Can't stop torturing myself

[ickle pand]

Am I the only one who can't stop torturing myself by looking up how big my baby would be and how developed it would be if I was still pregnant? It just makes me feel sad that our poor little baby never got anywhere close to being that big, but I can't stop myself from doing it from time to time.

Hopefully I'll stop when we get our next BFP or after what would've been our due date, whichever comes sooner.

 

[SAJ]

aww I'm sorry you're in this situation

I find myself still keeping note of names I like, buying stuff (though not much) for a baby, etc. I justify it to myself because it will all be needed eventually. It's hard because there are a few people around me that are pregnant, two of them are due right around when I was due

I hope this feeling passes for you. I'm sure everything will be better when you get another BFP!

 

[Tweak0605]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation

I still constantly think about how big both my babies would be. I would be around 28 weeks right now with my first pregnancy, and around 9 weeks with my second. I kept thinking about how I would have this cute bump and feeling the baby move around with the first one.

I still always go walking through the baby aisles, and I've even bought a few clothes that were on clearance. I can't pass up good deals, and they will be needed, hopefully soon.

 

[ickle pand]

Thank you both. I've been looking at baby stuff and thinking of names since we started TTC over 3 years ago so that's not any different but I haven't been able to bring myself to actually buy anything for a baby. I'd have a whole nursery set up by now if I had lol!

 

[Clarehc]

It's so difficult I avoid thinking about anything related to my pregnancy at all as I can't stand it. I'm not sure it's healthy either but it's my way of coping. I suspect being on this board is probably a bad idea too, tbh, it's just making me think.

I'm trying to focus on being really positive and healthy (dieting, taking vitamins etc) for the next time. We're thinking of emigrating again too so that is a really good distractions.

Clare

 

[leylak]

It has been 5 months since my loss and although I check my ticker every now and then, it doesn't hurt much anymore. I would have a big bump, I would be 30 weeks along...
But my baby wasn't viable, I don't want to think about how it would be like if he was alive. After a loss, people say I don't want another baby, I want my baby back . But I don't want that baby, I want another baby, a healthier baby. I don't know if I am insane but I gave up on my lost baby. I love him so much, everyday. But I don't want him back... Maybe that is why I laid all my thoughts and hopes on another BFP.
Hugs to those who lost their babies. I hope you all get your BFPs well before your would-be due dates.

 

[ickle pand]

No that makes sense Leylak. For some reason there was something wrong with that pregnancy and our bodies knew it and dealt with it. I suppose I'm grieving that either that baby wasn't strong enough to survive or that my body wasn't able to hold on to it.

 

[futurephotos]

My early mc was only a couple of months ago and I still think constantly about where I'd be right now with that pg. We waited 1 cycle as the Dr. recommended and I'm pg again now - BUT now that I've reached a few days past 5 wks I'm spotting - just like the last time, so I'm worried that this one won't stick with us either. It seems there is just something about getting to 35 days, then things go wrong for me. I'm wondering why my body can't hang on to the pregnancy.

 

[kiki04]

I did that today

 

[korink26]

Every week I think about how many weeks I should be. It doesn't help when I see pregnant ladies everywhere, and then I wonder if that's how much I'd be showing already.