Ds has no friends in new area/school.

[EcoMama]

I feel a bit sad for ds. He's 5. We've recently moved to a new area and ds has started in a new school. He says he doesnt have any friends in school, and we dont know anyone welk enough outside of school.

We've gone from him having lots of different friends from birth, some of whom started with him in his last school with playdates out and about every afternoon, to him having none in his new school, and never any playdates planned

 

[jrob]

I don't know how things are where you live, but it's difficult these days to get to know the kids and parents in your kid's class. Even the class parties at my step-son's school only allows the class moms to be present. So we couldn't even meet some parents that way if we wanted to. All 3 of us work, so we can't make it to every single school function and when we do, it's usually something involving the entire school so any parents we meet just so happen to not have kids in the same class. My step-son had lots of friends when he was very little. We met people at the park and had him enrolled in lots of community programs and in reading programs at the library. But most of those kids were from the next town over, so many of his friends don't go to his school. And those that do are either a year older/younger or in a different classroom.

It's difficult in the beginning of the year because kids don't always remember the other kids names. Maybe your lo has made some friends but doesn't remember their names? Give it some more time. We met a few parents when we held my step-son's birthday party over the weekend and were able to exchange numbers for play dates. Unfortunately his birthday is in November, so every year (even in pre-school) we don't get many replies since they don't know us, or him, yet. This year he only has 3 kids in his class from last year. So the rest are all brand new classmates. It just takes time for some kids to develop real friendships on their own without our help making play dates. So, if you can't make it to lots of school functions, a future birthday party might help you get to know the other kids and parents.

 

[EcoMama]

Thanks for replying jrob

The school he has started in is small, and as I don't work I already know alot of the parents to say hello to (from all different yr groups), but I see them all (parents) huddled together chatting and laughing because they all know each other outside of school too, and all their kids have grown up together and play together at each other's houses after school/weekends. Something we used to have at our previous home.

I suppose I kinda feel like an outsider at the school. Which doesn't bother me as I have a younger dd and socialise with her during school hours, and have met lots of lovely new mums at other places. But I am worried for my son, as he is no longer surrounded by the friends we met together at baby/toddler groups

 

[jrob]

Hmmm...have you considered speaking with his teacher about it then? She could definitely tell you what kind of socialization is going on with him in the classroom. If she is concerned too, maybe you can work together on strategies to help him connect with the other children since he's the new kid. If she HAS noticed and can help boost the situation so that he doesn't feel so isolated anymore. And if she hasn't, then it may be a good idea to bring it to her attention so she can help.

 

[EcoMama]

Thanks Jrob

 

[jrob]

You're welcome Any updates?

 

[EcoMama]

We had a parents meeting last week. Ds is very sociable and loves to play with the bigger kids in the yr above. And there's a boy on his class that he gets on well with. We had a girl from his class over after school last week which was nice I'm going to invite the boy over too this week
I think going to school full time instead of just morns has been lots for me to get used to!

 

[RachA]

Glad your son is getting in a bit better. Sometimes it takes ages for children to make specific friends. I know that we were seriously worried about our son because he constantly told us that he didn't have friends and never had invites home and even though we invited children over he never had invites back. Yet when we spoke to the school they said how friendly and sociable he was.
It wasn't until he went until year 2 that he started getting friends-he doesn't gave many but those he does have are really close.

 

[EcoMama]

Thanks Rach. I think that's how my ds will be, a couple close friends rather than loads. Like his dad!

 

[MikaylasMummy]

Aww it sucks to think your little one is unhappy when you have relinquished your control over making him happy for a majority of the day to school!
When dd started school this year she began to play with my niece,who is in yr 1 at the same school every break.it got to the point where she was sad to go to school because she felt she had no friends other than my niece. So I had a big bday party for her and invited most of the girls from her class so I could actually see for myself what their interaction was like.turns out after talking to quite a few of the girls mums they were shocked as they said their kids talked about my dd all the time and thought they were good friends!
Kids can have a funny way of seeing situations and can be very sensitive.they may think someone doesn't like them or doesn't want to play with them simply because the other child doesn't want to do what your child wants to do.my dd is nearing the end of her first year and is full of confidence and has tonnes of friends.i just made sure that at every bday party I really got chatting to the other mums and after getting some of their phone numbers through bday invites etc organised a big get together in the holidays for all the girls.

 

[PrincessLeah]

Thanks for replying jrob

The school he has started in is small, and as I don't work I already know alot of the parents to say hello to (from all different yr groups), but I see them all (parents) huddled together chatting and laughing because they all know each other outside of school too, and all their kids have grown up together and play together at each other's houses after school/weekends. Something we used to have at our previous home.

I suppose I kinda feel like an outsider at the school. Which doesn't bother me as I have a younger dd and socialise with her during school hours, and have met lots of lovely new mums at other places. But I am worried for my son, as he is no longer surrounded by the friends we met together at baby/toddler groups

We moved to a new area in April of this year and I had the same problem. Leah struggled to make friends with other girls in her class that already had set, cemented friendships. And she came home unhappy each day, which broke my heart.
The bottom line was I had to put myself out there and make a real effort to get to know the other mums. It was awkward, walking up to the cliquey playground circle and saying "Hello!" with a smile. But I didn't have much choice. I felt like an idiot most of the time (some women mentally never leave the playground, regardless of their age ..)
I also made a point of saying hello or goodbye to every single parent of every single kid in Leah's class. Every single day. And I looked happy, put on a smile, looked pleased to see them. Asked them how they were. Always, always introduced myself. I had to ask people to remind me of their names a hundred times, which I also found embarrassing. But I had to do it. Conversations began. I invited mums over for coffee and then set up playdates. I had to work at it, but I was here to stay and people were going to have to get used to it
I'd take Leah over to the other kids houses to play and chat with the mums. Ask them about their jobs, how long they'd lived here. Swapped contact numbers so I could invite them round to my house.
It was hard work, and to be honest I am now friends with some mums that I probably wouldn't be friends with, were I given the choice. But I couldn't afford to be choosy.
Leah has lots of friends now, she is really happy at school. And I have some friends. We babysit for each other in the evenings. We take the children to the pool together.
You've got to put yourself out there. It will pay off, I promise. And you owe it to your child.