Do I tell her dad

[sandyhen85]

Hi all, i hope its ok for me to drop in with this problem, i dont really know who else to ask and didnt think it was appropriate for the ttc thread where i usually post messages.

My 14 year old stepdaughter has told me tonight that when she visited her mum last month she asked her everything about why her and my partner broke up all those years ago and the story the mum has told her is very different to the one I have heard and makes my partner look really bad......the mum actually abandoned my stepdaughter and disappeared for 5 years, but my stepdaughter believes what she is saying that she loved him more than anything but it was all his fault that they broke up and that she left.......I have always tried to keep the peace between my partner and his ex because I don't think it would be right for my stepdaughter to see her parents not getting on, but how can I not tell my partner what his daughter now believes to be the reason for their split and what do I do if the story is true and he's been lying to me for all these years to make himself look good....we've just recently suffered an ectopic pregnancy and were about to start trying again

 

[seoj]

For me, I would say something to your OH hun. He should know what his ex is telling his daughter-- his daughter is honestly old enough to know the truth. As sad as it might be-- lies from her Mom (or Dad) can only cause more pain that good. My hubby and I were always very honest with my SD- age appropriate. And she won't ever know ALL of what her bio-mom did (hubby got full custody due to her actions when SD was very little- as there is not reason for her to know all that)- BUT, she knows enough. She's 16 now. But even at 14 (and younger- as she was a ver inquisitive child)- hubby and I would talk first, then we'd all sit down and have very open and honest discussions...I think it's important to be honest with your kids- obviously within reason and age appropriate etc...

Just my two cents- obviously do what your comfy with. But I would say tell OH what happened and the two of you can talk it through first, then, if it makes sense maybe you, OH and SD can sit and talk it out- or at least ask her if she has questions. She might want to hear "both sides". She may not need to know it all- but she doesn't deserve to be lied to.

So Sorry for you loss - big hugs

Wishing you the very best of luck!