Does anyone else feel like they are aiming for the impossible?

[Sapphia]

Hi,

I have always had an ideal in my head of where I wanted to be before I had a baby, but I also want to have my first before I'm 30. Here is the list:

Own our own house - check
Be married - date set Oct 2010
Be able to afford to work part time - OH looking for new job, but not there yet
Before I am 30 - need to conceive in next 3 years or so!

OH wants our children to go to private school - definitely can't afford this yet. I on the other hand would be happy for them to go to good state schools.

In the middle of our wedding plans I have been hit with broodiness and I know I can't wait much longer to TTC. I think my body is telling me it is time even if my head is still aiming to check everything on my list!

Does anyone else feel like they are battling with themselves?

 

[candice123]

Hey there, I know what you mean, you want to be in optimum condition/circumstamces in order to do the best for your child. I have struggled and panicked as in what to do with baby if and when I go back to work, how would we afford it all, and would we be able to cope etc..... Sooooo many worries, but the way that I see it is if I keep putting it off etc for the right time, then we would never do it at all!!! I think if you both feel it is right for you, then go with your heart and I am sure you will do the right thing. Good luck.

 

[Damita]

Sounds like your plan is on target I'm sure you'll get it done

 

[Armywife]

You know what sweetie, in my opinion people put faaaaar too much pressure on themselves and far too much emphasis on getting thing 'perfect' before having a baby. Whenever it seems as though you only have one more thing to sort before ttc something else you haven't thought of will crop up! So long as you have enough love for a baby, the rest will fall into place, no matter what xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[angie79]

hi hun

I have been feeling like that alot lately i feel there is so much to achieve in such little time.
Oh has said we have to have saved at least £1000 and be in secure good jobs before ttc - we havent even started saving yet and oh is training soon to get a better job and i'm now on the look for a job after my current one is starting to go to pot because of this stupid volcano. Its a never ending climb.

xxx

 

[Amygdala]

I totally sympathise as well. We're sort of most of the way "there" (wedding - check, education - sortofcheck, mortgage - check, stable jobs - DH check) but I still feel we should be doing better for our kids. But at the same time I don't want to be too old when I have them and seeing as we're planning three we'd better get a move on. Also: Your life doesn't stop when you have that baby. You might not have your perfect job now but you might be able to get it within a few years. They won't know the difference when they're little and by the time they're 10 your situation could be a lot different!

 

[silverbell]

I always said I wanted kids before I was 30. Not going to happen.

Unfortunately finances dictated that for us. I didn't figure on marrying such a lovely man with such a terrifying amount of debt.

It took a bit of getting used to, but in the end I realised it was the only logical and sensible thing to do. I think we all set these deadlines for ourselves and say we must have done this by whatever age or that by whatever age and life just doesn't work out that way.

It's important to remain open-minded about things and to realise that you may need to juggle things about a bit. If you are too focussed on a certain time/age/date it can all become a bit stressful.

Something else we're doing, which I never imagined, is that we'll be renting when TTC and renting for the foreseeable future. There's nothing we can do about this. We either rent or we delay TTC even longer and we both feel very strongly that we don't want to do that. In the ideal world of course we'd own our own home, but unfortunately circumstances are rarely ideal for any of us.

You just have to do the best you can with what you've got.

I'm sure things will fall into place better for you after the wedding. Congrats, by the way!

 

[4magpies]

We are there right now and my other half just says he isnt ready yet.

We have a 2 bed house getting built for us that we have bought. We both have good full time jobs. We only have £1000 of debt which is an overdraft but we can pay that off easily enough. We own our car straight out (and a nice car it is too hehe).

He has agreed to "think" about start trying when we move. It will probably still take me a good couple of months to convince him.

We can afford for me to go on maternity leave. I have thought it all out! Lol.

xxx

 

[Sapphia]

It's important to remain open-minded about things and to realise that you may need to juggle things about a bit. If you are too focussed on a certain time/age/date it can all become a bit stressful.

I think I am stressing myself out with my deadlines! I also want to just stop preventing rather than actually TTC, which is making me more worried about reaching my age deadline!

I am hoping OH will agree to stop preventing after our wedding and see what happens. I haven't actually asked him outright yet, I am just dropping hints!

 

[emma_cantwait]

I always said I wanted kids before I was 30. Not going to happen.

Unfortunately finances dictated that for us. I didn't figure on marrying such a lovely man with such a terrifying amount of debt.

It took a bit of getting used to, but in the end I realised it was the only logical and sensible thing to do. I think we all set these deadlines for ourselves and say we must have done this by whatever age or that by whatever age and life just doesn't work out that way.

It's important to remain open-minded about things and to realise that you may need to juggle things about a bit. If you are too focussed on a certain time/age/date it can all become a bit stressful.

Something else we're doing, which I never imagined, is that we'll be renting when TTC and renting for the foreseeable future. There's nothing we can do about this. We either rent or we delay TTC even longer and we both feel very strongly that we don't want to do that. In the ideal world of course we'd own our own home, but unfortunately circumstances are rarely ideal for any of us.

You just have to do the best you can with what you've got.

I'm sure things will fall into place better for you after the wedding. Congrats, by the way!

Blimey Silverbell, I could have written that myself. My partner has unbelievably high debts, to the point where I've questioned (in the past) whether or not I should stay with him as it pretty much seems that I'll never get all the things I dreamed of in life (big house, being able to stop work when kids come along, etc etc) and I also never thought I'd be renting when having a baby which it looks as though I will be.

But I love him to death and would be happy living in a caravan if it meant being with him. Yes I'll have to go back to work but with any luck we'll manage with me going back part time. People have babies in a much worse off situation than we are and seem to make it work.

Sapphia - I totally agree with the people who say there will never be a perfect time - there will always be something else you think of that you want to do first! I think the "perfect" time is when both people agree they are ready.

Good luck for your wedding!

 

[mandaa1220]

Definately know what you mean!
I always wanted to start having kids before I was 27.
I'm 20 now and I still want to finish school (2 years left of my bachelors and 2 for my masters), own a house, have a good job.... My goodness, so little time!

 

[silverbell]

Blimey Silverbell, I could have written that myself. My partner has unbelievably high debts, to the point where I've questioned (in the past) whether or not I should stay with him as it pretty much seems that I'll never get all the things I dreamed of in life (big house, being able to stop work when kids come along, etc etc) and I also never thought I'd be renting when having a baby which it looks as though I will be.

But I love him to death and would be happy living in a caravan if it meant being with him. Yes I'll have to go back to work but with any luck we'll manage with me going back part time. People have babies in a much worse off situation than we are and seem to make it work.

Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's still kind of nice to know I'm not alone. I've never questioned whether I should stay with him due to his debts, although he has questioned whether I should (he gets very down about it and says he'd understand if I couldn't wait around for him, bless him). Love him to bits though and wouldn't be without him. I know one thing for sure - we'll never be in debt again! He's really reduced them these past 3 years and we're on target for him clearing all credit cards by the middle of next year (hence our TTC date).

I couldn't agree with you more that people deal with babies and cope very well in far worse situations. This is what is spurring us on.

 

[wanna-b-mummy]

I was just coming into WTT to have a rant and then saw the subject title and felt like saying "Yes!" out loud.

I'm having a really fed up day today and it seems my 'check list' is getting more impossible by the day. Firstly, I'm freelance, and my work has been thin on the ground lately so that's been making me fed up and wondering if I should get a part time job.
Secondly, OH's boss keeps "forgetting" to bring in his full time contract. He offered it to him a fortnight ago and we were so pleased, but the boss is taking forever to sort it. Thirdly, fourthly, etc, I'm sick of our living arrangements, sick of not losing weight (my fault) and fed up in general! Just wish all my check list was sorted and we were settled so we could ttc. I'll probably be fine tomorrow, I'm just having one of those days. I need to get my arse in to gear, I feel like I'm so stuck in a bloody rut! Grrrrrrrr.

 

[Gille01]

I know what you mean!

I keep trying to think of everything that I need to do and wanted to do and its just a mess. I do have some things together. I do have my house but as far as work goes, I wanted to be working less (I work over 52 hours and commute over 10 a week) but its so hard to get where I want to be in work and finances.

If I wait to try, it may not work out even then. I'm just going to go for it and try not to keep thinking about every single thing I thought I would have done by now. Easier said than done though!