Can't believe she said that...

[cat81]

My sister in law is due to give birth next week. Today I went round to see my mum and she was looking up natural ways of inducing labour as SIL has apparently had enough of being pregnant and wants baby out.

I said that, as she still had another week to go before due date and it is first baby which are often late, it seemed a bit early to be trying to get it out already. I suggested that it would be better to wait until the baby was ready to come out rather than trying some of these methods, including drinking caster oil.

My mum said to me "Well it was alright for you. You never had to do the uncomfortable bit at the end. You don't know what it's like"

Ok. So no, I don't know what it is like but I can bet that is is not half as bad as having your pregnancy end far too early, before you or your baby are ready, having your newborn baby taken from you at birth and put in an incubator and then spending weeks in the NNU before you can finally bring him home.

Maybe I am overreacting but I thought that, of all people, my mum would have been a bit more sensitive. It was as if she really thought that I was lucky that I didn't have to carry my baby to term. Is it unfair of me to struggle to be sympathetic towards people who are in this position when I would have given anything to have got to 39 weeks?

 

[proudmumgoth]

How rude its not easy what ever way you go I had one full turm and last week a premi and to be honest with you I would go over past my due date anyday than have my daughter taken from me again I can tell you that

 

[cat81]

That's the way I see it. I appreciate that it can't be easy when you get towards full term but I am sure any premmie mums would have happily endured any amount of discomfort to keep baby in a bit longer.

I hope your baby is doing well and that you get LO home soon. x

 

[kelly6407]

Omg how rude. Castor oil can be dangerous so I don't understand why people keep trying it.
I don't understand people moaning about being pregnant, the baby will come when it's ready, she's the one who got pregnant so she should deal with it.

Being uncomfortable is far more the easier option than wot we went through. I would happily have chosen to be fat and uncomfy for a few weeks than getting my baby took from me and being terrified that she wouldn't make it.

I get jealous of pregnant ladies, I wouldve loved to have had a bump

 

[lozzy21]

I got the crap end of both worlds then, i was uncomfortable and huge with a preemie

 

[Babydance]

Ive never experienced a preemie so i cant really comment but i have to say.. my comfort over my babys health?? im pretty sure i know what i'd choose! So i dont blame you for being upset over your Mums comments!! xxxxxxx

 

[Foogirl]

My response to that sort of thing when it was said to me (and it was - plenty) was "yeah...yeah....I suppose the six weeks of traipsing back and forth to the hospital, having to leave my baby, not knowing if she would survive until I came back, was a much better situation to be in than to be heavily pregnant"

People soon got the message.

I do understand people feeling uncomfortable in pregnancy and having the "I just want it to be over" thoughts. I daresay I would have been the same. I don't mind people complaining about it either - why shouldn't they? But don't dare say my situation was better, or I was luckier for not having to go through it.

I don't know what your relationship with your mum is like, but if my mum had said that I would have gently explained to her why it was a wholly inappropriate thing to say. Both my mum and sister have said a few things without thinking and it did get to me at first. But I decided I needed to approach it head on and explain to them, so they understood a bit more and were less likely to mis-speak again. I think if I hadn't have done that I would have seethed and ended up falling out with them.

 

[ermm23a]

Oh gosh.... I am just waiting for the day someone says that to my face. I will go off. I would gladly have endured the misery that comes with being full term. Hell- I'd have loved to even gotten to 37 weeks pregnant!!! Having a preemie, not knowing if he will be able to breathe on his own or not, not knowing when he can leave the hospital, not even being able to hold my baby until he was 3 days old.... Yeah... I think I'd have been fine being uncomfortable at the end if it meant i didn't have to endure the preemie trials.

 

[young_n_proud]

I carried to full term and even I feel offended for you. I was huge and week late and I did have that feeling of can't wait to just get it out, especially being only 5 foot and pretty much all belly but I wouldn't give it up for the world. I am sorry for anyone that has to go through that fear for their child.

 

[vermeil]

wow. That is indeed insensitive and just plain mean. I would have given ANYTHING to reach oh 30 weeks, let alone full term - sold my right kidney, robbed a bank, no really anything to avoid the nasty complications my baby went through. baaaaaaah. When I was in a baby store while bubbah was still in critical condition in the hospital, I saw a woman get really upset because... she couldn't get the baby furniture in the color she wanted. That and the sight of all the big bellies, I got SOOOO angry, it seemed so surreal to me I felt light-headed had to leave the store. I just couldn't deal with seeing people get worked up about ridiculous stuff like that. Bah I'll stop now before I start REALLY ranting

Sorry I hope you work it out with them

 

[cat81]

Thanks for the support everyone. I am glad you don't think that I am being over-sensitive.

I wouldn't have minded if it was SIL just having a moan about being uncomfortable. I can sympathise with that (even though I haven't been there) and she has every right to complain if she wants to.

The reason I got upset was firstly that it was my mum who said it (I would have expected her to know better) and secondly that the comment was directed at me and implied that what I went through was easy compared to having to carry a baby to term!

I actually have a really good relationship with my mum and she would probably be really upset if she knew that her comment had hurt me so much. At the time, I did snap something sarcastic back but then I just let it go because I didn't want to get into an argument about it.

I think maybe because my baby is now a year old and is, thankfully, thriving, people forget what we went through at the start and maybe don't realise that, for me, it is still a bit of a sensitive topic and many of my feelings about it are still quite raw.

I love bnb because it is the one place where I know I will find people who really understand how I feel. x

 

[Foogirl]

I think maybe because my baby is now a year old and is, thankfully, thriving, people forget what we went through at the start and maybe don't realise that, for me, it is still a bit of a sensitive topic and many of my feelings about it are still quite raw.

I love bnb because it is the one place where I know I will find people who really understand how I feel. x

This I think is the main problem. People forget very quickly and think "ach it's over now" when really, it's still very raw. I would suggest gently letting your mum know it bothered you, might let her realise she still needs to treat a little carefully.

I just looked on the Bliss website to see if there was a support group near you, but there seems not to be. Maybe you could start one!

 

[AP]

I've been on both sides of the scale, I'm sorry but I was in the most shittiest pain ever in the end with Tori but I would have took it 100 times over another neonatal journey. People were saying "try this, try that" to me at 34 weeks and I'm like WTF have some respect!!!

The castor oil thing - I will never, ever understand. Ever.

It's fine that you are upset about it - it's only natural hun. Those neonatal days are still so raw it keeps me awake some nights. I'm only hoping time will help but 2 years on I still often get angry and upset at any comments - there's no reason for any expectant mother to be so selfish and inconsiderate,and no reason why your mother was so blatantly disrespectful.

 

[25weeker]

sorry your mum upset you.

I have found family are worst for saying inconsiderate things. If only it was as easy as people think to 'get over it'. Unfortunately it is something we will carry around for a very long time.

 

[cat81]

I just looked on the Bliss website to see if there was a support group near you, but there seems not to be. Maybe you could start one!

I will look into that, thanks. x

 

[Wantabean]

thats ridiculous!! i carried to term but still had to go through the neonatal experience. i felt really really really guilty for wishing him out me. i got 'well at least you didnt have to push' i would have given my right arm to just have been awake during my section nevermind getting the privalage to give birth to my son. im sorry your mum upset you, you def were not being oversensitive!! xxx

 

[TinkerJess]

I get this all the time, in fact my Health Vistor came to visit the house to see Isaac whilst Noah was still in NICU seriously poorly. She said it was lovely that Isaac would be in a set routine and that I was lucky that I didn't have two of them at home keeping me up at night. This was a time I was lying awake all night with anxiety, juggling a toddler, a premmie newborn at home and a very poorly premmie at hospital.

I must admit I don't think she meant anything by it, but it hurt just the same. Maybe its a good idea to sit your mum down and tell her how comments like that make you feel, I know alot of the people around us at the time couldn't really relate to us because they hadn't been through that experience.

Big