and so hoping for a natural birth this time for many reasons, but mostly so I can I have experienced both and Im pretty sure a natural birth is going to be preferable!x