Can I face tomorrow?

[Mrs_W_]

Hi ladies

I am feeling incredibly sorry for myself this evening and I really need someone to snap me out of it

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 4 years, it's been a very long time, a heart breaking journey, it's been like climbing a mountain with no supports, right now I feel like I am never going to reach the top of the mountain.

Every morning I wake up and wonder if I can face the day and this evening I'm wondering if I'm even going to wake up. Sometimes I feel like not facing the world will be so much easier. I won't have to face pregnancy announcements, births, christenings, I won't be asked when it's going to be my turn or why I don't have my own children. Life will be so simple if I could hide away and switch off my feelings.

I've only just been referred to a fertility clinic and I don't know when I'll get an appointment, I have a horrible feeling it's going to be a while. I'm going to be waiting even longer. This waiting is painful!

I wonder what I done in a past life to deserve this

 

[donna noble]

((hugs)). Maybe just try and let go for awhile? Sometimes the stress of ttc itself hampers your efforts! Have you tried any sort of supplements like coq10 or maca? I know right now you are in a painful journey but please keep with us. My inbox is open if you ever need to talk

 

[Mrs_W_]

Thanks Donna.

I take so many supplements I'm surprised I'm not rattling!

I have tried so many times to switch off and take time away from the whole process but as much as I try it niggles it's way back in to my head. We're not actively trying right now as I don't have periods or ovulate so I feel like "why?" and my sex drive has taken on an all time low but even when I feel up for it I get so upset and worked up wondering it a little miracle will happen!

I've been having reflexology and reiki to help de-stress and relax and to some extent it is working, I even fell asleep during yesterdays sessions but within a few days I'm back to square one.

I just want all of these horrible feelings to go away. I just want to be a happy healthy mummy

x

 

[ZekeyMylo2010]

You need to try and let go or find something to take ur mind of things I'm not far behind you over 3 years so you are not alone, and I've just had to deal with my younger brother becoming a dad for the first time last week. I have unexplained infertility.. I've really tried to focus on positive things in my life and trying not to stress because like the member said it really doesn't help! Just focus on your fertility appointment. Your in a better position than me I've been told to continue as I am or ivf even though there isn't anything wrong with us!! I've booked a private 3d ultra sound test and a thorough sperm test for the other half so I'm hoping that they can help as I don't get any help from nhs because my partner has kids life is cruel but fingers crossed one day we will get there good luck!! If you ever need a chat jus holla because its nicer to talk to someone who knows what you are going through all the best Hayley x

 

[PinkPeony]

Hey hun. I know how you're feeling. I'm supposed to see some friends later but I know they said a while ago they were going to start trying in October and I'm afraid they're going to tell us they're preg already. I am incapable of having a positive reaction to them bc they've been totally insensitive about my fertility problems so I don't know what I'm going to do if they say that. So ya... I can't switch those feelings off either. Lately I'm thinking about seeing a therapist or something - maybe that would help you if you could talk to someone about how your feeling? It's hard to manage on your own.

 

[uwa_amanda]

I know how you feel. My husband and I were trying for six years before we made the difficult decision to stop trying. I'm not sure if or when we are going to start trying again, but I do know how you feel.

I went through the emotional roller coaster that LTTTC brings. I know the anger, the sadness, the desperation, and the hopefulness. My advice to you is to cry it out whenever you have days like these. I found that to be helpful, because I felt my body cleansing itself of the down and negative thoughts. My husband was definitely very supportive when I had days like you are having. to you! I hope you get to feeling better!

 

[jessandaj]

I often wonder what in the hell ive done to be put threw so much hell in my life but then i just try and think of the blessings i have had. Try and write the bad things that have happend to you in life then the good on the other side and see which has more. Seeing everyone get pregnant and have babys and most not even wanting it is one of the hardest things ive been threw and well ive been threw some crap so thats saying alot to what it does to us who have to face it, were reminded everyday...how can we not be kids and babys and pregnant women and things for kids and pregnant women is all we seem to see. Even when were at a place that we shouldint see anybody with a baby or pregnant well BAM there they are. I try and walk with my head down just to avoid it because i cant stand it. Hope you get a bfp and some answers soon.

 

[Faith34]

Hi, just read ur post and can't believe how much I feel ur pain,have u got an ap for fertility dr? I finally got referred in jan and got diagnosed with blocked tubes,in march I had a lap and 10 weeks later I got my bfp!! I sadly mc but I'm much more confident that it will happen again. Please don't give up hope, I'm not !!!! X x