Do your folks agree with your plans to TTC?

[Nerys]

Firstly, hello to everyone! I'm a newbie on BnB and loving it so far! Thank you all for making me feel so welcome.

Now, down to the nitty gritty. I've already got 3 kids (girl/boy/girl aged 11/10/7) from my first marriage which ended 5 years ago. I've been with my new partner for 18 months and we're in serious discussions about adding a new team member!

My problem is my parents. I live 200 miles from them, so only see them a few times a year on visits. My mum is absolutely insistant that 3 kids are more than enough and I'd be crazy to have any more, but my body and mind are telling me different. I do have a lot on my plate because my eldest 2 kids are diagnosed with Autism so can be fairly challenging, but that simply doesn't stop me yearning for another child.

Having said that, my OH doesn't have any kids, and he is well and truly aware of how much I want another one, but I have promised to leave the final decision to him whether we go for it or not because it's a much bigger jump to go from childless to a parent than it is from 3 kids to 4 kids... right?

He's spoken to his parents about it and they are totally up for having a grandbaby to add to the mix and have offered to help in any way they can... but there is a small niggling voice inside me that worries how the hell I'm going to tell my Mum I'm expecting if we do decide to TTC.

Help?

 

[Amygdala]

Hi and welcome!

You've got three kids. That suggests to me that you're clearly an adult. So I think your mum will just have to live with it.

I can see why you're nervous about telling her. But it's your life, your decision. Well and your other halfs obviously...

 

[Sarahkka]

Hmmm.
Obviously, you'd prefer not to have a fight with her about this if possible, so I would come up with ways to address her worries. As in, let her know all the different support systems you have in place and how a new baby would fit into that. It sounds like she's being insistent more out of concern for you than from trying to be interfering. Usually, if you address the concerns, the support follows. But, as Amygdala said, in the end it's your life and she'll have to deal with your decision.

 

[Nerys]

Hi and welcome!

You've got three kids. That suggests to me that you're clearly an adult. So I think your mum will just have to live with it.

I can see why you're nervous about telling her. But it's your life, your decision. Well and your other halfs obviously...

Adult... yes (kinda)

I think that my mum's biggest prob is the fact that she worries that either

a) another baby would put too much pressure on me and my ability to look after the kids, or
b) the kids I've got wouldn't cope with the massive change a baby would be to our lives

I know that I can cope, hell, I can MORE than cope, I'm a damn good mum. I guess I'd rather do it with my mum backing me than against me, you know?

 

[HippyMumma23]

How sweet of you that you respect your parents thoughts so much that it worries you. I adore my parents and I DO respect their thoughts and feelings but no way would I let that influence what are ultimately my decisions.

If I did, I wouldnt have my little boy now. Who they adore.

The fact is your mother may think 3 is enough, but what difference does it make to her? Really? I personally think it makes a fab difference to her and anything tough that may come along it will be you and your partner that have to deal with it as you will, because you are both clearly loving, responsible, respect ful adults

Of course parents are allowed to air their thoughts and feelings, but I think you should only listen to it a little bit, and disguard the rest.

Best of luck with the future.
x

 

[Pinkgirl]

Hey
Welcome to bnb
Like the girls have advised me over the past week or so, you do what you and your partner want. Its your life and not to worry about what others think. I've been thinking about it alot and also worried about what other thinks, but at the end of the day its not them having the baby. lol
x

 

[Sparky0207]

Hiya and welcome to BnB!

I think its great that you're leaving the decision to your OH. Like someone else said, you are an adult so its you and your partner who decide how many kids you have!

If my MIL had her way I think my OH would have remained a virgin forever!

Do whats right for you hun. Best of luck xxx

 

[Nerys]

Thank you ALL ladies for listening (reading?) to my worries and taking the time to reply. I know deep down that you're right, and ultimately adding to our team is a massive step and only me and my OH are fully equipped to make that decision.

Here's hoping I'll be able to let you all know that we've gone from WTT to TTC VERY sson!

 

[princess_bump]

hello and welcome i think if you and your OH want another baby, then you must do whats right for you, regardless of what anyone thinks

 

[bunnyg82]

:wave: welcome!

I definitely agree with everyone that it really is your decision, not your mums and so you have to do what's right for you and your OH x

 

[calm]

There is always a part of us that want the approval of others, especially parents. But we have to live our own lives, make our own decisions. Sometimes parents are right, sometimes they are not, just like us. Good luck with everything xxx