DD's best friend is leaving school :(

[Cattia]

I just found out this morning that DD's best friend is leaving school to go to a school nearer to where they live. I feel devastated about it. Her friend started the school late and since she started they have paired up and just do everything together. I was so happy for her to have a best friend. Now I'm worried she won't settle and will just be an outsider to other groups of girls. I know I'm probably being ridiculous since she's only 5 and her teacher says that when her friend isn't there she plays with other girls. It's just that this friend is the only one she really talks about at home. She's the one she wants to invite to parties and play dates, she just doesn't seem that interested in anyone else. I know it sounds stupid but I can't stop crying about it and thinking about her being unhappy in school. To make matters worse, I am expecting baby number 3 any day now (5 days overdue) so when she goes back after Easter she has that massive change at home to deal with plus no best friend at school. I honestly feel so upset about it

 

[RachA]

I'm sure she'll be fine. If she plays with other children when her best friend isn't there then I would think she'll find a new friend or friends to play with once she's left.

Tbh I'd be actively encouraging her to seek out more friendships anyway. While it's nice to have a really good friend I really don't think it's good to put all your eggs in one basket as if were. Girls especially can be so awful and if she's only got one friend and she decides she doesn't want to be your daughters friend anymore then your daughter would be left on her own (obviously more relevant if the friend wasn't leaving).
Guess what I'm saying is-use this opportunity to get your daughter to expand her friendship group to include more children.

 

[Cattia]

Thanks Rach, that makes a lot of sense, I hadn't thought about it like that. When I was at school I always had one best friend and we were always together. We are still best friends now and she lives close by, so I guess that's something I really wanted for DD, but obviously just having a close friend in reception certainly doesn't mean they're going to be friends for life, or even right the way through school. I think to be honest my pregnancy hormones are making me blow everything out or proportion and it probably seems much worse than it is, I just can't help feeling sad and worried for her. I am going to chat to her teacher after pick up tonight and see whether she can encourage DD in some other friendship groups.

 

[seoj]

Awe She'll adjust hun- kids are great at that! They just find their way And honestly, I'm shocked at how many friends my oldest has gone through over the years. I always had that one BEST friend (still do- granted we met 15yrs ago)- and maybe a small core group of friends in school. But it seems her and her girlfriends kinda come in/and out of each others lives. She has some she's known for years- but then they don't hang as much and she's got a new bestie each year! Maybe it's just her- she is a social butterfly, and totally outgoing and willing to meet new people... I was more shy and not as self assured at that age. So I'm not sure how my LO might be as she grows. As it stands now- she's fine on her own! But does connect with some kids in her pre-school.

Long story short- she'll be fine! Just be supportive and encouraging and she'll figure it out. It's hard not to worry- but being proactive helps!

 

[Jchihuahua]

I can completely understand why you are upset and I would be too but as a reception teacher I see how quickly children adjust and I bet she will quickly find other children to play with as children are not cliquey at this age at all.

 

[Emma23]

I'm sure she will adjust! I had a close friend leave my school when I was younger and I was really upset but I adjusted to the change quite fast. It was more shocking for me because I didn't know she was leaving. I came back one Monday and she just wasn't there anymore. I was about 7, I still don't know why she left and I guess I never will! My son had a close friend at his preschool who moved town and I was pretty sad about it but he wasn't too phased, he just spent more time with his other friends. We meet up with him every few weeks which is lovely as they still get to see eachother!

 

[Lara310809]

She will be fine Cattia. My daughter's best friend left last summer - she just didn't return after the summer break and there was no explanation for it; nobody seemed to know where she had gone. We eventually found out that the family moved abroad.

My daughter was 4 at the time

Anyway my daughter was teary but she did have other friends and she played with them and in time she felt better about it. Even now she still talks about her friend, and she actually saw her earlier this week when they came back to visit.

 

[Cattia]

Thanks everyone, I am hoping that she'll adjust and be less worried about it than I am! She hasn't really talked about it or about school at all over the holidays, we have a new baby at home so that's taken up all her attention and I am hoping it will be a good distraction for her when she goes back to school. She's really into being a big sister so I think that's built her confidence a bit.

 

[Cattia]

She told me today she plays on her own at lunch time now and she plays the game she used to play with her friend pretending they have ice powers. I feel so sad thinking of her running around the playground on her own. I'm really worrying about her

 

[RachA]

Speak to her teacher. My son told me on a daily basis he played on his own all the time. When spoke to his teacher several times and they watched him and yes there were times he played on his own, by choice, but there were also times he played with others too.

 

[Cattia]

Speak to her teacher. My son told me on a daily basis he played on his own all the time. When spoke to his teacher several times and they watched him and yes there were times he played on his own, by choice, but there were also times he played with others too.

Thanks, we actually did this today. The teacher feels she has adapted really well to the two big changes of losing her best friend and having a new baby at home. She said DD isn't in her own at playtime and in fact is often the one organising the games so I guess I need to try to relax about her a bit. The teacher said she's been on the lookout for her with two such big changes and that if she was worried she would have called me. I think she thinks I'm a paranoid nutter which is pretty much the truth!

 

[RachA]

lol i think we are all paranoid nutters then. TBH the teachers are used to things like this and its the mark of a good teacher that she's been observing her without you asking her to.

I think children are funny and their perception is totally different to ours. They can block out the fact that they played with someone if the thing that they want to tell you is something different.

I don't know when you talk to your DD about what she's done at school but i found that i had to keep things fairly general when i picked DS up. Then just before bed he'd tell me more information.