Doula's- how mine helped me.

[Angel2Fire]

I didn't know where to post this, but I've seen quite a few ladies asking questions about doula's in this section so I thought I'd post here. (But mods feel free to move if there's a more appropriate section

I ended up having a hospital birth due to complications, but I did do it just on gas and air (as planned) It was also a VBAC.

I'm writing this to tell you my experience of having a doula. As I'm not close to my family, I thought it was important to have some female support as well as having my husband there.
I used the Doula UK website to find doula's in my area. I also used the Doula access fund as my husband and I are on a low income. I am so greatful for this exisiting, I simply couldn't have afforded to hire a doula without it.
I emailed a few doula's and interviewed one who sounded perfect. She has 5 children of her own and a wealth of knowledge and experience. She was on hand throughout my pregnancy to answer any question and did a few visits to see how I was getting on. We then had the antenatal visit when I was about 36 weeks to discuss my birth plan, which she typed up for me.

I was in early labour for 34 hours, and I managed the whole of this at home. I kept in touch with my doula and spoke to her late at night when I was getting a bit panicky. She helped me to calm down and focus. I managed to get a little sleep and managed fine at home until lunchtime the next day. Without that chat I think I would have gone into hospital there and then! Which wasn't what I wanted.

When I did decide it was time to go in, she came over as quickly as she could and came to the hospital with us. She was just amazing at the hospital, she made sure the midwife had a copy of my birth plan, she asked questions for me, she comforted both me and my husband, I just couldn't have done it without her.

My labour progressed relativly quickly and I was in active labour for about 4 1/2 hours. Throughout this time she was great. She did loads of stuff for me, she gave me lavendar and jasmine oil on a tissue to breath, she gave me a straw to drink through because I was having to lie on my side because the babies heartrate was dropping with each contraction and they wanted to see if it made a difference.

The best thing my doula did was explain what was going on. She has such a wealth of knowledge and was able to tell me things the midwifes didn't. I suddenly felt the urge to push when my husband was outside making a phonecall, and she dashed outside to find him. Things got a little complicated after this and I was being prepped for theatre when Seraphina was born. I won't go into detail but it was quite traumatic and she came out not breathing. My doula comforted both me and my husband and asked what was going on. Seraphina was resuscitated and after this she was absoloutely fine. My doula made sure I got skin to skin, took photo's for us, helped me to feed her and gave me some lanolin to help with breastfeeding.

She was just wonderful and I couldn't have done it without her. The moral support, asking questions for me when I couldn't, and the little practical things she did made such a difference to my birthing experience. She was also very supportive to my husband. When Seraphina was born, he burst into tears and she grabbed his hand and gave him support as well. He is also really glad we had a doula, as he admitted himself that he just wouldn't have known what to do. Some people might think a doula may take over, but mine really didn't. Its like we were on the same page, she knew what I needed and stepped in when I needed it.

I hope this account of what my doula did has helped to answer some questions for ladies who are unsure as to what a doula does. If you want to ask me any other questions feel free

 

[aliss]

Thanks! I have hired one and I am very excited but I will show this to my husband since he's still a bit iffy (I made him sign the cheque anyways lol...)

 

[_Nell]

Thanks for posting this, I'm in the UK too and don't know anyone that has used a doula but have been thinking about it

 

[pimento1979]

I've posted this before, but here's how my doula helped me and DH:

We hired Eleanor as our birth doula, but like your husband, my husband wasn't too sure about the whole thing. He was worried that he wouldn't be included in the labour/birth and would feel like a spare part. As you know, we tried for a home birth. It all started out rather well (besides the fact that my waters broke with no contractions and so I was getting some pressure from midwives to go to hospital for antibiotics/induction but I stood my ground- with help from Eleanor- and got things going naturally with acupuncture, reflexology and long walks). Things really started kicking off about 5pm on a saturday afternoon and by 10pm, I had Mark filling the birthing pool and had called the midwife and Eleanor.

Eleanor was there within 30 minutes. Mark and I had discussed him coming into the pool with me and once Eleanor got there, Mark jumped right in! It was fantastic having him in there with me as he rubbed my back, was something for me to lean on, etc. With Eleanor there, Mark was able to concentrate fully on me and my needs. Eleanor got us drinks and food, helped me in and out of the pool, dried me off when getting out of the pool, helped me with the contractions out of the pool (which always seemed to happen when I got out, got on the toilet, and got back down the stairs!), opened the door for the midwives (when they arrived and when they left and came back with the gas and air, etc), gave me some homeopathic remedies, got me a bowl when I needed to vomit (sorry if too much info!), reminded the midwives that I wanted to keep my placenta, reminded me to breathe, reminded me to drink and use the loo, and a myriad of other things!! It was brilliant because Mark could concentrate fully on supporting me without worrying about the peripheral stuff. As things progressed, Eleanor encouraged Mark to become more involved in comforting me- to get closer to me, put his arm around me, say encouraging things, breathe with me, etc. When Mark needed a break to go to the loo, Eleanor was there with me to get me through the contractions.

Since my waters broke nearly 48 hours before going into active labour, the midwife who was with me was twitchy about my temperature and pulse- and these actually started to rise during labour, so infection was a concern. The midwife said that we should really think about transferring into hospital, which obviously we weren't too keen on. Eleanor helped us by being our advocate and helping us talk to the midwife about the benefits, risks, and alternatives to transferring into hospital. Eleanor gave Mark the confidence to speak up and ask the pertinent questions (as I was a bit out of it!). We were able to ask the midwife to give us another half hour to see what the situation was... we were able to get a few of these extensions by being able to talk to the midwife in a rational manner, helped by Eleanor's presence. After awhile of very intense contractions in the pool, the midwife asked whether I would like a vaginal examination. I got out of the pool and Eleanor was with me during the vaginal examination (along with Mark)- at this point I was 7cm and felt that I couldn't cope anymore. This was clearly transition but I started to retreat into myself. Mark tried to comfort me but I pushed him away. After the birth, he told me that he felt a bit put out that I pushed him aside, but Eleanor got him involved back straight away. He needed this push from Eleanor as his ego was a bit hurt and if it wasn't for Eleanor, he may have kept away from me for the remainder of the labour, which would have been pretty awful for the both of us.

As the ambulance arrived (and I ran into it!!), Eleanor made sure that I was dressed, that we had our hospital bags and keys and she fetched a shirt for Mark as he was still topless at this point. Again, Mark was able to just concentrate on me without worrying about these other things. When we got into hospital, there was only time to push so the epidural I asked for was out of the question. Again, Eleanor made sure Mark was involved in the pushing period, getting him in on the action. She was another cheerleader during my pushing stage which encouraged Mark to vocalise more as well. After Eva was born, and the cord was cut, Mark had some skin-to-skin time with Eva. Eleanor stood with me and held my hand while I was checked over- Mark didn't need to worry about me and was able to spend those precious first moments with Eva.

As I lay recovering after the birth, I heard Mark say to Eleanor: "Originally, I was a bit skeptical about the need for a doula, but after all that, I really appreciated your support and felt really enabled to help Cathy, especially when the going got tough. It was reassuring to have someone experienced there that what was happening was perfectly normal." I smiled a bit to myself during this as I thought it was really sweet of him to tell Eleanor how appreciated she was throughout the process!

Overall, Eleanor was a godsend to us and really helped the BOTH of us through labour. We've talked about the "next one" (not for a while!) and we'll definitely try for another homebirth with a doula (hopefully Eleanor!). I completely understand your husband's hesitance with hiring a doula but honestly, the fact that Mark could be with me 100% without worrying about anything else was absolutely brilliant.

 

[MindUtopia]

I'm hoping to hire a doula as well, so hearing these stories is wonderful. Thank you for sharing!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks sp much for posting this. I am sooooo pleased you were able to continuous support with the help of the Access Fund. No woman is excluded from having a doula (should she want one) on the grounds of finace alone. The Access Fund ensures families on a low income have support before, during AND after the arrival of their baby and it will cost them nothing. I am the Adminstrator of the fund and you can email for an application form on [email protected]

 

[Mervs Mum]

Ps if anyone else would like to add their experiences of having a doula in the UK either hired independently or via the Fund, please add your stories here!

 

[aliss]

I look forward to sharing my story in ... 8 weeks! eek!

 

[Jelebi]

Great post!
I probably trust my doula more than my midwife and I am not saying this to put down my midwives at all, I am saying I feel a great connection with my doula - she is just a breath of knowledge and passion and is right on point with my needs.
I want to the birth as unassisted as possible, I just need her to remind my hubby the things he needs to do and be there for my emotionally if I need it.

Since my mother passed away and I really do miss her right now, I needed that female presence that can offer me the emotional comfort I truly need to birth.

 

[Jezzielin]

Very nice posts! I am working with someone who used to be a doula and it makes me think it would be so nice to have someone in there to keep me calm and comfortable. My hubs already said that he doesn't think he'd be a great advocate because he is going to be nervous and not know anything of what's going on! OY!