D&C complete, baby is above now

[AlwaysPraying]

Today went much better than yesterday. There was a sense of calm today. I want to thank everyone for their support.

Physically, everyone was so right. It wasn't that bad, and I don't feel too terrible. I'm sore and crampy but that's it.

Emotionally, I don't know how I feel. I'm relieved that baby is now above, free of this disorder, not in pain and won't get anymore sick. I'm devastated for the loss anyways. I wish he wasn't sick, I wish I were still pregnant. I'm coping though, it's all I can do.

We got the footprints from him. They are so tiny, so very tiny. It made my stomach turn. It confirmed that he was there inside of me, growing, and at the exact same time it confirmed that he was outside of me not alive. Heart wrenching is all I can call it. It's too much for me to bear right now. Even as I write this, I am stopping my feelings, I just can't take on anything more. All I can think is the relief, for both of us and our baby. Oh, how he must be so much more comfortable above than he was here. I'm grateful for that.

 

[catfromaus]

You have been amazingly strong, it is so horrible that anyone should go through this, but you have carried yourself so well through what must have been an unspeakably tough time.
Giant hugs for you, and I hope that things start to look up again soon.

Cat
xxx

 

[Las78]

Hun, I agree - you have been amazing and strong through such a difficult time.

I'm glad physically you feel ok. I hope emotionally each day gets a little easier for you.

Take extra good care of yourself hun and if you need to talk you know where I am x

 

[borntobeamum]

oh honey, im glad you found the strength and things were calm for you.

Im sure you Angel boy is playing with all his new angel friends, free from all the troubles he had.

Here any time if you need to chat, sending you so much love and hugs just now.

xxxxxxlaura

 

[beaney]

I just want to echo the lovely words of the other replies. I'm pleased that the day felt more right than the day before, and that you are at ease with your little baby being more comfortable now and free of pain. I'm sending all good wishes and vibes to you and your OH to continue with the amazing strength you have shown through this sad time.

xx

 

[Jessa]

Glad to hear you had a sense of calm and feel a bit better knowing your baby is above and not hurting. Don't hide your feelings too much. Let them out or they'll get trapped inside. Don't be afraid to cry and scream in the next few days. It will make you feel better. Thinking about you.

 

[babytots]

hunni you are being so so strong sweetheart. just take each day as it comes and dont expect too much of yourself.

i am glad you got his footprints hun you will treasure those for the rest of your life. i'm sorry i'm no good with words today but we are all here for you when you need us. x

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Any and all words are good words babytots.

Today I'm a bit more sad than yesterday. I think yesterday I was so relieved that the procedure was over, that I could stop worrying if I would miscarry, I could stop worrying how sick baby was, I could stop worrying how much pain he was in. Today it's a little bit more real that he's gone. It's weird because I'm not bleeding much at all. I thought it would be a lot more. I should be grateful, but not bleeding reminds me of being pregnant. There's no good way about it, because if I were bleeding it would remind me that I wasn't pregnant.

I'm slowly opening up to my feelings. I will admit that I'm afraid to be as sad as I do feel inside. The grief is overwhelming, cruel and unfair. Maybe I'm just easing into it slowly, hopefully. I feel destroyed, but I know my life has to go on. I have to live a life for him to honour him and to respect his tiny life. Me and his "dad" had a great conversation last night about him. Other people say that our baby was so tiny and so sick, that there was so much pain. But we keep going back to thinking how strong he was. He fought through so much that he shouldn't have been able to. He was so strong and so smart. We both said that he was the one in control this whole time, that he was teaching us and telling us what to do and how to handle it. He was so tough and so determined the whole time. I feel like we had to let him go because he was so strong, it wouldn't have helped him in the long run, his condition would have caught up with him and destroyed him from the inside out.

I just keep going back to the word "mercy". God have mercy on us, and on our baby, yes, but more so, I keep saying that we were doing everything for the mercy of our baby. I've never felt so raw and unknowing. But I always knew what we had to do for the mercy of our baby.

 

[rachjim98]

I am sending you lots of
Sorry I not much help right now but what you have written has me in tears, you are a very strong woman!
Bless your little boy may he RIP..

 

[jenn2282]

R.I.P little man

 

[AlwaysPraying]

"Little man" I like that a lot!