Do you feel like you need to hide your loss on here?

[Mummy2Angel.]

Does anyone else feel like you need to hide your loss or not mention it on the forum apart from in loss support, and in PAL?

If i ever mention it anywhere when replying to a thread i just get my head bitten off and a big bunch of people giving their opinions on how we shouldnt try and scare them even if thats not the intention it really upsets me, why should i hide my loss just because other people dont like it

 

[Vickieh1981]

I think people are scared hun. Especially by something like happened to us. 2nd trimester loss and baby dying with no bleeding is not something that people like to consider.

You never have to hide Max with us. I was wondering after you the other day as I hadn't seen you for a while.

 

[jenny25]

hun i think people scare easily regardless of what stage they are at i have had 3 losses 24+3 (went into preterm labour) 9 weeks and 6 weeks loss can happen at anytime of the pregnancy but when we speak about being pregnant again and we worry about every little detail people do tend to jump down at us but i think they dont mean it in a bad way they just worry for their pregnancy like any natural mother does personally i dont hide it why should i its nothing to be ashamed about we just worry like someone who hasnt gone through what we have , just politely tell them because i had a loss at such and such a stage i get a tad worried when asking a question if they dont respect you then say not too comment on your questions if they are going to be negative x

 

[Dragonfly]

Hey just seen this in new posts but never had a loss and my heart goes out to you. I dont think you should have to hide anything about your loss anywhere on the forum,. I can see how it would scare some but I would never ever mention it to someone I am sure its hard enough on the person that lost. I hope you get a bit more compassion shown to you where ever you go in here. I havnt seen anyone bite heads off but thats just not on.

 

[Tulip]

I can never hide my loss of Ruby - I'm so proud of her and it's because of her that I'm on my Folic crusade. Some people need to hear the reality of loss before they'll take a tiny vitamin pill every day.

I'm shocked that people would jump on you for it, honey. We're always here for you with kisses for Max xx

 

[tinybutterfly]

I'm shocked that people would jump on you for it, honey. We're always here for you with kisses for Max xx

amen!

(((big hugs)))

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Thanks ladies , i dont want to scare people but when they ask a question and it some way relates to what i went through i like to share my experience. Three times in the last week or so i just seem to get jumped on for even mentioning a loss , i dont feel we should have to hide it really?

 

[Bittersweet]

Oh to have that innocence again eh?
To be honest it's a bot shocking tk hear that- yes people don't wana know about a
loss but then again people should try and understand too

 

[FierceAngel]

yes hun i know what you mean more so about charlie than my early losses though x

like i think people accept tht mc happens before 10weeks but once u start entering the 2nd or even worse the 3rd tri its a taboo people dont want to hear about it x

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Yeah after about 10 weeks people dont like to hear about it

 

[Dragonfly]

Yeah after about 10 weeks people dont like to hear about it

They should button their lips I think. I know its scary, it scares me when someone looses a baby in third tri but their lose and feelings are far greater than mine and I would never open my gob to that, its just not appropriate.

 

[SugarKisses]

Yeah after about 10 weeks people dont like to hear about it

that is so true, Not many people like to hear about my 'horror' stories of loosing Sophie at 24 weeks and 2 days and Luke being born at 24 weeks and dying 2 days later.....
I understand its upsetting and it scares people, but for me personally, id rather know that things like that can happen, rather than bury my head in the sand. x

 

[sue247]

I often find myself not commenting on threads as i feel my opinion would scare people! Especially when ladies will say to women who bleed that as long as it is not much they will be ok, when i know that really is not necessarily the case at all! Would be nice to have that innocence and not realise that you really can't say that when it comes to pregnancy. I had a MC and only had the tiniest bit of brown bleeding!

 

[mislaww]

Rebecca - please ignore their idiocy and insensitivity (ugh, that seems to be a theme for us lately, non?).

I'm far too opinionated and bitchy to feel the need to hide, although sometimes their ridiculous posts (ridiculous to me, anyway) about things like buying a crib in week 4 and telling everyone in week 5 are so absurd I don't bother commenting.... we don't speak the same language as them. I'm not sure I was EVER that innocent!

hon, and please don't ever feel the need to hide - if they jump on you again, just ignore them. Or feel free to recruit us to jump right back on your behalf!

 

[secretbaby]

Very sadly a lady in the second tri lost her baby at 18 weeks this weekend- just devestating. There was one thread about someone being pleased to get out of first tri and away from the 'sad stories' and although she was desperately sorry to hear of the loss it was about how it made HER feel. It is reactions like this which is why baby loss is pushed under the carpet. I daren't reply to the post as I would loose the plot - I maybe (and possibly am) over reacting. I also think sometimes people only want you opinon if its the same as theres... don't even get me started on the 'I don't take folic acid and all my other kids are o.k - or the I am going to ignore sids advise as they didn't have it in my day and I am fine' posts.

I post where its relevant but don't mention my loss much - only on here in detail.

People like to be in pregnancy ignorance - and if they acknowlege our losses they have to acknowledge that it could happen to them.

 

[mislaww]

Ugh - secretbaby, those posts drive me up the wall. Sure, why not ignore doctors's and midwives' advice - that ladies' baby was just fine!

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

People who dont understand just downright frustrate me , especially those who wont do simple things that mean so much to a babies health but they dont do it because they cant be arsed! or know people who didnt and they were ok!

 

[sequeena]

It's easy to brush it off when you've not been through loss yourself I can't believe people have been so rotten to you, how dare they make you feel this way!!

 

[Beanbabe]

I remember i clicked on unread posts one day when I logged in. I saw a thread in second tri where a girl posted about decreased fetal movements at 20 weeks. all the replies were "oh hun its fine" "dont worry etc" "my mw said its normal at this stage" etc etc. I often think about that post and if that girls baby was ok. I could not reply to her to tell her that there could be something wrong that I found out at 19 weeks my little boy was gone. My immediate reaction was to warn but I dont think it would have been appreciated.

I never ever clicked on unread posts again.


we should not be made to feel like we are wrong for warning people but people dont want to know. I think they think we will jinx them.

 

[Dragonfly]

People who dont understand just downright frustrate me , especially those who wont do simple things that mean so much to a babies health but they dont do it because they cant be arsed! or know people who didnt and they were ok!

I prefer someone warned me rather than being sensitive , its better to be safe than sorry and if someone has knowlegde of this happening tell. I think some maybe stressed and just dont think of others feedings and lash out at anyone who may have advice they dont see as helpful but as scary., even though they are being helpful. Not sticking up for them theres no reason to bite your head off and I agree with messing about because it didnt happen to so and so. Why take the risk.