dithering about ttc after losses

[lilesMom]

Hey.
I don't quite know where this qs belongs and I hope no one gets offended or hurt by it.
I've had 4 pregnancies but only hve one child.
I would get preg tomorrow if I knew id get my baby.
But I'm not sure I can put my whole family through another mc
At what point do I give up and be gratefull for my son.
Is it fair on them to keep trying or on me.
My most recent mc was only 6 weeks ago.
I'm only done with bleeding for a week.
So I know I'm premature in this .
But its wrecking my head
And I can't stop thinking about if I should ttc next cycle or not
Or possibly never!!! ( prob not never &#128522

 

[MommyOnMyMind]

I think that you should give it time and decide. After our loss we knew we would ttc eventually because we don't have any children. I was ready right away but my husband just wasn't. This wasn't a decision I could make on my own. If we had already had a child I'm not sure how the conversation would have gone. We've always said we want four but would be happy to have at least one. Ultimately I would wait a little longer to get over everything before making that decision. Maybe you could just try to "not trying not preventing" approach and just let it happen if it happens instead of completely giving up?

 

[lilesMom]

My first mc was before my son.
Then we went back and ttc when we got doc all clear.
And had our ds
Now I've had 2 mc since my son.
Ur right , im not deciding right now.
Been thinking about maybe ntnp alright .
But I know id prob turn that into ttc fast.
I know I'm lucky to have a decision.
And im lucky I hve my son.
I just had a bad few days and was a bit low
Thanks a mil for ur reply xxx
Best of luck with ur ttc xxx

 

[kls9503]

I'm unsure also on whether to ttc again or not. I have two living children both girls. We had a boy in between them but he only lived 12 days. Since having my 3 year old daughter I've had 2 miscarriages (6 weeks and then 16 weeks). Deep down I feel as though my family is incomplete but I don't know if that is because we lost our son or if I'm just not finished having children. Best of luck to you!

 

[lilesMom]

Hugs that's really rough on u xxx
I know the feeling.
I'm not sure if its loss is making me want to now
Or if I genuinely need a bigger family.
Its hard to separate the two.
Glad u hve ur gorgeous daughters xx
But losses are still very hard.
Hugs.
Best of luck to u too xxx
I'm a bit extra superstitios about trying again.
Ttc never goes well for us.
My son is brilliant but had a stroke at birth
So has epilepsy, cp and poss autism.
So I'm wondering what horrors might be in store this time.
Find it very hard to believe things might go smoothly!! ��

 

[Rebaby]

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through

It seems there are a few of us feeling this way. I know I can certainly relate to the way you're feeling.

I've had 5 pregnancies and of those I have 2 sons, who I adore and are my whole world I feel guilty for wanting more, and worry that people will think I'm selfish, and greedy and don't appreciate what I already have. Of course I do, but there's a small part of me that just isn't done no matter how much I tell myself that I am, or come up with good reasons why I should be.

Each miscarriage has been progressively harder (mentally and physically) and now that we're contemplating trying again I find myself wondering what next time will have in store. I feel in my heart with almost 100% certainty that if we were to begin TTC I would have at least one more loss before a chance of a successful pregnancy because that is what has happened every time before...

Anyway, I don't have any answers, I just wanted to say that I understand where you're coming from

to you and all those who need them.

 

[Amygdala]

I just came on to ask the same question. Not that I'm expecting anyone else to be able to answer it for me...

Rebaby, I could have written your post. I have two perfect, healthy children with no complications during the pregnancies. Before them I had a mmc and I'm currently going through another (surgery next week). The age gap between our littlest and any new baby would already be bigger than I'd like and I just don't know, if I can put my family through another pregnancy again and take the risk of things going wrong. This time, my kids don't know what's going on. But what if next time, there were to be complications later on, after we told them? Or what if baby isn't healthy? I was scared of complications before but now I'm terrified and I don't know if I can risk it again. My DH leans towards trying again but I think he'd be ok either way. Why does ttc have to be such a gamble?

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks ladies
Hugs to ye both xx
Mc is just awfull.
I'm mentally in a better place now
We r gonna ttc again very soon.
But it took me till now to feel ready
I was pressuring myself to decide before I felt strong enough to
Its a horrible decision to be faced with.
I know I want another child and a sibling for ds
So I'm gonna try again and cross my fingers and toes
I'm not sure if things go wrong again
I will stop for at least a year I think
Cos I cant keep having mc
But I'm currently willing to try again.
Hugs to ye.
Hope ye find peace in whichever ye decide.
But I think if ye feel missing,
A lot of the time eventually u will try again.
Hopefully we hve more luck this time xxx

Thanks so much for replies.
Hugs and great luck to ye all

 

[Amygdala]

Best of luck to you! Hopefully this will be your rainbow and make the recent past just a bad memory.

For us I think it's now or never. We'll either decide to try again pretty much straight away or we'll not try again. I'm thinking the former, once we get over our fears. But who knows.

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks hon xx
I was pretty much thinking the same way as u a month ago
As I feel stronger and less sad
I'm way more inclined towards ttc again.
But if this time doesn't work in possibly done.
But fingers crossed it does ��

Best of luck hon if u decide too ttc.
Take ur time xx
U honestly will know when the time comes
Cliche but true xxx

 

[Amygdala]

I'm a bit different than most people about this I think. I kinda want to try now. I think if we don't soon, I'll not want to do it at all. A lot of that is to do with it being our third though. Somehow, a third seems a big responsibility. When you have one, a second one pretty much just goes along, financially speaking. But with a third, we'll need a bigger car, bigger house eventually, travel to family would get even more expensive... So as much as we want a third, it seems like the head decision would be to stick with two. And it's difficult to not see this mc as a sign. Although I do not believe in these things one bit. But it feels like we need to make the decision all over again but this time with an increased risk of things going badly.

 

[lilesMom]

For me a second means bigger car and possibly home extension
My first guy has special needs so him and his stuff take up loads of room.
I wanted to go again straight away after for a bit
Even though I was on antibiotic for possible infection after mc
The reason I wanted to I was afraid if I didn't go straight away
Id never be brave enough to.
OH made us wait.
Which was def right choice.
Then I made us wait one more cos I went back to being afraid
Now we've gonna go for it ��

 

[Amygdala]

Good for you! Sounds like you've processed things just the way you needed to.
We went straight back to trying after my first mmc and I think it was the right choice for us then. But it was our first and there was never any question about whether we'd try again, just about when. This time is harder, also because I am completely over being pregnant. I'll do it again for another baby I think but it's really not an enjoyable process for me now, between the physical challenges and the constant fear.

 

[lilesMom]

I kinda feel the same
When I get bfp, I'm happy for half a day
Then the stress and worry creep in
I'm gonna try to be more relaxed this time.
I'm over pregnancy a bit too.
Its the bub I want , not the rest ��
Xx
Best of luck to us both x

 

[Rebaby]

I'm a bit different than most people about this I think. I kinda want to try now. I think if we don't soon, I'll not want to do it at all. A lot of that is to do with it being our third though. Somehow, a third seems a big responsibility. When you have one, a second one pretty much just goes along, financially speaking. But with a third, we'll need a bigger car, bigger house eventually, travel to family would get even more expensive... So as much as we want a third, it seems like the head decision would be to stick with two. And it's difficult to not see this mc as a sign. Although I do not believe in these things one bit. But it feels like we need to make the decision all over again but this time with an increased risk of things going badly.

I understand this completely, and feel pretty much the same. Nothing about trying for a third seems sensible or rational, we have 2 healthy boys, enough space in the house and car, life is good, so why risk upturning all that?! But somehow, I still find myself wanting to? And then we made the decision, way back in 2013 letting our hearts win over our heads, and the result of that was a miscarriage- which turned out to be molar, and me being diagnosed with a chronic health condition. So even though I'm not superstitious at all, like you say- it did feel like the universe was telling us it wasn't meant to be. And for a while there, I sort of agreed, but it's 2 and a half years later now and I still keep thinking about this third baby we would have if things had been different, and wondering about TTC etc...I feel like we need to act on it, or else draw a line under it, for the sake of my sanity more than anything else!

 

[lilesMom]

I was thinking of stopping and just being glad I had my son.
I was thinking maybe 2 mc was a sign
But I'm still feeling the longing
And I feel our family would all be better with one or two more.
Hope u find peace soon hon. X