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Could do with some advice....
- Thread starter lou_w34
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Ash_P
Due Feb with 1st
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Aww babe Sorry to hear this. No offence but ur dad sounds like a complete arse!
I cant really suggest whether its a good idea for u to move out or not. But equally its not good for u to be living in a situation like that, esp with the stage in ur pregnancy.
Try not to get too wound up i know its easier said than done, but try keep urself calm for LO`s sake.
I can give u some info on HB and things ur entitled to if u wanna add me on msn or whatever Il answer as many questions as I can.
Hope ur ok huni, and if u need me just PM me. Hugs xxx
I cant really suggest whether its a good idea for u to move out or not. But equally its not good for u to be living in a situation like that, esp with the stage in ur pregnancy.
Try not to get too wound up i know its easier said than done, but try keep urself calm for LO`s sake.
I can give u some info on HB and things ur entitled to if u wanna add me on msn or whatever Il answer as many questions as I can.
Hope ur ok huni, and if u need me just PM me. Hugs xxx
Oh hun, what is it with men lately???!! My dad used to be a bit like this, he hardly even spoke to me when I was pregnant with my 1st, but as soon as she was born he was ok, don't know if this will be the same for you.
He's obv putting ur mom in an awkward situation which isn't fair as of course she wants to buy things for her grandaughter, and put a roof over your head.
He doesn't really have any right to have FOBs name and address, if you can't make him be involved what makes him think he can??!! If thats what he wants it for, I'm presuming.
Go and relax for the night and see how things are in the morning, sounds like bubs is getting a little stressed too!
And I can help u a bit if you need advice on benefits too! They are a nightmare!
Have some
xx
He's obv putting ur mom in an awkward situation which isn't fair as of course she wants to buy things for her grandaughter, and put a roof over your head.
He doesn't really have any right to have FOBs name and address, if you can't make him be involved what makes him think he can??!! If thats what he wants it for, I'm presuming.
Go and relax for the night and see how things are in the morning, sounds like bubs is getting a little stressed too!
And I can help u a bit if you need advice on benefits too! They are a nightmare!
Have some
xx
lou_w34
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Thanks girlies 
The thing is, i dont really want to leave, i just dont want to be here at the same time as him, Im scared to look after a baby alone, and my mum wants me to stay aswell, and i dont want to leave her here with him.
I guess thats why he wanted his number, he said he should be paying now, but its not like i can force FOB to hand me over his money. And my dad wants to tell his parents aswell, but i told him its up to when i feel comfortable enough to do that.
My mum just came up and said he doesnt like not knowing whats going to happen, but its not like i know either. Im not a mind reader. My mum told him this. She also asked if i was going to tell his parents, i said yes (even though i had already decided no) but i really dont want too... im scared they will try and get too involved and take her away from me for weekends when i dont want them too. I know they have a right to know... but i dont want to tell them, surely thats up to their son???
I dont really see me ever speaking to him again to be honest. Ill never forgive him for calling my child that.
Thanks for listening girls
The thing is, i dont really want to leave, i just dont want to be here at the same time as him, Im scared to look after a baby alone, and my mum wants me to stay aswell, and i dont want to leave her here with him.
I guess thats why he wanted his number, he said he should be paying now, but its not like i can force FOB to hand me over his money. And my dad wants to tell his parents aswell, but i told him its up to when i feel comfortable enough to do that.
My mum just came up and said he doesnt like not knowing whats going to happen, but its not like i know either. Im not a mind reader. My mum told him this. She also asked if i was going to tell his parents, i said yes (even though i had already decided no) but i really dont want too... im scared they will try and get too involved and take her away from me for weekends when i dont want them too. I know they have a right to know... but i dont want to tell them, surely thats up to their son???
I dont really see me ever speaking to him again to be honest. Ill never forgive him for calling my child that.
Thanks for listening girls
This is the thing with dads from our generation, back then they had no choice really, I don't think they really understand that a woman CAN raise a child alone and if the father doesn't wanna know well its not our fault their complete shits (maybe we should of had better judgement but hey) lol.
If you don't wanna leave, don't leave hun!! You will probably appreciate your moms help espcially in the early days, so stick to what you want and ignaore your dad if thats at all poss!!
Don't get too stressed out, don't wanna miss your driving test!!! Good luck for that by the way, I remember its soon
If you don't wanna leave, don't leave hun!! You will probably appreciate your moms help espcially in the early days, so stick to what you want and ignaore your dad if thats at all poss!!
Don't get too stressed out, don't wanna miss your driving test!!! Good luck for that by the way, I remember its soon
purpledahlia
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oh dear, sounds a bit messy.
TBH, my dad is similar, hes not called me names or said we should leave or anything, but he doesnt understand and finds it very hard to cope. He hates the fact 'his baby' has been treated like shit and walked all over, hates FOB, and because he cant comprehend treating a woman like that or doing what FOB has done.. so your dad probably feels the same but is expressing it a different way.
My mum gets upset being stuck in the middle, luckily for me my dad works away and always has so generally were not hugely close. But he will make a great grandad and will spoil her to no end.. im sure your dad will too.
Men dont even bond with their own kids till their born so i guess it is unrealistic to expect them to bond with their grandchild before theyre born.
Im not excusing what he said or anything.. but i do think a large part is down to him being scared for your and babys future. My dad thinks im going to be living on benefits and off him and my mum forever and im not going to be able to achieve what i could of without a child, which is something he cant comprehend, hes never got a benefit in his life nor have any of his family or my mums. So i guess in a way it is just me letting him down. But i honestly have no doubt once Ava is here he wont think that at all, he will be proud and want to show off his grandchild and his daughter who is a great mum -which we all will be!!!!!
Id maybe say to your dad, look, ive not expected anything from you, i do my bit in the house, im sorry ive not gone down the route you wanted me too.. i.e job marriage babys, but you will do your best to provide everything you possibly can for scarlett and all you want from him is his love and support towards you and scarlett. nothing else.
Dont know if u pay rent or not but maybe just offer something once shes here and your money goes up a bit, get your mum to back you up it sounds like she understands both sides??
If the worst comes to the worst and you definately decide that you need to leave.. then you should maybe apply for a council house now, maybe by the time shes couple months you will get offered one. Private flats are fine too just look for a flat you like, find out the HB limit for a 2 bed for single mum and baby, and find a flat with 'x' amount of rent to match.. then apply to council for HB and council tax.
x
TBH, my dad is similar, hes not called me names or said we should leave or anything, but he doesnt understand and finds it very hard to cope. He hates the fact 'his baby' has been treated like shit and walked all over, hates FOB, and because he cant comprehend treating a woman like that or doing what FOB has done.. so your dad probably feels the same but is expressing it a different way.
My mum gets upset being stuck in the middle, luckily for me my dad works away and always has so generally were not hugely close. But he will make a great grandad and will spoil her to no end.. im sure your dad will too.
Men dont even bond with their own kids till their born so i guess it is unrealistic to expect them to bond with their grandchild before theyre born.
Im not excusing what he said or anything.. but i do think a large part is down to him being scared for your and babys future. My dad thinks im going to be living on benefits and off him and my mum forever and im not going to be able to achieve what i could of without a child, which is something he cant comprehend, hes never got a benefit in his life nor have any of his family or my mums. So i guess in a way it is just me letting him down. But i honestly have no doubt once Ava is here he wont think that at all, he will be proud and want to show off his grandchild and his daughter who is a great mum -which we all will be!!!!!
Id maybe say to your dad, look, ive not expected anything from you, i do my bit in the house, im sorry ive not gone down the route you wanted me too.. i.e job marriage babys, but you will do your best to provide everything you possibly can for scarlett and all you want from him is his love and support towards you and scarlett. nothing else.
Dont know if u pay rent or not but maybe just offer something once shes here and your money goes up a bit, get your mum to back you up it sounds like she understands both sides??
If the worst comes to the worst and you definately decide that you need to leave.. then you should maybe apply for a council house now, maybe by the time shes couple months you will get offered one. Private flats are fine too just look for a flat you like, find out the HB limit for a 2 bed for single mum and baby, and find a flat with 'x' amount of rent to match.. then apply to council for HB and council tax.
x
purpledahlia
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I think thats a HUGE factor.
They not only cant comprehend the idea of a man treating a woman like this and doing what theyve done, but also they dont understand that women can do it alone just fine. IT wasnt done in their day.
lou_w34
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Yeah, i know your right, it just wasnt how things were done in their day... and i would make an effort to understand that if he didnt call me names
My mum does too, and i feel so bad shes stuck in the middle all the time.
Hopefully he will think a bit differently once shes here, i just thought he'd gotten over the bad feelings, as he kept going on about helping me with names (even though id already picked it lol) and trying to get involved, and then he does a complete u-turn!
Beginning to think all men, young and old, are useless lol
xx
My mum does too, and i feel so bad shes stuck in the middle all the time.
Hopefully he will think a bit differently once shes here, i just thought he'd gotten over the bad feelings, as he kept going on about helping me with names (even though id already picked it lol) and trying to get involved, and then he does a complete u-turn!
Beginning to think all men, young and old, are useless lol
xx
purpledahlia
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he probably has a hard time coping with it, just showing it in a bad way. he shouldnt of called you names tho, maybe talk to him about it. Im sure it will be different when shes here, he will be the first to come and visit i bet!
suzanne108
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My dad is pretty weird about my situation too. In fact, he won't even mention the fact that I'm pregnant, doesn't acknowledge it at all. I don't feel comfortable talking about anything while he's there....even if he's just in the same room and probably not even listening. I can't even mention the words baby/pregnant anything along those lines while he's there because thats how he's made me feel. Yesterday I had left my maternity notes on the arm of the settee and he tidied them away...so I was like dad wheres my stuff off the arm of the chair...he said what stuff....I could NOT bring myself to even say "maternity notes" !!!! Had to call them "my yellow hospital notes"
Why do men bury their heads in the sand????!!!!!
My dad was similar with my sister and she was in a relationship and had her own house....I know how much he loves my nephew now so I try not to let it get to me.
SORRY - completely went off on one about my own situation there but I'm trying to say that you're not alone. I know for a fact my dad is dreading the baby being here, even though I plan on moving out by summer. To be honest I just ignore it lol...I didn't ask to be in this situation and like yourself I don't want to live on my own, I need my mums help until I know how to look after a baby!!
You may have read a couple of weeks ago about a huge argument I had with my mum? She made me feel like she didn't want me here and I seriously considered moving out...but speaking to her afterwards I realised it was just a heat of the moment thing. Took me about a week or more to forget the things she said and I couldn't be bothered speaking to her for a while. I think our parents are probably just angry at our FOBs, but they can't take their anger out on FOB so they have to take it out on us from time to time.
I hope things get better for you. Your mum obviously wants you there so just try to ignore your dad...you'll need your mum when Scarlett arrives and you shouldn't be made to feel like you have to move out in your condition!
xxxx
thechaosismex
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as purpldahlia said he is probably more pissed that his own little girl has been treated like $hite tbh! Then again he should know best and not get you all stressed out, you are about to pop for gods sake!Have you got on the housing list yet for council housing? its a bit crap but anyone can get on it
try not to dwell on it, my dads a moody old git sometimes too xxxx
