Counselling

[JCIC]

So after many many nights of crying on my OH I went to see my mum tonight who informs me that both her and my dad have been worried about me for ages. They think that I'm not coping very well and have convinced myself that since my mc I am never going to conceive again (which is very true!). Mum thinks I should go and talk to someone to learn strategies for coping with various feelings that I'm having. I do feel like I'm going mad, e.g. just did a pg test and was convinced that I saw a faint blue line which would show me to be pregnant..I've tried to take photo to show you all but it won't focus properly and just looks fuzzy) Anyway basically was wondering how everyone else copes with mc, I know we will all cope differently but I'm hoping that maybe something that someone will say will change my outlook on things as right now I'm totally lost

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

I go to mmc councilling and fertility management and its the best thing ive ever done x

 

[JCIC]

thats sounds interesting I've never heard of that..where would I go about finding that in my area?

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Im not sure hun, i found mine through internet and doctors, its the 'scottish care and information on miscarriage', SCIM. Brill .....been great at councilling me on my mmc, helping me realise when i was ready to try again, and also has shown me their research on how to get pregnant and avoid another loss....and an easy way and loads of tips on ttc and keeping track of cycles etc...

 

[JCIC]

Yeah I googled and all the centres that I have found were in Scotland! I live in Newcastle. I have found a site showing some private counsellors that I could go to but not really sure what to do x

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

I was suprised as well....normally i can find nothing in scotland and all is in england so i was shocked to find places like that in scotland lol. The centre i go to is private also....no charge but have started donating.....maybe ask your GP if they could recommend somewhere? it has helped me so much x

 

[NatoPMT]

you can try the BACP - you can search for counsellors in your area here:

https://wam.bacp.co.uk/wam/SeekTherapist.exe?NEWSEARCH

Im training to be a counsellor and the BACP is the assoc i am going to be accredited to, so its the only one that i am very familiar but this sounds very promising:

www.bica.net

which is the British Infertility Counselling Assoc and will have appropriately experienced therapists

You can also search for womens centers in your area who often offer counselling as well and might have more specialised teams in fertility counselling - i know the ones in my area do. The other option, and prob the easiest (and cheapest - ie free) will be a referral through your GP

hope that helps

 

[meow951]

JCIC how long has it been since your miscarriage hun?

 

[JCIC]

I think its going to be quicker to pay for someone which myhusband is more than willing to do ( think he is fed up with me!). thanks for the links I will have a look and see what comes up x

 

[JCIC]

I had d&c on 28th November 2010 x

 

[meow951]

That's no time at all hun. Perhaps talking to someone might make you feel better. When i was diagnosed with depression it really helped to talk to someone outside of the people i knew. I didn't have to worry about hurting them and you can just say exactly what you think and feel.

 

[JCIC]

I know I think I just feel that my problems are tiny compared to others out there. I'm coping with my mc but I'm not coping with not getting pregnant again, I just feel like if I was pregnant again I could begin the healing process, I'll never forget the baby i lost but a new baby will give me something to focus on,if that makes sense. At the minute I'm shutting myself off from everyone as I just can't face the awkward questions, or getting upset cos I go shopping and see a pregnant person, even happy families make me want to cry cos thats all I want. I'm sooo lucky in so many others ways and I guess I feel a bit unworthy of counselling...I know thats stupid x

 

[NatoPMT]

From what i can see, its quite common for the grief to be pinned onto needing to get pregnant - and the grief to increase if you are taking time to TTC

I am really scared i cant TTC again. and theres no reason to think that at all. Especially as you arent suffering from being unable to conceive, your loss was miscarriage not infertility in that sense

is your husband being supportive? is he doing everything he can to help ease the the load on you? You say hes getting fed up, in what way?

 

[NatoPMT]

I know I think I just feel that my problems are tiny compared to others out there. I'm sooo lucky in so many others ways and I guess I feel a bit unworthy of counselling...I know thats stupid x

poppet, you have every right to feel however you need to feel.

yes, some people have issues that you cant comprehend, but this is something you are struggling with and others might struggle with things you are able to cope well with

we are all individuals - and whether someone else has stuff going on doesnt remove / detract from the personal struggles you have

some people are equipped to deal with different things in different ways.

One person who wants to start their own business up might be happy they got made redundant - others have even been known to become suicidal at redundancy - its different for everyone

your desires and hopes for your future and your life make your reactions valid whatever they might be.

 

[hb1]

Also maybe try the miscarriage association - they may have names and contacts.

hx

 

[JCIC]

Thanks Nato, my husband is amazing and doing everything he knows possible to help, as are my family and I have extremely supportive friends. I know I'm allowed to feel like this but I'm still finding it hard, I think maybe I see my weakness as a failure as I'm generally a strong person. rationally I know its not a weakness but thats where I'm at I think x

 

[SydneyB]

Hi There, I had a D&C in September 09 and I feel very similar to you. Sometimes the hurt and feelings of why me and seeing all the other families around me and EVERYONE getting pregnant even people I don't know is just too much to bear. I still cry about what happened at least once a week. I went for my smear test this week and that really threw me as it brought back all the memories of being in the hospital - I cried all the way home from the doctors. I don't think I am feeling any better about the whole thing. Just when I feel ok something reminds me and down I fall again! I just wish the postman would stop sending me through all the leaflets about "my baby" vouchers off baby stuff etc - I have tried to stop most of them but they keep coming!!!!! So no don't feel odd at all in fact thanks for your post because I was feeling a bit odd as well. Yes I've thought of counseling and to be honest I really do think I need to go - just don't want people thinking I'm crazy!!!