does it make me a bad person...?

[podders91]

so i'm back to ttc. after losing my daughter and my son, and 3 very early mc's.

i've sort of ignored it for so long and just got back to ttc my earth baby, but i feel more at peace (?) with my babies being gone, even though my son was only 3 weeks ago this coming monday. i had a d+e, and had no bleeding afterwards.

well my dr said after my check up we're good to ttc whenever we are ready. i'm cycle tracking this cycle, nearly positive opk today. only a few days out from what it usually is. we'll be ttc next cycle.

my friend has politely told me that ttc this soon means that i don't care about my babies and i just want one to dress and cuddle. this could not be more true. i love my children, and not a day goes by where i dont think about them all. when i got pregnant with my son, i wrote in my journal and my babies journal that there was a new sibling (i have a 100 year diary for myself and one for my future earth baby, which we'll give to him/her when they are old enough and they can continue it with their own life).

but thinking about it, does it make me a bad person to ttc this soon? i know it's quick. it'll be 7 weeks since losing my son (approx) when we actively ttc?

 

[Pixiedust22]

No it doesn't and I think your friend is really out of order to say that! I want to ttc again asap but it doesn't mean I love my son any less...

 

[Topanga053]

I agree completely with PP. TTC right away does not mean you love your angels any less. We all heal differently. A lot of women feel a STRONG, almost compulsive desire to be pregnant again as soon as possible after a loss. I think it's our way of healing. There is nothing wrong with TTC again right away (DH and I didn't even wait for AF before we started TTCAL), just as there is nothing wrong with waiting. There are no right or wrong answers on this particular journey.

 

[Button#]

There is no reason you can't TTC while mourning the loss of your son. Grief is personal and if getting back to TTC is what you need then nobody can tell you you're wrong to do that.

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you get your rainbow baby soon.

 

[KBCupcake]

No it doesn't make you a bad person. Don't listen to that nonsense. Everyone experiences losses differently. Some people emotionally need to wait longer than others but it doesn't mean they loved their lost children more. If anything, it makes your "friend" a bad person for saying something so hurtful.

 

[Mintastic]

That "friend" is totally out of line. Who says that??
As everyone else has said, of course that doesn't make you a bad person!

 

[podders91]

thanks all
more and more people are having the same opinion of me for doing this and it's just getting me down.
my son and daughter mean the world to me and my friends all know that, so i dont understand why some of them (particularly the one who started it) are saying that I dont.

i think it's time to start cutting people out of my life who aren't valuing my life choices. most of my friends are my age, around 22-25, and they're still out drinking and whatnot whilst i'm here ttc again. i think we're just in very different places in our lives and now i've come to this chapter, we just don't fit anymore.

 

[aknqtpie]

I don't think I would be friends with someone anymore if they said that to me. Everyone grieves differently..

 

[SoBlessedMama]

That is a completely personal decision, and no one else's business!! I can't believe your friend was so calloused and rude. Just from reading your brief post, it is obvious that you have a ton of love to give as a mom. You have every right to want to move forward whenever you feel ready!

 

[laurac1988]

It absolutely doesn't make you a bad person. Sounds like you need new friends Hun. I wouldn't waste my time on people who say things like that.

And also, of course you want a baby to hold and cuddle and dress. We all do. Doesn't mean we love our angels any less. It's not wrong to want a baby here with you xxx