early in pregnancy after stillbirth

[jesequita]

This past fall my husband and I lost our first son at 22 weeks pregnant. The doctor was never able to tell us a reason for why he came so early. We just got a positive pregnancy test and I was experiencing a lot of abdominal pain so I asked for an ultrasound and found out that we were between 4 and 5 weeks pregnant, not far along enough to see a heartbeat even. I get to go back in a week to see a heart beat, but that's really not enough to ease my concerns. I'm still experiencing a lot of abdominal pain. I'm just really anxious. When I lost Gabriel the labor felt like having a bowel movement...so now every time I sit on the toilet I practically have a nervous breakdown. I know people have said they feel better after passing the point at which they lost their last child...but that's so far away for me. Does anyone have any advice about how to handle the stress of every little thing...how to feel normal about this pregnancy again...I just want to enjoy the little moments and not stress out that something is always wrong. I would appreciate any thoughts about how you handled the stress or about how you managed to find rays of sunshine after a loss. Thank you

 

[grace14]

Just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss and congrats on your bfp. I've had two early losses, which were painful, but I can't imagine how painful your loss has been. Praying this will be a healthy/full term baby and that you will be able to be at peace during the pregnancy.

 

[Kasey84]

Congrats on your pregnancy and I'm very sorry to hear of your previous loss.

I can't speak for everyone, but for me there was no point at which I really felt "safe" until my baby was actually in my arms. I guess that's what my loss did to me.

With that being said, I still did enjoy some moments/milestones in my pregnancy (ie ultrasound, first time hearing heartbeat). I allowed myself to feel joyful when I could and accepted that I would also worry too. I just took things one day at a time.

Wishing you all the best!

 

[CastawayBride]

I have to agree, I don't think I will ever feel "safe" or "feel great passing a milestone" after the loss of our son at 32 weeks pregnancy just feels like a constant worry.

With that being said we cannot wait for this baby. Do I worry? Absolutely, every twinge, cramp, or thinking I don't feel enough kicking freaks me out. I have a great new team and hope to have this little one in my arms once they are finished cooking.

 

[shirlls]

I am so sorry for your loss . I am pregnant after 4 early losses and I am a nervous wreck at every pain and twinge so I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Just want to say, all the best for your pregnancy, unfortunately I have no advice except to try to keep your mind as busy as possible, though I know that can be hard to do at times. It is so hard not to worry at every twinge and pain but it is perfectly normal.

Try to relax as much as possible, good luck!

xx

 

[kelleyrn95]

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a stillbirth. I was almost 37w. And like you I am early in this pregnancy & scared to death.

I think as the other replies state...there isn't a time we feel safe or aren't scared. So I'm guessing that we are all normal? I saw a maternal/fetal specialist last week & he actually confirmed that I will be scared...we experienced something that takes all the joy away...we know what "can" happen. (I told him I really would still like to be oblivious!)

 

[patch2006uk]

I have a 12 week old baby after having a stillbirth at 42+4 last year. The pregnancy was nerve wracking, and I didn't believe it would all work out ok at any point really. I just tried to enjoy being pregnant-feeling the kicks and wiggles, seeing my growing bump. I wanted memories that were happy regardless of how the pregnancy was to end. Whatever happened in the end, I enjoyed that I was pregnant today, and that that was a joyful thing in itself. I did find it all very draining, and there were many times I wondered if we were doing the right thing. It's hard. I didn't have a 'safe' point in pregnancy, as my baby died in labour, but I think regardless of when a loss was, you won't really feel ok until the baby is placed in your arms.

Wishing you peaceful days x

 

[RaspberryK]

I'm sorry for the loss of your son, I guess you probably won't feel safe until your new baby is in your arms, perhapsyou could keep a ddiary of anything positive in your day?
I'm currently trying the positive everything is fine until proven otherwise method.

Patch - I guess we hang out in different sections now, and I bet you're really busy now with a new baby but I had no idea about your stillborn boy, I'm so sorry.
Xx

 

[InChristAlone]

I've just seen this thread, hope it's not too late to respond! We lost our baby girl at 30 weeks last year and I'm now 38 weeks pregnant with this baby. Pregnancy has been hard, but actually when I got past the initial anxiety it has been easier than I probably imagined it would be. I though I'd be terrified every day, and there have been days when I have been - but actually I've just been taking it one day at a time and I can't believe that I'm almost at my due date.

My advice would be just take things one day at a time, let each milestone pass scans, dates etc. and then look to the next one. For me the 20 week anomaly scan was a massive deal and I couldn't see past that.. but once we got there, we made more of a plan with our consultant and there have been little milestones or appointments every couple of weeks to look to and then tick off the list. Make sure that you discuss any worries or concerns with the team who are looking after you and have care in place that will help you to try to remain as peaceful as possible. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel however you are feeling, and make sure that you have at least one person that you can be really honest with about how you're feeling. You will have good days and you will have bad days, allow yourself that and don't beat yourself up if you're having a bad day. Also, this may sound very reasoned now but I completely know how you're feeling.. I had some spotting at about 7 weeks this time and absolutely freaked out, almost collapsed and was a big mess! I think it's totally understandable that people who have experienced what we have are at a different level of anxiety - the innocence of pregnancy has been taken away.

I read something last year when I was early in this pregnancy which helped me, I hope it helps you too. I think it was something that someone's bereavement counsellor said to them about bonding emotionally with a new pregnancy. They said that basically even worst case scenario if the worst were to happen again in a subsequent pregnancy, the fact that you didn't bond or emotionally connect with this pregnancy wouldn't lessen any of the emotions you had to deal with or the loss you would feel, and actually you would just have missed out on the positive side of connecting with your baby and pregnancy and the 'good' parts. That helped me to see that this pregnancy is different, it's not the same as last time and actually my opportunity to bond with this baby began as soon as I knew that she was there. It's hard, please don't think I'm saying that it's not, but if you can try to allow yourself to have some peace about it. Don't rush with your emotions, take your time and be kind to yourself. I think as other people have said on this thread, I don't think any of us will believe it until our baby is here in our arms... and even then all my friends tell me that then you worry just as much about them! oh the joys...!