Envy

[heyyady]

We currently have another set of twins in our NICU (out of 4 sets!!!!) that were born yesterday at 36 weeks. They are beautiful, healthy little girls. But I seem to be having envy/jelousy with their situation and their mother. Their mom was brought in yesterday after her c-section on her way to her room from recovery to see and hold her babies- something I didn't get to do due to another VERY sick baby on the day of my delivery (They closed the NICU to visitors durring that time) - The new twins were allowed to leave the NICU for most of the day to spend the day with their Mama in her room- No monitors, tubes, wires or leads. And they will be going home with their mom on Monday.
I love my girls beyond anything- but I'm sad that I didn't have these things. I thought I was doing ok with all of this, and am suddenly thinking maybe not...

 

[katy1310]

Awww hunny, I can totally identify with this. I remember feeling this way too. I had to wait 3 weeks for cuddles with Sophie, and I remember the mum at the next incubator was always getting cuddles. It used to hurt like crazy watching her. When we got moved to HDU when Sophie was 7 weeks, I remember seeing other babies coming in and moving through to special care within days, and seeing other mums in the expressing room who were getting their babies home after just a few days. I was so so jealous. We were in there for 12 weeks. Another thing that used to really get to us was that the neonatal unit in our hospital is really near the maternity unit, and we used the same carpark, so we used to see other parents coming and going with carseats, and - this used to really get to me - heavily pregnant women standing outside smoking.

The first night Sophie was born, I was in high dependency after my section, along with another mum who'd had a premature baby, and then at 10pm they brought in someone who'd had a full term baby. The dad was with them, they were given tea and toast and were taking loads of photos and joking with the midwives, and the baby cried all night. I was so miserable that night - I hadn't even seen my baby yet at this point and didn't get to see her till she was 21 hours old.

Everything you are feeling is completely normal hun, but please remember to look after yourself too because that's all too easy to forget in this situation. I thought I was doing fine for months then suddenly realised that I wasn't....I ended up being diagnosed with PND when Sophie was 9 months old!

xxxxxx

 

[freddiesmum]

I think in this situation it is totally normal and totally forgiven! I still sit in scbu now and watch the babies coming and going and feel total jealousy that i cant take my baby home or scoot him down to the family room! I get really cross at the pregnant women smoking! Its natual to feel that way because teally the situation we have found ourselves in isnt fair! Just temember to take time for you and maybe talk to other mums on your unit because it does help to vent xxx hope your babies do well and you get them home soon x

 

[AUGmum]

I can totally relate. I go see my daughter and since the postnatal ward is nearby you cant but feel a bit envious of the carseats occupied by babies wanting to go home. But i just know there is a reason why things happen.

 

[bob2331]

god i think we can all realy relate.
When Harry was in intensive care, i suffered all the time, i used to be so upset when twins would come in, born slightly earlier but both really healthyl, used to break my heart and babies that come in for a day then leave, its so hard.

Just rememmeber, your twins are doing really well and soon you will have them home and we get to have a babies as babies for a little longer then most people xx

 

[Ohmy4]

Ah sweetie! Just remember that your girls are safe and in the place they should be with doctors who are doing all they can for them. It sounds like the other twins wern't that sick. And probably didnt even need to be in the NICU if they could be with mom without all the wires and tubes. When my first son went to the NICU immediatly from the OR (I had a planned c-section) I had no idea what was wrong! I went into the recovery room and was green with envy at the other moms who were holding their babies and starting BFing. I didnt even know if my son was alive! Or how much he weighed. My DH was (rightfully) in the NICU with him so I was all alone....no visitors. It sucked! I finally went to see him in the NICU and just the whole sight of the place made me cry. We were in the level 1 side that housed the sickest of sick. My son had tubes everywhere and then their were babies who just needed the billi lights. I was so sad. I couldnt hold him...when the other moms could hold and diaper their babies.

I just told myself that this was one less day until I could go home with him. That it was a GOOD thing those other babies were doing well. We all want babies to be healthy and even for their mommies to be happy. hang in there!

 

[Hotmum]

I KNOW....
It has been 3 days and I could not hold my baby girl yet =(

and like your story I am always going to the NICU and I see everybody holding their babies besides me
I am having baby blues too... big time ! =((((

 

[lozzy21]

From another perspective hun, not that it will be much consolation, she probably feels guilty because you cant do the things she can. I felt bloody awful.

N was born at 35 weeks, was ok when she was first born but had to go into SCBU at 2 days old as she needed iv fluids because she wasent feeding enough to flush the jaundice out. There was no room in the special care room so she ended up in the intensive care room. There was 4 incubators with babys born between 26 and 29 weeks in the corners of the room. The biggest baby at the time weighed around 3lb.

And then there was my 8lb15 little chunk smack bang in the middle of the room, straight in front of the door. Her feeds allways fell during visiting time aswell and i felt so terrible for the other parents and grandparents who had to watch me change, feed and sneek some cuddles before having to put her back under the lights when they werent allways guateed to get a cuddle. I used to hope she would want feeding early so it would be over and done with by visiting time but that never happend.

 

[alparen]

awww it's totally normal hun. I get envious over the mums that get to take their babies home... when i see it i get so sad. Sorry you didn't get to have those experiences with your babies.

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

aw I know how you feel completly it was so hard seeing all the babies getting cuddles with their mummys and Ellie wasnt allowed out her incubator!!! and when we went to do Ellies cares and I seen people leaving the hospital door with their babies in their car seatsI had to wait in the car to they were gone, the amount of time I sat in Ellies nursery an cried cause she was still in the hospital is unreal, big hugs to you xxxx

 

[heyyady]

Rochelle is home today! we of course still heve to go back every day (and take Rochelle with us)until Charlotte is well enouugh to leave- but yeah! It felt SOOOO good to walk her out today! I don't even care that we didn't get all the attention the other babies get- I have MY baby!

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

aw fb news wont be long to you have them both all tucked up at home xx