Custody arrangements

[Beckettshades]

Can I ask what youre arrangement is and what you expect FOB to do parenting wise?
I'm slowly losing my mind with my ex and am approaching the point where I just want to throw in the towel, and take him to court for full custody.

I must admit I don't usually venture in here as Im not a single parent- my girlfiend and I live happily together and we have a lovely little family.

My issue at this point is my ex. He wants 50/50 custoday- and access. Which I have been trying to make work with him for the last 8 months. The problem is that this is about what he wants. Not what is best for LO (who is 6 years old).

IF I could convince him to step up and parent then this wouldnt be so much of an issue- LO is secure in her two houses and loves seeing so much of both of us. However- he won't bathe her in his time- I asked why (baring in mind that at 6 she's reasonably self sufficient- she basically just needs supervising and a hair wash!) He says he hasn't got enough time.
He wont allow her to do any of the after school clubs she has asked about she regularly tells me that "daddy is sad when im not there, he wants me to be at home with him" I don't like that he is playing with her emotions like that. LO has to do a certain amount of cardio a week thanks to a medical condition so that all has to be squeezed in to my half of the week.

He won't do homework or reading with her. With the current 50.50 split I get 3 days one week of custody time and 4 days the next. So some weeks she has her weeks worth of home work to squeeze in on 3 days. She's exhasuted and it just isn't fair on her.

He won't put her to bed on time, or drop her off on time. On sunday night when he drops her back to me- it's usually 7 o clock and she wont have been fed or bathed. Her bedtime here is 7. On his nights she's sometimes in bed for 9, if I'm lucky and he wakes her up at 6 to drop her off at my mums as he starts work at 7.

I honestly feel like he just wants her for the fun stuff, and she's suffering because of it. In turn my time with her suffers as I'm stuck squeezing in homework and cardio.

Would any of this hold up in court? I just want to check that I'm seeing things clearly and not seeing them through the eyes of a bitter ex. Sorry this is so long!

Beckett

 

[Ceejay123]

Hey - I'm not a single parent either. But as you've had no replies, I thought I'd chime in with my OH's experience (Separated from his eldest's Mum). He went to court for access and has weekends and holidays as requested. So it's a completely different situation. I can understand Dad's that feel the need to be 'fun' when they have their child every now and then, but when they have them half of the time - That's not realistic. It's unfair on her as you've said.

My OH does a lot of taking his son out, buying him things, taking him out for meals and spoiling him etc - but just because he has him something like 25% of the time and wants to make it special.

But don't get me wrong - his LO still has a shower at ours, He's been looking into clubs, though that's difficult with the arrangement he has. We buy maths/literacy books each year which his LO fills in; he makes Christmas/Birthday/Mothers day cards with both of the kids too. And he's always dropped off on time.

It sounds to me like you ex has very little respect for you and thinks that those things are non-essentials. Does he have a partner? I know in our situation, my OH is very much 'Fun Daddy'. He play fights with the kids nightly, throws them round (They flipping love it -.-). He takes them out to the park to play with remote control cars/buys them.. every single little thing they even glance at when we're out - Drives me insane. . He takes our oldest swimming every week. I'm probably much more boring - but I get things done. I bake cakes with the kids, make pizzas.. Make sure meals are at the right time. I bath/shower/blowdry the kids hair(Although he did this last time, haha), make sure that they brush their teeth and are wearing clean socks. Maybe if your OH had a partner/other kids, this would improve? It sounds like he enjoys being fun Daddy, which isn't realistic when there's no other parent in the house. x

 

[Ginag88]

I know this post is old. I was wondering if you ended up going to court as I just came out of a similar situation n landed into another one with my ex