Demanding Careers & Being a single mom

[whoknowsx]

How many of you have demanding careers (60+ hrs/week)? How do you manage to be a single parent?

For me thats my main concern. I'm about to enter a big law firm in which average work is between 60-80hrs/week. I'm scared shitless to be a career woman and a single parent. Anyone have experience? is it possible?

 

[Laura2919]

Oh my! Thats a hell of a lot of hours to do hun. Who is going to be looking after the baby? I used to work but just 20 hours a week. That was hard and expensive enough.

 

[dustbunny]

Well, anything is possible but you have to weigh up the sacrifices. Staying in such a high powered job would mean less time with the baby and so you would have to have outside help. I am guessing and sorry if this is wrong, that you would be on a good salary so the financial side might not be a major worry - again, sorry if that sounds out of place.
Or, you cut down on your hours which would mean you would spend more time with your baby but would mean a cut in income etc and if you are career driven then it might also include anxiety etc.
I think it is not so much a case of being possible but a personal choice. No one side is bad or good but a case of whatever works best for you.

 

[Laura2919]

Thats nearly half a week hun. I wouldn't be able to do it. I would think about cutting hours if it was me.

 

[MumToBe2012]

Well anything's possible. I know that my parents used to work that many hours when I was little, but that meant that I had to go to a childminder. But my parents weren't single, so it will be harder for you. If it was me, I'd try cutting hours down, or when your baby is here, spend a lot of time off to get used to being a mum and then think about going back to work and childcare. Honestly though, I think you'll only be able to know how much you'll be able to cope when the baby's actually here.. you don't know what she/he will be like, you might realise you want to be there more for your baby, or the amount of time you're at work and the added bonus of a baby might cause you to get too stressed etc.

I think you should talk to someone you're close to and ask their opinion, but honestly only you know how you'll be able to cope.

 

[whoknowsx]

Sadly cutting hours is not an option as I would be a junior attorney; It looks like I would have to hire a nanny but I worry about the impact that would have on the baby (the baby would be 11 months when I start).

I only plan on doing these crazy hours for 1-3 years but definitely changing the track of my career before the baby would be school age. I just don't want to interfere with baby-mommy bonding. Some people say it's quality over quantity and that I should make the best of the time that I have (i.e if I get off from work early, rush home to spend time... do fun things on the weekend... take vacations with the baby) but I envy people who have more time to spend with their kids. It's already unfair that the baby wouldn't have a father present.. and now I'm super busy too.

 

[teal]

Good luck to you

It's something I wouldn't be able to do. I used to work full time before I went off on maternity leave but I decided to return part time. To do so I had to take a drop to a lesser job role but I personally felt that my son is only little once and I didn't want to miss a thing.

Do you have to decide now or could you wait and see how you feel when the time comes? (Sorry I don't know anything about law firms)

I hope things do work out the way you want them to though xx

 

[Laura2919]

Well the first 3 years are when the baby learns the most and when your going to miss some important things but only you can decide what is best.
I used to work 20 hours a week and I had to put my girls into nursery from 7.30am til 1pm 5 days a week and it was hard work with just 20 hours hun.
I think its amazing if you can do that but its a very very long time to be away from home and your baby

 

[whoknowsx]

Yeah, my hands are tied. Don't really have an option.

I was planning on being a lawyer, I just didn't plan on getting pregnant (and then abandoned) right now.

 

[Laura2919]

Oh hun sounds like you have a really tough time. But if you put your mind to it you can make it work and when you do see your baby you can make that time extra special and make lots of fun things to do

 

[lily2011]

Hi hun. If it's a matter of not having a choice, then you will do it and just make the best of it. I work 40 hours a week and have a 5 month old, and the trick is just finding care you really trust. For me, there is a wonderful daycare center right around the corner. It is expensive, but necessary if I'm going to work like I do. I know a lot of people have differing opinions on working/stay at home, but it's important to understand not everyone is the same. For me personally, I would not be happy as a stay at home mom. I get joy out of both being a mother AND a professional woman. This does not make me a bad person. I was able to buy me and my princess a beautiful new home and she doesn't want for anything. I thought this was better than struggling to keep the lights on!! She loves her daycare, and when I pick her up, she is all smiles and we have wonderful evenings and weekends together. So don't feel guilty if you have to do what you have to do. A lot of us here didn't plan on getting pregnant, but we are managing the best we can. Good luck to you!

 

[wishuwerehere]

Hey hun, not quite the same thing but my OH works 60+ hours a week and still has quality time with LO, she loves him to pieces, so it can be done x

 

[Dream.dream]

im a student currently and have been since my son was 4 weeks old. ihave been in classes on average 40-50 hours a week. and i know its not work but its kinda the same. and i did okay. You just have to be wicked organized and plan everything. However thechoice is your you have to wiegh whether you want more time with you baby and if it were me i think working 60 hours a week would leave almost no time for my child and that would kill me.

 

[george83]

i don't really have any advice but i'm sort of in the same situation. I'm a teacher and despite what people think we work long days with my travelling a basic day is 10 hours minimum. I had planned on going back part time but now my husbands left me financially i know i need to go back full time. I'm dreading it like you the whole point of having a baby is spending time with them but some times needs must. i know some people rely on benefits and that's fine for them but i loved my job and in some ways i do want to go back, i worked bloody hard putting myself through uni to achieve it. i'm very bitter towards my ex that i'm the one being put in this position becuase of his choices.

 

[Lu28]

You have to do what you have to do. I work 46 hours a week but by the time you add my daily commute on, it's closer to 67 hours. I wish I didn't need to but cutting hours isn't an option. The UK is actually very very open regarding flexible hours and part time working but that isn't the case in many other places, Ireland being one of them. There are very few part time professional roles here and by the time I pay my rent, it would have to be full time anyway. I need to be close to family but all the decent jobs are in the city centre so I have to commute. I'm looking for jobs with better hours but this is it for the time being.

I ended up staying home with Aisling until she was 18 months old, was home with her again from 2years to just last month and now I'm working these crazy hours. I am tired and I don't get anywhere near as much time with her as I'd like but I'm doing what I have to and so are you. I'm a lawyer too (although not working in that area at the moment unfortunately) and it would be a shame to throw it all away now as I suspect it's a case of all or nothing

 

[whoknowsx]

Thank you ladies for sharing your insight. I'm going to try to do the best I can.