Coming home without baby

[Jaylynne]

Hi, I had an emcs at almost 33 weeks due to severe preeclampsia and my placenta abrupting. Liam was born Sunday and I got discharged today and have cried since getting home. He's still in the NICU and I feel like I abandoned him even though logically I know I didn't. The hospital is over an hr drive away and I plan on going every day to see him. Is this normal to cry and think I'm a horrible mom for not being by his side 24/7?

 

[Skadi]

Yes, it's completely normal and to be honest nothing about those feelings have changed after being in the NICU for the last month. I've found it very helpful to make friends with other NICU parents, it helps to know other people are going through the same thing and feeling the same way.

 

[toothfairyx]

Hi, congrats on your baby boy
Yeah thats very normal I would say, especially if it's your first baby and journey through NICU. Although it's very difficult, try to remember that your baby is being well looked after and try to use the time you have to recover from your op. I had a crash cs with my second - to be honest it was a relief that he was in hospital as I couldn't have coped with looking after him myself for about 2 months. You also don't want to be spending too much time travelling so early post-op either. So don't feel guilty or put yourself under too much pressure at this stage to be going in everyday, you need to recover too.

 

[AP]

It's all normal for the most of us here Hun, you're not alone!
The first lil while is hard for sure, but it's impossible and unhealthy for you to be there 24/7. We all spend different times there, some more than others, it's all about what you can manage xxx

 

[Jen1802]

Totally normal to feel this way. It just doesn't feel natural to leave your newborn baby and its very hard to get your head around that when your instinct tells you something totally different. It's a tough thing to go through and with hormones and baby blues thrown into the mix you'll have some very down days but try to rationalise it, he is in the best possible place. xoxo

 

[SabrinaKat]

I'm having the same problem myself -- as I left hospital last Wednesday following an emergency c-section due to severe PE. I feel so guilty leaving him there and it is hard trying to recover AND travel back and forth to the hospital. I have found it helpful to befriend the other parents as well, but it still hurts going home....

I supposed my advice is to take one day at time -- that's what I'm trying to do.

best wishes

 

[Kywiki]

I didn't feel guilty for the first two weeks because he needed to be there more than he needed me. After a couple of weeks I was able to do more things like feed, change diapers and hold him I felt terribly guilty about leaving him!!

Some things that helped me was giving him breast milk. Made me feel useful. Also since he was born at 31 weeks I still had a lot of stuff to do around the house and buy for him so that kept me busy as well.

One day at a time! They are home before you know it! Clayton was in the NICU for 31 days and it flew by. GL!

 

[avidwriter15]

I cried on the maternity floor because there were babies crying in the rooms around me. I cried when I got home because I didn't have my baby - and I cried for the first week I pumped because I bf my dd and I knew what I was missing. All I wanted to do was have my baby and breastfeed him from the moment I saw that double line.. I sit in his empty nursery and cry - and I see my still sorta fat belly and I cry because I can't touch him or feel him. I feel alone without him because I felt him for so long and I can't hold him or cuddle him.

 

[PoodleMommy]

I'm having a hard time with this too (I had to deliver my baby last Friday at 29 weeks; need to update my ticker)... I wasn't even allowed to go see him for over 24 hours because I was on magnesium sulfate for pre-eclampsia... not to mention the overwhelming guilt that I couldn't keep him safely growing inside me for longer! Until yesterday, I had been sobbing every five minutes... every little thing set me off. Now, I'm trying to focus on what I can do for our baby such as giving breast milk as Kywiki said, and savoring every moment that I'm able to be by his side.

 

[sandilion]

I am currently going through this.. it's so so hard. I cry every night.... my baby is my world, and i already can't stand my life without him. My boy was born on the 22nd Feb and ai also had a placenta abruption.. i managed to deliver vaginally with assistance as it had to be done fast.

I just want my baby.

Devin was born gestational age 32+2.

 

[nineena]

Huge huge huge congrats on birth of your LO. I think its completely normal to have that feeling of abandonment coz i sure felt that way. Our hospital was an hr away too but i'd get up every morning and take hubby to work then drive to the hospital and spend the whole day there, pick hubby up from work then stay with Ella til about 11pm at night and did that every day for 9 weeks and boy was it exhausting. The nursing staff used to tell me to go an get a break and get a few hrs rest but i'd say to them if she was at home i wouldnt be able to do that, i'd be with her every minute so why should that be different in hospital and i felt so so guilty for leaving her overnight.

Its funny though coz now on reflection i kind of think if i had to do it again i perhaps wouldnt spend every waking minute by her side because A. she didn't know i was there half the time as she was sedated and B. I would have been more rested when she did finally come home and well if i did have to do it again I wouldnt be able to be there all the time because of already having a lil girl.

I think we just do what feels right for you, we're all different and have different perspectives of the situation but i do think its normal to feel guilty.

Big hugs and hope your rollercoaster journey in NICU doesnt have too many unexpected bumps xx

 

[hawalkden]

I felt the same and by the second week Isaac was in NICU I made a lot of friends with the other babies in the ward he was in so we bounced off eachother and that support helped but it was when I was alone e.g. catching up on sleep or having a bath before travelling back to NICU i'd break down.

I discharged myself out of the Maternity Ward due to having no baby and hearing all the other babies crying 24/7 just got to me so much and I wanted to go to NICU and just take Isaac out and running home.

Hope your mini man is doing well though .

 

[danielle1987]

its definitely normal, When i was discharged I cried when i left the hospital, when i got home, when i seen reece nursery, when i seen all the presents ppl had left but had no baby there with me. Its so hard, I was cut up for quite a while. I spent all day every day with reece the 102 days he was in nicu (from 10am til 10.30pm) The nurses would tell me to think of them as very experienced babysitters. It is hard but it does get easier and it becomes the normal if that makes sense. If i was to do it all over again tho, I probably would have listened to ppl and maybe went home that little bit earlier. I was also expressing every 3hrs which gets tiring, So in heinsight a rest from rushing to get to hospital in the morning probably would have did me the world of gd. You will do what feels right for you. I hope your not having to leave your baby in the nicu for too long. The feeling when you do eventually get to take them home, there is no feeling like it. xx

 

[vermeil]

ooh congratulations on the birth of your little one!

As others have said so well it`s very normal. Just try to keep in mind your baby is where he NEEDS to be FOR NOW. He is getting all of the care he needs to thrive and grow stronger. I remember that thought gave me great comfort. That will change over time, you'll get into a routine and first thing you know - poof he'll be home.

I suppose I was different though in that I never cried for leaving him behind, never felt guilty etc. I know many moms go through that but I didn`t - honestly my son`s condition was so poor I was just focusing constantly on having him survive to the next day. That thought gave me drive, motivation to pump every 3 hours, get into a visit routing etc. I knew his survival odds at home were zilch so but then again I'm very rational heh. I would inwardly roll my eyes at moms who cried before their little ones had to stay overnight in the nicu due to jaundice. Funny thing is, if my little guy had been the one to stay only one night, I would have probably cried a flood myself

I know the nicu 'journey' is very hard but it does get easier, little by little