Decided to TTC - now what?!!!!

[2expatmoms]

Hi everyone,

I'm totally new here and trying to wade through so much information! My partner and I have decided to TTC! We want to try home insemination with a known donor as I am 31, healthy, have a regular cycle and don't have any reason to think I have fertility issues.

We are really right at the beginning of this process, so my question is, what steps do we have to take now? Any advice in terms of legal, medical, cycle tracking would be much appreciated. What should we ask our donor to do? I don't even know how to get started!

ANY advice appreciated in terms of steps to take between now and starting to TTC (we are thinking of starting in 3-6 months time).

THANKS!

 

[Taralyn_m]

Oh so much to do!
I would start taking the pre-pregnancy vitamins now, and start tracking your cycle so that you know what you are looking for when you start trying. There are lots of sites that help you track, I use a combination of OPK's and watching my bodies changes.

Get a general check up and check that any medications you are taking (if any) are ok, start generally thinking healthy.

Wading through the known donor thing can be complicated. Make sure you are all on the same page and know exactly what the agreements will be and how you will deal with little ones questions later on as they grow up. Depending on where you are a legal agreement may not be worth the paper it's written on, but either way it might be worth getting things written out so everything is clear.

Not sure what else to suggest, I'm sure others will have some ideas for you though, most of all good luck!

 

[FutureMombian]

I am glad that you made this post! My partner and I have also decided to TTC! I have been so overwhelmed with the information posted on the internet and even on this site, seeing that I am so new, there are sooooo many acronyms!! We want to try doing at home insemination and also have a donor willing to help us. I would suggest having your donor tested for HIV and other STD's. As mentioned above, get a family lawyer, to draw up some paperwork stating what will happen between you and the donor. I am afraid to do the at home insemination as I have heard positive and negative things about it..

 

[2expatmoms]

Thanks Taralyn. I hadn't even thought of taking the vitamins! I am pretty healthy generally (diet, exercise) and no medications, but I guess a check-up won't hurt. Should I be asking our donor to get a general physical as well as get tested for STDs?

Our donor is a good friend and I think we are on the same page in terms of how we will approach things. We want our possible future children to know who their biological father is and to have a relationship with him, but we are not going to co-parent or share custody. We don't even live in the same country! I am super hesitant to go the full legal route especially if it may or may not be valid in the end... But I DO want to have something in writing and we will be talking things through really carefully as we get ready to try.

Thanks for answering!!!

 

[2expatmoms]

Hi FutureMombian,

Yay, congrats on deciding to TTC! I am also SO confused by all the acronyms and the complicated stuff around tracking fertility etc. I have been tracking my cycle for nearly a year now but not using any ovulation tests or checking mucus or body temp. Are you doing all that??

We are hoping to try home insemination first. If my partner changes her mind and decides she wants to carry a baby too then we will probably go straight for a clinic since she is 36. But I would like to try something more "natural" (LOL) and intimate first if I can. We don't actually live in the same country as our donor so this might not be possible if I don't get pregnant right away.... I read that the average for women in their early 30's is 9 months, and we certainly can't afford to fly back and forth every month for that long!!! So if we don't get it after a few tries we may have to go for a clinic anyway.

What makes you afraid about the home insemination? I have so much more anxiety about the idea of going through a clinic!

 

[Blackmoon]

Honestly this was mine and my partners first month TTC. It was successful! I am currently 5 weeks and 2 days. We just tracked my ovulation by CM and OPKS. The day I got my first positive OPK, we had our donor come over and donate in a sterile cup, waited about 5 minutes for all the sperm to go to the bottom of the cup. I positioned myself with 4 pillows to elevate my hips, then I put some pre-seed internally near my cervix. It helps the sperm swim and it's sperm friendly just in case you don't get the desired "egg white CM". We used a 10ml syringe and got as much of the sperm in the syringe as we could, tried to get as much of the air out as we could. She put her finger inside and guided the syringe as close as possible to my cervix. After she inserted the sperm inside, I had to make myself "O" and laid there for about a hour with my hips elevated on the pillows. We did this the day of the +OPK and the day after. GOODLUCK HUN!!! Hope this helps a little bit. LOTS IF BABYDUST TO YOU AND YOURS.

 

[Breezeway]

We did the natural way.... But the last time, me n him stayed at the location the day before ovulation, n the day of ovulation. We naturally" had sex 3 times, total during those days.... N I'm glad we did, since it worked! We had been trying with our known donor ( my wife's family member) for 5 months at the time. N I was getting very irritated n tired of the process. Also I had decided that that was the last time to try, since I gave up. Another key to the natural way... Have fun!!!! Stop stressing. My wife wasn't there for the act, we both kept up to date with my "My days" program, and knew when ovulation was. I also made it a point to have a intimate n very meaning night within days of being with him (which also helped with keeping me heightened for him). N we including him all knew what the purpose was n there were to be no exceptions! Something that also helped us... Our arrangement also included after my wife picked me up, she wanted to know every little detail. Which was awkward at first, but I realized that she was imagining herself as him, and she felt very much a part of it. This was decided since I felt it would be awkward for her to be in the same room as me n him, and I didn't want her temper to flare at any moment... If u have any questions please ask, this is our decision, it might not work for some, but it did for us. Good luck

 

[The2mums]

Breezeway - are you gay??

We are using donor sperm and syringes - I'd rather have no kids than have to have sex with a man for one.

I'm no gold star lesbian either I've had sex with men before! But I am married to my wife and it's only her I want to have sex with. She feels the same.
So if you are gay but had sex with a man then each to there own but we couldn't do it.

 

[Taralyn_m]

Having sex with a donor was also not an option for us, we discussed it early in our relationship but both felt it wasn't something we would be comfortable with and now we are married and have been together 4 years, I just couldn't do it. I do know others that have though and it has been fine for them. We all go through this journey in our own way.

 

[FutureMombian]

Hi FutureMombian,

Yay, congrats on deciding to TTC! I am also SO confused by all the acronyms and the complicated stuff around tracking fertility etc. I have been tracking my cycle for nearly a year now but not using any ovulation tests or checking mucus or body temp. Are you doing all that??

We are hoping to try home insemination first. If my partner changes her mind and decides she wants to carry a baby too then we will probably go straight for a clinic since she is 36. But I would like to try something more "natural" (LOL) and intimate first if I can. We don't actually live in the same country as our donor so this might not be possible if I don't get pregnant right away.... I read that the average for women in their early 30's is 9 months, and we certainly can't afford to fly back and forth every month for that long!!! So if we don't get it after a few tries we may have to go for a clinic anyway.

What makes you afraid about the home insemination? I have so much more anxiety about the idea of going through a clinic!

Thanks congratulations to you guys as well! We just decided a couple of weeks ago so we are starting to get things in order. I am going to purchase at home ovulation kits in the next week so after I start my next period we can try for the first time. I am not checking my CM or my temperature. I don't really understand the whole temp thing but I am trying to learn. I just bought prenatal vitamins today and took my first one tonight. I really hope that we have good luck when it comes to this. I am nervous about at home insemination in the way that I am scared it won't work. I have PCOS and my periods haven't always been normal but for the past 4 months they have been. I would recommend that you have your donor get STD test done. You don't want to catch something from using his sperm. I cant believe that you guys are from different countries. How come you guys decided not to use an at home donor or from a cryobank? It would probably be cheaper, no?

 

[2expatmoms]

I cant believe that you guys are from different countries. How come you guys decided not to use an at home donor or from a cryobank? It would probably be cheaper, no?

Yeah, it is kind of strange! But I feel really strongly uncomfortable with the idea of an anonymous donor. The person we asked is someone I have a strong friendship with and is happy to have a relationship with any potential children although he doesn't want to be a parent. That's exactly what we are looking for. My partner and I both feel that our possible future children deserve the right to know who donated half their DNA and to have the possibility of exploring that relationship if they want to. I know lots of couples don't feel that way but we do.

I am nervous about at home insemination in the way that I am scared it won't work.

I can totally understand that! At least with a known donor it is free to try a few times!! I hope you'll keep writing about how it goes! We still have about 5-6 months until we will start trying, providing that we can work everything out with our donor etc.

 

[Nanner2mom]

Hi everyone,
Ive been reading this forum for the last couple days, and it feels great to know there are so many other people out there going through the same thing as I. I thought I'd share my story

My name is Andrea, 27,and my wife's name is Nicole,26. We have been together for nearly 4 years. Two years ago we started talking about TTC but decided to wait until finances were in order. We moved to a different city, met new people, which eventually led to meeting our donor. After a year of getting to know him we felt he'd be the perfect fit for what we are looking for in a donor.We didn't know how to approach a guy to ask for his sperm. it was nerve racking and a bit awkward, but the worst thing that could happen is him say no... so we went for it. It surprisingly went very smoothly and he agreed to help us in creating life.
This is our second month TTC. Last month I used clearblue test and we were able to get a donation day of LH, day after, and the following day. Our SD told us that he had ejaculated a few hrs b4 1st donation so we were skeptical about the longevity of his swimmers.
That 2 week wait to c if I was pregnant was the longest two weeks of my life. When I got the BFN I was kinda sad but also informed enough to know it does take time and me stressing about it wasn't goin to help.
We are now TTC for our second time. I gotta say I feel much better this time around. The first time was stressful, and kinda uncomfortable knowing there was going to be sperm injected in me, silly right? This time I was ready. I knew my personal ovulation symptoms and was able to overcome the sperm associated anxiety it's really a beautiful thing when u think about it, and I am so grateful to him and his sperm. He was also very conscious about being sparing with his swimmers this time around so I think we got some good samples! LH surge detected oct 12th AI oct 9th, 12th, 13th, and 14th. I hope it works this time! Please send some *** baby dust*** my way..