child maintenance with minimal information

[SophiasMummy]

I'm looking into getting child maintenance from FOB after over 3 years of him contributing nothing and refusing to talk to me when I ask for money, he hasn't seen LO in 2 years now either.

We're in the middle of being evicted and could honestly do with the extra money for LO as I'm finding it hard to find a new affordable place as it is so the extra money could help even a little

So I figure its time to give him a kick up the backside and get him to help financially. unfortunately the only info I have is his phone number, name and date of birth, will child maintenance of whatever they call themselves now still be able to help??

 

[Meezerowner]

I think so. It might take longer to track him down and get payments sorted.
I bet they'd like an address though. Although if you have an active phone number that's a start.

When I applied to CMS they were blown away cos I had all his info like Nat Ins number etc so I guess I was unusual really. I reckon they are more used to working from minimal info... particularly when FOBs are *trying* to disappear deliberately avoiding payments.

Even with information it takes a long time for them to sort things out though so fair warning! I applied in November and still haven't received any payments.

 

[SophiasMummy]

I think so. It might take longer to track him down and get payments sorted.
I bet they'd like an address though. Although if you have an active phone number that's a start.

When I applied to CMS they were blown away cos I had all his info like Nat Ins number etc so I guess I was unusual really. I reckon they are more used to working from minimal info... particularly when FOBs are *trying* to disappear deliberately avoiding payments.

Even with information it takes a long time for them to sort things out though so fair warning! I applied in November and still haven't received any payments.

thanks that's ok then I will get in touch with them and see what they can do, there's no way I can get his address. I originally said to him if he saw LO on a regular basis then I wouldn't ask him for money but I've given him enough chances now, I even went up to the town he lived in during the summer last year which is about 45 minutes from me and told him he could come see her at the water lay park we were going to but he said he was busy and I spent the first year and half of her life texting him every week to come and see her and he didn't, so it's not like I haven't given him enough chances now. it just makes me sad

 

[Meezerowner]

thanks that's ok then I will get in touch with them and see what they can do, there's no way I can get his address. I originally said to him if he saw LO on a regular basis then I wouldn't ask him for money but I've given him enough chances now, I even went up to the town he lived in during the summer last year which is about 45 minutes from me and told him he could come see her at the water lay park we were going to but he said he was busy and I spent the first year and half of her life texting him every week to come and see her and he didn't, so it's not like I haven't given him enough chances now. it just makes me sad

I think a lot of us have made the mistake of not asking for money straight away but these men just seem to take it as a freebie.

I mistakenly didn't apply until mine were 1yo as I didn't want to *piss* him off (I thought he would make more trouble for me with other things we were negotiating like house sale etc). I feel stupid now and wish I had done it sooner. But in his defence he was still putting some money in the joint acc at that time and I didn't want to seem ungrateful but I have since found out that it was nowhere near what he should have been paying (plus I was covering the whole mortgage which is half his responsibilty too). Anyway live and learn!

I would defo apply asap cos it's only back dated from when you apply and even if you didn't need it for living costs you can always use the extra money and put it in an account for LO.

These FOBs really should learn to contribute for their children's upkeep. It's not fair that you have given him loads of chances to be involved and he can't even be bothered.

The CMS will ask loads of questions so anything you can give them will be helpful. Like if you know where he works or if he's on benefits etc.

 

[sue_88]

Definitely enough info you've got there.

I gave CMS name & DOB, and they found him no problem.
Best of luck with your case. I closed my case as he was threatening me and I got frightened but they told me I can re-open at any time and at least now they'd have his important details on file.

 

[Dezireey]

I am in the middle of CSA trying to get money off my ex, its a battle but worth it. He emotionally blackmailed me for a year, it was pretty much 'we are friends and I miss you' when I didnt ask him for anything and then ' I am going to ignore you and dig my heels in and ignore CSA' whenever I contacted them. This went on about three times before I realised his game and told him where to shove it. I know to this day that my FOB basically feels put out because he really, truly believes that I got what I wanted, the woman should be responsible if the man had no choice etc.

I think that is honestly where a lot of these men are coming from ' well, I didnt want to be a father, its unfair, so I am not helping out or paying a penny'.

Its a sad representation of the ethics, honour and integrity of men in todays society. I mean there is not much you can equate it with, but they wouldn't work all week and not get paid a penny by their employer wohld they? so why does the employer have the gall to think they would work for free when they have commitments and bills to pay? They would just walk out the door. Its all about responsibilty and doing the right thing. They duped us into believing they loved us and would support us no matter what, we didnt tie them down onto a bloody chair and force feed them viagra and rape them, so what gives?

I tell you what, I am bringing up my son to be an honest,good man, if he hurts a woman and leaves her pregnant and alone, i'll friggin disown him. Maybe the mothers and fathers of these deadbeat FOB's should cough up the money for their grandkids instead if their son doesnt pay......I bet he will send you money then, sharpish! LoL

Hugs xx

 

[Meezerowner]

I am in the middle of CSA trying to get money off my ex, its a battle but worth it. He emotionally blackmailed me for a year, it was pretty much 'we are friends and I miss you' when I didnt ask him for anything and then ' I am going to ignore you and dig my heels in and ignore CSA' whenever I contacted them. This went on about three times before I realised his game and told him where to shove it. I know to this day that my FOB basically feels put out because he really, truly believes that I got what I wanted, the woman should be responsible if the man had no choice etc.

I think that is honestly where a lot of these men are coming from ' well, I didnt want to be a father, its unfair, so I am not helping out or paying a penny'.

Its a sad representation of the ethics, honour and integrity of men in todays society. I mean there is not much you can equate it with, but they wouldn't work all week and not get paid a penny by their employer wohld they? so why does the employer have the gall to think they would work for free when they have commitments and bills to pay? They would just walk out the door. Its all about responsibilty and doing the right thing. They duped us into believing they loved us and would support us no matter what, we didnt tie them down onto a bloody chair and force feed them viagra and rape them, so what gives?

I tell you what, I am bringing up my son to be an honest,good man, if he hurts a woman and leaves her pregnant and alone, i'll friggin disown him. Maybe the mothers and fathers of these deadbeat FOB's should cough up the money for their grandkids instead if their son doesnt pay......I bet he will send you money then, sharpish! LoL

Hugs xx

Good rant.

You have brought up an interesting point about the parents/family of FOBs and I have been meaning to make a post about this. Cos it's a dilemma I am struggling with atm. I might make the post seperately though so as not to poach this thread and change topic!

 

[Dezireey]

I am always having a rant LOL!

Yep, you should start a thread on this hun, its an interesting take on things, would like to know about what the parents of these FOBs are doing or how involved / not involved they are etc.