Do you ever worry what your chances really are?

[AlwaysPraying]

I waited 31 long years to try to get pregnant and it ended tragically. I'm in a relationship but not married yet. We got pregnant before we had a chance to plan the wedding, so we said that we'd wait til baby was here to get married. Now that baby is gone we are back at square one. I wanted to rush into planning the wedding and trying again, but I jumped the gun. I did bring it up a week after we lost the baby. My fiancee looked at me with despair asking for a bit of breathing room. He asked if we could just take some time to absorb what we went through before getting into planning a wedding. I think he just wants to do nothing for a while. He's asked me time and time again to trust him, to believe that he does want to be married and that it will happen. I have no reason not to trust him or believe him, I'm just afraid I guess. I'm not ready myself to try again, I know that, and I do want to be married first before we try again, I know that. So we're on the same page that way. But I want to plan the wedding I want to know when it will happen so I know when we will try again.

I'm just sick at the thought that my chances are down the road again. I was so thrilled that we had agreed to start trying this past winter and we did get pregnant, but now I fee like it's forever away. He did say that he wants to get married by early next spring at the latest, which is fine with me. He said he'd rather not rush the planning and cause more stress, which I understand.

I think my trust in a lot of things has been shaken with what happened to us. We suffered a 1 in 4,000 problem, our baby had such a cruel fate put upon him. I don't know how I'm expected to trust everyday normal things. Does that make sense? I'm not looking for a baby maker partner, but I do want my fair shake at being a mom. I know it'll happen and I have to have patience, but I'm anxious, worried, and still recovering from what happened. Everyone says that marriage doesn't change things, and I know that. Still though, if we were married I know we'd try again much sooner than we are planning now. I'm gripped with some sort of worry and I can't even put my finger on it. I know part of me wants to rush into a wedding and rush into trying again to get over what happened. I want to respect myself, us and our baby by taking time to absorb it all, grieve and get stronger before it happens again, so I just feel stuck.

 

[borntobeamum]

I think all your feelings and thoughts are normall, but at the same time so are your OH's.

The mum inside you is desperate to go again, but there is a tiny bit that says, wait for a bit.

Your OH is probably just worried how you would cope if it happended again, which I pray that it doesnt, but a man thinks about these things differently.

It may have just been too soon to bring it up, that is why iv not said to my OH yet about trying, I know it would be to soon for him, I would be preg again right now if I could....

sending you hugs hunni, its a confusing time, but you will get there.

Lauraxxx

 

[Kiki09]

I agree with borntobeamum, and can also relate to your mail as I am the same, my Dr told me yesterday that when you go through something like this, your whole way of looking and trusting life changes, but that I had to believe in me, no matter what.
We had our wedding planned for this August but found out we were pregnant and due in July so cancelled the wedding, then we lost our baby, so no mans land, we have now set another date for the wedding next year and have said no matter what, the wedding goes ahead...
all this thinking you are doing is normal, its your brain and heart trying to get some control back into your life, the only thing you can control that cannot be taken away is something like a wedding really I guess, planning is normal, it helps us to look forward and focus on something positive.. men are different, my oh always tells me that he does not deal with things the way or speed I do and to give him the space he needs...and usually it does not take him long to get to the same place I am...

hugs to you.. I am sure it wont be long before your oh is ready to make plans too..

 

[susan_1981]

We originally planned to start trying straight after we got married in June 2007 but for various reasons, we decided to wait a while, which I'm glad in a way as I've had some fantastic holidays with the girls and with my husband and I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on all that, which I would have if we'd have been trying then. So I put it out of my mind. Then we decided the christmas after we got married that we would start trying in the August after we got back from holiday. Fell pregnant in the October and couldn't have been happier until I found out I'd miscarried in December. It was awful.

Now I'm stuck in the situation wondering if I will ever be pregnant again after 5 long months of trying, now in my 6th!

I think that you should focus on your wedding planning. If you want to get married early next spring at the latest, weddings take so much planning so get stuck into that and then you can concentrate on baby making after. It'll give you something else to think about and it'll great focusing on planning having the best day of my life, especially when it's something that you have control over. That's the problem with baby making, you just don't have any real control over it. See if you can get your OH to agree to start the planning. I had 19 months to plan mine and I'd say that was a good amount of time.

I hope that you and your OH can work through this and that you'll go on to have the perfect wedding day and then a beautiful baby xxxxxxx