Depressed, emotional, tearful - had enough

[Miss406]

I need a place to vent my frustration!
I am getting so depressed at the moment, mainly to do with my cycle.

I'm now 16 days late and still no answers as to why. I FEEL pregnant, I have all the symptoms of being pregnant (I've done this enough to know!)
I'm peeing more, I am more emotional, my cervix is high and hard.
All my tests are still BFN (different baby daddy).
Had a beta blood test yesterday that would have been sent off this morning. Results (with any luck) on Friday.


I just keep torturing myself, testing, wasting money on more tests, straining hard at 5am hopeful to see a line or two.
Looking through everyones announcements on here, even the gallery - I am happy for them all don't get me wrong but my goodness, it's making me depressed and tearful.

I have a close friend of mine who is now 8 weeks also and it kind of feels like she's rubbing it in my face that she is pregnant whilst I'm still waiting to find out. BFP pics, bump pics, etc. I'm happy for her please, don't get me wrong. I just wish it was me.

I have no idea what is going on in my cycle, I am a 28 day cycle girl, always on time and never ever ever late (unless pregnant).

I just want to know one way or the other, I really am driving myself insane. No bleeding, no cramps, nothing. I just cry and cry and cry. I feel like ''this test is the one'' test again and still nothing.

Do I really have to accept the fact I am NOT pregnant?
Am I pregnant? Is there ANY glimmer of hope left?

I've told my Fiancé that now we will be using condoms because no way am I going to torture myself again, thinking 'what if I fell pregnant after the beta blood test?'

I think I want this so much it really is driving me mad!
What also doesn't help is the genuine feeling that I am pregnant!

Someone please - help me - talk sense into me. Tell me I am not alone and try to cheer me up. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until AF comes!

 

[Scottish mum]

I can understand your frustrations but trust me your going to drive yourself insane !! I'm a great believer that these things happen when you don't stress or think about them!

I was going insane for months before I had lo and got really obsessed about it and as soon as I stopped and just relaxed I fell pregnant !

I think if your not already pregnant try and take your mind off it for a while, give yourself something else to think about and just have fun with your other half and see what happens !!

If for some reason you think it's a medical issue then seek help via your gp. Xx

 

[seoj]

Fist- deep breathe!

Second- try to focus on what you DO have hun... if you continue to focus so much on what you want, you are not fully present for what you have. As "polly anna" as that sounds- it's true. I know how hard it is when your TTC and everyone else is getting prego- I was there for a LONG time trying for my first LO... but my journey is mine, not theirs. Just as yours journey is your own. Whatever path it takes.

Edit: I just noticed the date on your OP- sorry... hope all has been sorted. Hugs.

 

[Miss406]

Thanks Ladies, my AF showed up the day after I wrote the OP!
I spent the whole afternoon crying, I couldn't believe the beta was negative then a few hours later she came. What a horrible awful trick to play on me!

I messaged my 'friend' earlier telling her how many tests I have (52 OPK and 59 HPT) and her reply was ''someones desperate''

Finally my AF has stopped and we WILL be trying again this month. I feel strong enough now, I just hope that when the 2ww happens that I am not constantly fussing over it and it takes over! Especially hope that if I don't get pregnant I'm not late, especially as late as 17 days!

I feel focused to try this month, it's something I want too badly to stop TTC altogether. Words can't describe what happened last cycle, I was in tears, it didn't help after the beta returned with a less than 2 - negative result I went and tested again and got ANOTHER evap line and was screaming WHY WHY WHY because to me I wanted it so badly I believed it was a

Anyway, thank you both for your replies, didn't see this thread for a while and thought it had got deleted!