CSA is it worth it??

[emf81]

Hi all,
I am having a bit of a debate.
Do i take the sperm donor to the CSA or not!
I havent heard from him since May, despite textin him and keeping him informed on appointments scans etc - hes just ignored me .
On one hand i dont want to give hime the satisfaction of saying he has helped me raise m little girl. But on the other hand i think him having to pay would hit him right where it hurts- his pocket!

Any thoughts??
Thank you, Em xx

 

[frillyhilly]

csa are a waste of time and energy i wouldnt bother! if hes on a good wage and employed then do it!! but if hes gonna be a twat about it i wouldnt they really are shit, you will have to chase them constantly, they wont ring you! hope this helps but u shouldnt have to pay to raise a child yourself he shud pay too, if your happy to then its probably not worth the hassle

 

[Laura2919]

I would! I am a strong believer than if you create a child you pay for it regardless..

Why dont you take him to CSA and the money they award you you can put away for LO when she is older? that way there she chooses what she does with it and it didnt help raise her.

Plus lets face it, takes more than a few pennies from FOB to raise a child. FOB thinks he is super fantastic dad but really he is a part time dad with a full time lifestyle.

 

[emf81]

Thank you Laura, that's what I was going to do but then my friend said 'you don't want him thinking he has done his bit'. Grrrr men, I do wonder If there are any nice, normal ones out there xx

 

[babydue2011]

my nephews mom (lost her rights) so my mum raises him, she was given visitation rights by the court, 2 hrs two days a week then every other weekend and she would have to pay child support. it has been this since he was 4 months old... she changes jobs all the time or goes months without a job... so when child support finally comes it is barely anything. nor does she take the visitation time. yet she gets to brag about being a mum, that is no mum. its very sad she doesnt help with anything yets gets all bragging rights.

i would just prefer if he doesnt want to be involved just to keep it that way. Goodluck

 

[Ginger84]

Its obviously a very personal choice and a very proud thing to do it completely alone, however im with Laura on this one he should not be able to escape his responsibilites altogether. As much as i despise my FOB i wouldn't be able to live month to month without his financial help, at the end of the day any money put towards things for your little girl or her future is a bonus.

 

[Laura2919]

Thank you Laura, that's what I was going to do but then my friend said 'you don't want him thinking he has done his bit'. Grrrr men, I do wonder If there are any nice, normal ones out there xx

Done his bit by giving money?? Lol. No way! It takes way more than money to raise a child, your love and support will do that alone.

 

[bumphenders]

I'm not going to try and get CSA from FOB, he has came and gone the past 14 weeks up until 3 weeks ago he told me to F*ck off and die.
So as far as i'm concerned, I will act this way, I wont contact him no more, I will give him what he said, and thats that. He knows when my scan is and when LO is due, so if he gets in touch then we will take it from there.

It like whats already been said... Its not about the money, its about the love and support you will give your LO...
I bet more then anything you will be more then ok without his help

 

[Mally01]

Well, I am going to call FOB or contact him one way or another when LO is born and give him the opportunity to suggest what he will be contributing to this baby and if he ignores me or tells me he can't, then I will tell him I will be going to the CSA for child support, I will basically threaten him. To be honest, I think back on all that's gone on between us and I am really fed up that I was made to feel as if this is something I have done to him, really, it makes me mad. I don't contact him anymore and the last time I did, I cursed his ass to the high heavens and then he made up some stupid story about losing his phone and that's why he didn't respond and how I should think before I speak. Initially I thought I would just let him disappear and never see him again. But I am doing this for my kid not for myself. I couldn't care less what happens to him now but I want my child to at the very least, have some financial help off it's Father. We shall see I guess. Ignoring the fact he is going to be a Father will not change the reality that he is and he must grow up about that.

 

[upthehammers]

i didnt think i'd bother but my solicitor told me i should and after him calling me and being an idiot i think i will. He called me yest and asked for my bank details so he could give me £11 a week. I asked him why when he hasnt bothered contributing at all for the first year of his son's life and considering he didnt even bother with him on his birthday to then be told its the figure he got from csa website and he wants to contribute ...but that he'll pay me less when LO is born in a few months!! Told him dont worry I'll go through csa and have it all officially thanx and not just a random amount he's made up.
In all honesty I've managed the last year without his 'help' and whatever piddly amount i get off him wont make the slightest difference, gonna just give csa bank details for my sons account and just get it paid in there to save for him and his sister when she comes.

The man is an idiot and like someone above said he should be made to make some sort of contribution to the lives he's brought into the world. Its bad enough i knew he had 2 daughters when i met him, but when that crept up to 3 and now im 4mths preg he's got a newborn, that now makes 6 kids he doesnt provide for ...totally ridiculous!

 

[Mally01]

i didnt think i'd bother but my solicitor told me i should and after him calling me and being an idiot i think i will. He called me yest and asked for my bank details so he could give me £11 a week. I asked him why when he hasnt bothered contributing at all for the first year of his son's life and considering he didnt even bother with him on his birthday to then be told its the figure he got from csa website and he wants to contribute ...but that he'll pay me less when LO is born in a few months!! Told him dont worry I'll go through csa and have it all officially thanx and not just a random amount he's made up.
In all honesty I've managed the last year without his 'help' and whatever piddly amount i get off him wont make the slightest difference, gonna just give csa bank details for my sons account and just get it paid in there to save for him and his sister when she comes.

The man is an idiot and like someone above said he should be made to make some sort of contribution to the lives he's brought into the world. Its bad enough i knew he had 2 daughters when i met him, but when that crept up to 3 and now im 4mths preg he's got a newborn, that now makes 6 kids he doesnt provide for ...totally ridiculous!

Oh that's crazy he doesn't provide for any of his 6 kids?!? Wow I really do think the law needs to be changed concerning men who impregnate women then just bugger off without helping out, especially multiple times, that's just taking the piss!.

Seriously, if you didn't treat a pet properly or pay for its food and upkeep, the RSPCA would come bang down your door. I know us Mums are taking care of LO's needs but the fathers are more or less neglecting them! They should be charged with neglect. We don't live in the dark ages and what the heck would happen to half these kids if, god forbid anything happens to their Mum and there is no-one else to look after them?.

The Government should come down super hard on men who do this. At the very least, harsh laws would make men more concerned about contraception. My ex actually joked and said he wouldn't wear condoms because 'he doesn't like the smell of burning rubber!' This coming from a man who categorically didn't want kids and knew I couldn't take the pill....where did he think they came from then? A visit by the lucky leprauchan?

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

My baby's father just got a job, before that he was on jobseekers and I would have got something stupid like £5 a week. But I decided to take it anyway. Now he has a job, I'll get more and I'll still take it. If he can't be a dad he can at least face the responsibility of paying for his child. I don't need his money, But, it's his child, why should he not pay?

 

[emf81]

Thank you for your advice

I think I will apply for CSA and let it build up for a later date for her, although I suspect he will throw the how do I know if she is mine card at me grrrrr! Xx