can I go it alone?

[Ashleigh21]

Hi everyone I posted this on another forum last night before I realised there was single parents section here...here goes...

Hey ladies. Really needing someone to talk to atm and a bit of help and advice.

Such a long winded story but Oh and I have had a lot of problems in the past 5 months since lo was born. My whole world has changed which I love and eveything I do revolves around my son. However oh hasn't changed 1 bit. He's constantly out partying or doing things for himself like going to the gym rather than spending time with us. I've confronted him about it many times before and he says he'll change but never does. His excuse is that he works 6 days a week and I wouldn't understand because I don't work(I look after his son 24/7) he doesn't lift a finger at home either.

Basically tonight we had a huge argument about it all. I've given him chance after chance to change and prove he can be a responsible dad but he keeps letting us down. Long story short he walked out and is now in the pub (again) and hes now ignoring my calls after answering and saying he doesn't love me anymore. we live in a rented house which he's asked me to move out of. He pays the rent and I pay the bills. I've now got to cancel all my bill payments and find lo and I a new home. I'm just not sure how I'm going to cope on my own. I'm alone most of the time anyway but knowing that nobody is going to walk through the door at some point that night is getting me anxious. I suffered slightly from anxiety in the early days after lo was born so I'm worried it'll all come back when I'm on my own.

I just reallydon't know what to do. I'm pretty sure he means what he says and it's over!

 

[Livebythesea]

I'm very sorry for all you're going through. My husband and I were in the process of splitting up, again, when I conceived our first child. We went to my therapist and he said he's in a loveless, likeless marriage - wow he doesn't even like me...he was angry about the baby, even though we tried for eighy years to make it happen. Anyway he is an alcoholic and smokes pot every day. He's been this way since we first met TWELVE years ago. I kept thinking I could change him and he would pick up my phone calls and stop staying out so late and getting drunk every week etc.

You can't change him...he has to do it himself. If he wants time alone then give it to him...you and I DESERVE better and so do our babies. I'm not sure how old he is...my OH is 42 - good lord I am still trying to learn that he will never stop drinking etc unless he wants to.

Good luck and please know you're not alone.

 

[Ashleigh21]

Thanks so much for the advice. I think that's the problem, I'm trying to change him when he doesn't think he needs to. We've argued about it for so long that I don't think it's possible anymore. I know we can be strong for our babies as they are all that matter when it comes down to it!

 

[Livebythesea]

I've been told I'm codependent. I'm reading Codepedent No More...I just started it but it sounds like there are people out there like you and I who will try anything to make things works, and put ourselves last...no matter how unhealthy the situation. We need to be more selfish like they are so we put our interests and feelings first, because they are never going to...much easier said than done of course.. I guess that's the codependency part. There are other people who wouldn't put up with all of this painful, horrible stuff...just my thoughts hugs from someone who understands