Did you tell work??? Advice please...

[noelle1979]

Wonder if you may shed some light / experience??

I will explain... my DH's morphology is low (3%), I am waiting to see a FS, pretty sure he will refer me for IVF. I am all clear, lap and dye to prove it so the prob lies with hub. I work for a company that is set to launch a product, so lots of exams and a conference in may for 3 days abroad... I think I will be seeing my consultant early Feb (waiting for waiting appointment) of which once the forms are done I know there is not a waiting time for IVF at the clinic I have chosen.

I have a real issue... do I tell my company or not? I have a male manager, he is great sometimes and cold (men+emotion= bad!) sometimes. To the ladies that have gone through it / going through it what did you do? I am 100% not putting work first just concerned about the logistics. I will need to take exams on certain days and worried that it will clash plus needing to be at conference. I also feel worried that if it does not work they know and people feel sorry for me, they know I am trying and that I am the one with IVF

So gutted it is all falling at the same time... what to do?

Can you ladies help with your experiences? xxx

 

[hollyw79]

Very tough call.. I told my boss VERY vaguely that we were having fertility issues and that I may need some time off for it but didn't go into detail. I think it depends on how heavily they are going to lean on you with the upcoming project. If they'd be able to survive without you at last minute moments.. then I wouldn't be as inclined to share... I actually have like 5 bosses over me~ and I only told one minor details because I've already had a scheduling conflict with my IUI stuff. I would try my best to not worry about them knowing whether it worked or not.. Maybe you could say you're having some personal medical issues and leave it at that??

It truly just depends~ I think it's best to feel them out and if you feel like it won't hurt you or your career and that they will be fine even if you miss a few days~ then by all means give them a brief overview of what's going on so that they are more understanding. I really do think (IMHO) that being honest is the best route.

Trust your gut!

 

[hollyw79]

Is Noelle your name btw?? I like it!

 

[NanCat]

Personally, I wish I had not told my boss...once you tell them you can't take it back Now I'm worried that she is weighing my fertility efforts into my work schedule and I've realized I really want to keep those two parts of my life separate while I'm still trying. If (praying) we get pregnant finally, then it will be worth it to tell my boss and figure out what the priorities are.

I agree with Holly, maybe think of another excuse to give if you can? You might also be able to do your tests/labs early in the morning before work. My FS offers 7:45 am appts. Just my two cents. Keep us posted!

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey, I would wait until I had firm dates. Once you've had your FS appointment they may put you on BCP for a month first. Explain to them the conflicts with work & they may be able to help around it?

I did tell work but there are protocols in place to help. The drugs made me confused & forgetful so it was important they knew & I could be given a more relaxed role x

 

[africaqueen]

Hiya hun.

I am worried about this myself, as dh and i will be undergoing IVF this spring/summer due to my having no f/tubes after 2 ruptured ectopics.
I have only worked at the firm since end Aug and although i have a perm contract, i would be worried about losing my job if i disclosed all the details of IVF etc. The way i look at it is this- had i been able to get pregnant naturally, i would not be informing work that we are trying so why should i now? I have already preempted things by mentioning my periods and pcos are getting worse and i am waiting for a referrel to see a gyno specialist so when the time comes il stick with that, and when i have ec i will say im having a procedure on my ovaries as it is true ;-) Good luck xxx

 

[noelle1979]

Thank you ladies... It's another thing to worry about on top of the stress of IVF!! The issue I have is exam dates set and a company conference (abroad) early May. I have decided to wait for the dates and then see what happens with the exams.... may say I have an op scheduled for something that I cannot change... GRRR!!!


Holly... yes it is, thank you. Although Christmas time is the time I get the usual jokes about a certain Christmas carol! xx

 

[seoj]

It's a tough call for sure... especially when you get to the point you'll need some time off work for tests or procedures etc... I struggled with that for a bit, but I'm fortunate my work hours are very flexible. So I just simply say I need to leave early for a doc appt, no questions asked. May need to come up with some better excuses though if this doesn't work the first time and I need more tests... lol. But I'll just take that one day at a time

If there is any way you can keep for telling them, I would hun. They don't need to know any of what is going on... only AFTER you get prego should it be their concern. And even then, they don't need to know straight away.

Hope it all works out!! Best of luck!!!

 

[princess2406]

I told my manager at work, wasnt planning too until we got dates confirmed etc but had abit of a break down so had to explain. Luckily she has been so understanding and her mum has been through IVF so she knows I will need time off for appointments etc.

Wishing you lots of luck x

 

[MrsJA]

It's a completety personal choice of course, but I did tell my boss and I'm really glad I did.

He is not renowned for being warm and fuzzy either, but he was great when I told him and very understanding. I think it helped because sometimes you have to take leave at the last minute and you want your boss to understand why and approve it!

But I know lots of people who didn't tell and just managed their schedule around it.

Good luck to you ladies

 

[Lou32]

I had a bit of a breakdown at work too and ended up telling my line manager. I also felt like I needed to tell him because I wanted to book leave and I needed him to be flexible, as I didn't know exactly where the dates would fall. He was really nice at first but then I got ill (long story) and he became less sympathetic because of time I had off sick. Of course I didn't choose to be ill and I'd have done anything not to be as I was in such pain, but all he saw was that ivf would mean more time off for me and eventually mat leave. Incredibly bad timing!
There was around a 10 month gap between telling him and actually starting ivf (due to illness) and by that time I decided to tell a different manager and ask personnel for informal advice on whether I was allowed a day or two off for the ivf procedures and that's what I regret the most, as they referred me to one person after another and each one of them was unhelpful and insensitive - including the equalty and diversity dept (I work in the public sector, so they pretend they don't discriminate). At one point I sat in a room with two other people as they decided they'd need to draw up a schedule of my appointments for my second round of ivf so I could work around work commitments (I was just going through the first at that point, so their confidence in it working was upsetting to say the least! I was also offended by them making a project out of such a personal issue for me). They also decided it was the equivalent of plastic surgery so it should be taken in my time.
I know what you mean about everyone knowing if it doesn't work. That's exactly what I'm going through now as we got a BFN at Christmas. Thankfully I have a colleague and good friend who has been incredibly supportive the whole way through our fertility nightmare and she told people who were likely to ask me, so I didn't have to say anything. A couple of them have said sorry it didn't work, but they've left it at that really. If anything, I've been given a bit of space, which has been nice as my mind's not really been on work since going back after Xmas.
I think it might be hard to keep it from them, and it might help you and them with planning work/appointments if you tell them, but I'd be really careful whith who you tell - just tell the one person you trust the most and who needs to know. I regret telling so many people as it's such a personal issue.
Hopefully you employer will be a bit more sensitive than mine. I will tell my line manager when we do our second round because I might need to be flexible with leave again, but I'm defo not telling anyone else.

 

[MissMonty]

Hi, I told my manager on my 3rd attempt, 1st 2 times I managed to fit appointments round work (early morning appointments ect) and I phoned in sick and got sick line from GP for 1st TWW, decided to tell me manager as my company brought out new policy and procedure allowing 1 weeks paid leave per year for fertility treatment, he was shocked when I told him but was understanding telling me his sister in law had had IVF too. I felt a weight had been lifted for while as I didn't need to worry about calling in sick ect, but now I hate the fact he and HR know - there are 3 pregnant girls in my department and I just feel uncomfortable about the whole situation, also my company has had a large funding cut and we are at risk of redundancy, I'm worried they will use this against me - although I know they shoudn't. Sorry for the waffle, it's so difficult deciding what to do for the best, I think next time I might go down the GP sick note again. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide

 

[dreamofabean]

I told my boss and was really shocked at how lovely she was about it. Had to have quite a few appointments out and she asked the reason. I'm teacher and was really worried how she'd view missing school but she was great. Went as far as to say that this needs to come before work and to not worry about appointments as she'll cover them!
Sometimes people's support comes out of the blue! I'm so glad i told her as i was really worried x

 

[Ruthalaska]

I had to travel 1500 miles for IVF and take 2+ weeks' leave, so I really felt like I didn't have a choice but to tell my supervisor. But I'm glad I did. I ended up taking to her, and also to the next supervisor on the line (both women), and they were both SO GREAT! It made me feel better about everything, and since they were both so wondeful and supportive, it makes me feel better about my workplace being supportive and flexible about my needing to take maternity leave once I get to that point.