Didn't enjoy pregnancy at all... But now feel lost and empty without it?!

[MemmaJ]

Let me just start by saying that my baby boy is 9 weeks old, and I love him absolutely and completely. It's not been very easy with him - he's now being treated for CMPA and Reflux, so has been very unsettled and it's been quite difficult from the start - but he's gorgeous and wonderful and that's not what this is really about...

My first pregnancy (identical twin boys) was 11 years ago; it was unplanned but I was 18, young, fit, and despite suffering horrible sickness throughout, I really enjoyed every part of it. I didn't work (my Temp contract was conveniently 'not renewed' when I told them I was pregnant! ) so I was a lady of leisure (my partner at the time worked full time).

I have always felt that the whole experience was 'taken away from me' as I went into labour at 27 weeks with no warning, so I didn't get to see out the pregnancy and I didn't have any say/control over the labour and birth. However, I didn't feel any sense of sadness afterwards, I was just glad that my babies were alive and OK.

This time (new partner) it was planned. We were both so excited to start trying, and it was 10 long months before we got our much-wanted BFP and we were both completely over the moon
However, despite having no sickness or bad symptoms this time, I just didn't enjoy being pregnant for some reason...
Obviously I'm older, and the job I do now entails shift work including 13 hour shifts - nights/days/weekends/holidays, etc, which I really struggled with. I never had any time off, but I was tired and ached all the time; and suffered ongoing daily painful Braxton Hicks from 26 weeks onwards (which obviously panicked me given my previous history). I was always miserable for some reason.

I couldn't understand why I didn't like it so much, when I'd loved it last time and had wanted it so badly this time; but I just couldn't wait to be full term and just NOT be pregnant anymore

I went into labour naturally and he was born at 37 weeks and 4 days.

BUT..... Since he was about 3 weeks old, I've just felt this overwhelming sadness that it's over. I don't know how I can miss something that I hated, but I find myself feeling jealous of other pregnant women and wishing it was still me. I miss my bump and I want to have that excitement and anticipation of 'when labour is going to start' again.
I actually enjoyed my birth experience so much this time (it was my dream birth - waterbirth with just gas and air), and the closeness that I felt with my partner throughout the labour and birth as he was so brilliant, it was such a unique and wonderful experience... I just want to do it all again

I'm not saying I want to have another straight away, because the though of that terrifies me (having two so close together). My partner would prefer a small-age gap, but I want to enjoy my little boy properly for a few years, on his own.

I feel guilty - like I'm ungrateful for having my gorgeous baby here.... I'm not, so I just don't understand why I feel like this?!

Anyone else....?

 

[Diannam]

I feel some of what you do. I really do miss being pregnant and all the excitement that comes with it. Looking forward to finding out the gender, and what baby will look like and the whole experience of labour, pain and all.

I didn't have a rough pregnancy though until the third trimester when work was getting hard. I was on my feet for 8 hours a day, but only 3-4 days a week. I took the last month off using my vacation days and I had no physical complaints for the remainder of my pregnancy.

I however didn't quite have a natural labour. I was induced at 41+2 using pitocin and the pain was so bad and being limited to the bed to deal with it led me to an epidural. (the pain lying down was so much worse too)

This was my first, and might be my last. Having one is pushing it financially and my husband is finding one hard enough to deal with. I envy the pregnant too a little. I have found though my sadness over not being pregnant anymore has decreased a little over time.

 

[jessmke]

I think it's one of those things, like hating high school when you were in it, but then once it's over you miss it. Or hating your first apartment because it was tiny, smelly, and cramped, but then you look back on that time and miss it. I feel the same about my pregnancy, I hated being pregnant but now that it's over I find myself missing it sometimes. But I just remind myself that if I went back to high school, or my first apartment, or being pregnant I would hate it just as much as I did the first time. I think our brains choose to remember the good in things, even if the bad outweighed the good at the time.

 

[winterbabies3]

I'm starting to feel the same way. I'm trying everything not to as it's depressing. I had my husband delete all my pregnancy apps so I wouldn't see them anymore and founit hard coming on this site=/. I felt this way after my wedding was over as well. I found it fun to plan and know that it was a huge deal coming. I think it was just a huge deal in our lives for so long that now it's over and that's what hurts. I love dd and wouldn't change anything but it does hurt to know it's all over. To add to my ordeal this was my last baby so I'm trying to focus all my energy on her so I don't miss a second! Xx