Dad is a criminal and wants unsupervised visitation ?

[a11wishes]

So, long story short, me and my daughter father broke up the day of the incident". He tried to kill me and got charged with the following.

Felony domestic violence
misdemeanor domestic violence
Misdemeanor breaking the restraining order
Felony criminal threats
Felony false imprisonment
And misdemeanor child endangerment.

The child endangerment was dismissed due to a plea bargain. He served no jail time bc he is a veteran and for accepted into veterans court. And instead does an 18 month outpatient therapy.

He is currently taking a
12 week parenting class for 2 year old (our daughter is 15 months)
52 week women's batterer program
18 month vet court

On Tuesday we finally had a ruling. He got supervised visitation 4 hrs a month.

The judge said in 6 months he can fight for unsupervised.

What?! 6 months at 4 hours a month?! He hasn't seen her in a year or more. And he will have 24 hours with her in 6 months. 2. Years with only 24 hours?

Does this seem right to you? He is a dangerous man. Yes, people deserve second chances but I don't see how this is logical. Has anyone else gone through this? What's the next step for his visitation? The judge said it will be slow baby stay but it doesn't seem like it.

 

[messica]

Where are you located?

Were you represented by an attorney at all or did you go to court alone?

 

[Dream.dream]

Unfortunately if he completes the course and does well in his supervised time then they can't keep him from applying for unsupervised time .

I've seems it way too often ( I'm a paralegal in family law)

 

[Mummy1995]

That is bloody madness

 

[a11wishes]

I live in Las Vegas and he lives in Southern California.
He only wants one weekend a month but he doesn't even know how to install a car seat let alone take care of a child on his own. And bc of the restraining order I can't teach him anything either.

I don't see how allowing him to have her is safe

 

[sillysapling]

It probably isn't safe, but legally there isn't much you can do. Family law is really messed up, they'll put children in danger until they get hurt way too often. I've even heard of someone convicted of molesting his own children later getting unsupervised overnights with them. It's awful.

When she's old enough to really communicate, if she says she doesn't want to go to his house and the visitation is court ordered, you'll have to force her to go until you can prove she isn't safe there. I think when she's 14 she can make the decision herself, but that's such an awful long way off.

I'm very sorry you're facing this, I hope that somehow things workout and your baby is safe. People can change, so your ex may get his butt in gear and be a good dad, but it's such a huge risk...

 

[Ceejay123]

.

 

[KayBea]

my ex (fob) was arrested & charged with assult by beating. he was told in court that he wouldnt be allowed un-supervised access & would have to go through a contact centre to see her for £80 an hour.
hes not allowed to contact me in any way.

much to say he hasnt bothered as he cant afford to.. but hey he can still afford to buy £60 tshirts & drink all weekend & every weekend..
his loss i suppose!


can you arange for him to see LO supervised by your family? xx

 

[sandra063w]

whoa...thats really terrible...yea I guess theres not too much you can do ey...I mean its been legally approved so..

 

[daneuse27]

That's disgusting all some people care about is making money. They don't give a rats ass about the well being of the children. Those are the kinds of people I believe belong in hell.

I'm so sorry you're facing this. How old is your daughter? If she doesn't want to be around him then maybe her testimony against him would help?

 

[messica]

You said in your original post that the judge only said he **could fight** for unsupervised in 6 months, that doesn't mean he will, or that even if he did, that he'd be granted that.

There's a big difference between having the legal right to amend a visitation schedule, and being granted any proposed amendments.

In my experience with the foster care system and really violent offender parents, going from four hours a month (likely an hour a week) supervised to what you're thinking will be 24 hours unsupervised in 6 months is highly unlikely (by that I mean I've never seen it happen). The progression is much MUCH slower with lots more baby steps in between.


If I had to guess it would likely go more like:
1. Supervised 4 hours a month (1 hour a week) - 6 months
2. Supervised 8-16 hours a month (2-4 hour visits) - 6 months
3. Moderately supervised 8-16 hours a month (visitation facilitator may simply be in the vicinity as opposed to sitting right next to him documenting) 3-6 months
4. Unsupervised 1-2 hours each visit gradually working up more and more hours until he's got an every other weekend schedule worked out


The thing is, as easy as it is to worry about that, statistics are not in his favor. The odds of all that time giving him enough rope to hang himself legally again, before he gets to unsupervised, are pretty high. That's exactly why they do it that way. 12-18 months for violent offenders is pretty typical in my state to go from a supervised to unsupervised visitation schedule. I have yet to see a single one reform and actually make it to that point before they run into more trouble (or hit blips that the visitation supervisor picks up on - like parenting issues) and the judge pulls the option off the table entirely (if the offending parent even wants it that far out anyway - most get tired of jumping through the hoops and give it up on their own accord).

If he hasn't been in her life all this time it's likely this is all about power and not actually about the child. He's trying to find anyway he can to get to you so to speak, knowing this will worry you straight into the ground.

Can't offer you any guarantees of course but most @ssholes like him give up when they realize the attempt to control and inject themselves into your life is way more work than it's worth.

I do wish you luck, and I'm so glad to hear that you made it out of your ordeal alive. You sound like one tough cookie, and I'm sure you won't have any trouble raising your daughter to be the same


Victim advocacy services can guide you to better time lines based on your area specifically. If you're at all interested in that please pm me and I'd be happy to help you locate some. They are truly awesome resources to tap into to help keep you and your child safe as you navigate this bs.