Christmas Contact Arrangements

[Ruby2013]

Hi all just after some advice.
My little boy is 3, me and his dad split up before he was born, in the first year of my sons life contact was arranged through solicitors and me and FOB went to mediation, he had regular contact twice a week. He doesn't pay maintainance.
Anyway this year FOB has seen LO 4x since last Christmas Eve (2012)! He has another baby now. He even missed his birthday in August and didn't get him a present card or anything , I invited him to LOs birthday party and he came up with an excuse that he couldn't make it. He occasionally texts every once in a blue moon asking to see LO but then cancels or try's to rearrange and then cancels again. Ive quit chasing him, of course i want the best for LO but always felt like i tried but never got anywere. The last time he saw him (supervised) was in September!
Anyway this morning he text asking when he could see LO (I knew this was coming as Christmas is almost here). But I haven't replied yet, I don't know what to say to him, he only wants to see him cos its Christmas, the rest of the year he's hardly been bothered and I don't think it's fair on LO with no consistancy, he doesn't even know that FOB is his dad as he's hardly seen him the past year. What would you do? I have plans for Christmas Day going to families in another town , so don't really want to change for him?
He worries me, cos he always threatens with taking me to court, so I don't wanna upset him and feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Then part of me thinks what right does he have to do this to LO, walking in and out of his life when he feels like it, it's not fair he's either in his life or out of it. I just want the best for LO.

 

[Dream.dream]

My oldest dad does the same he barely sees him now , however I do let him see him when he asks . To be honest since he's always been inconsistent with visits it's not going to hurt LO to see himnonebin a while or on holidays because that's what they learn to expect , it's only a problem of they come regularly and then stop coming

My sons dad doesn't see him on christens but usually gets a visit a couple days before or after to give him his gift if he got him one and to see him .

As for court if he wants to go I say let him try his luck, lots of moms are scared of court when they don't need to be . A judge is never going to give a dad with inconsistent visits who doesn't pay support custody or take baby from mom . So do your thing and don't let the court aspect bug you. Or better yet file for yourself and then he can never use it again

 

[Yo_Yo]

Wow. The nerve! Kids aren't toys to be brought out on special occasions.

Kids need consistency and all year round love and parenting.

I'd politely ask he has better contact all year, not ad hoc. Or he just doesn't bother full stop.
It's not fair on you or your lo.

He would have to explain to the judge why he doesn't bother 99% of the time, so dont worry about empty threats. This is just poor attempts at manipulation.

 

[lovejoy]

He just wanted to call them because it's Christmas, he was properly feeling nostalgic.My ex did the same thing, I allowed him to call the children on Christmas Eve,but the rest of the year he didn't bother and contact is very inconsistent and forget child maintenance. I recently told him to eave the kid alone. My ex recently made a new life for himself too, and it very much seems out of sight out of mind.

If you're anything like me and most of the women on here you'll be wanting to do the right thing in terms of contact and have the dad involved, if possible, but with dads like these it is better to just cut contact and stop feeling guilty that your child will hate you, because they won't in the long run.

Take care of your baby and forget about him. If he really anted to be involved he would.